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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman who is a 'carer' should not have left her client.

129 replies

littlefrog3 · 24/02/2017 08:35

Me and DH went for a coffee the other day, and saw a woman from our neighbourhood (who is frankly quite annoying; the sort you walk a mile to avoid.) She works for an agency as a 'carer,' though personally I wouldn't leave a dog in her care.

So me and DH waved as we walked to the far end of the coffee shop, and sat down with our lattes for a chat. 2 minutes in, and this woman came toddling along towards us, and just started randomly talking to us 'how are you both? How's work? What are you doing here? Yada yada blah blah.'

All this time, the woman she was 'caring' for (a vulnerable woman with learning difficulties,) was sat on her own, right up the other end of the coffee shop, near to the exit. This woman had her back to the woman she is supposed to be caring for.

Me and DH said 'do you think you better go back to that lady you're caring for?' She said 'she'll be OK,' and carried on whittering. 5 minutes later she went back to her; but only after we said 'we need to go now.' We left sooner than we intended to did because she was ruining our coffee and chat together, and we felt uncomfortable with her leaving the woman she was meant to be 'caring' for. She could have run off or harmed herself or anything!

So did she do wrong? (Leaving the woman on her own.) And would you do anything about it? (eg report her?) She isn't the type you talk to about it, as she would kick off and slag you off to everyone, and if she WAS reported, (by someone else,) she would think it was us.

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 24/02/2017 10:30

You seem to know a lot about the needs of the person, and the life of the carer.
What are you reporting.
Woman left on her own for a bit Confused

LouKout · 24/02/2017 10:31

Wish people got as outraged about the possibility of carers being useless as they do about someone being nosey though

GwenStaceyRocks · 24/02/2017 10:34

Not every person with a carer needs constant supervision.
I do find it ironic that the OP is trying to get the woman sacked. Surely that means she'll have even more opportunity to interrupt OP's coffees Hmm

dangermouseisace · 24/02/2017 10:35

YA probably BU.

You don't know the clients support plan. Unless the client was obviously in danger/at risk then there are no grounds to report the carer.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 24/02/2017 10:35

I'm a carer and have bumped into people whilst with a client. A quick 'hi' as I walked past did me. I wouldn't leave them because it's their time, even if they do like to be independent or are ok to be left on their own, I'm not paid to stand around chatting to people I know.

differentnameforthis · 24/02/2017 10:36

though personally I wouldn't leave a dog in her care. if you don't think she is suitable as a carer, then you need to make that known to which ever agency she works for, to protect her client.

Sunnyshores · 24/02/2017 10:37

You obviously have concerns about how the vulnerable person was being looked after. We hear awful stories on the news all the time and wonder why neighbour/family/someone didnt report it. So, yes if it genuinely worries you report it.

CaraAspen · 24/02/2017 10:39

OP:
You were there and you saw the person she was meant to be "caring for". Nobody else on this thread did so I would ignore those who are saying you didn't know the situation: you knew the situation better than they did because you witnessed this. Body language can reveal a lot.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 24/02/2017 10:45

I'm a support worker (aka carer) for adults with mental health issues. I'm currently out with a client at a college class. He's gone to the local shop and in sat with my chocolate bar glass of water.
Later I'm bringing another client (diagnosed with the same thing) to the same place. I won't even let him go outside for a cigarette without me.

Why do I behave so differently? Because I know them and I know what they are capable of and also their risks whilst out. That's because I am bloody good at my job. Maybe that's also the case with the lady you saw.
I guess to an observer it looks like I'm not 'doing my job' but actually I'm promoting independence as much as I can within their own capabilities.

chitofftheshovel · 24/02/2017 10:47

Bloody hell, wind your neck in woman (although you're not responding I'm any more I'm sure you're reading.).

All clients are different, I used to take one of mine to a line dancing evening. Gasp, shock, horror, he'd go out for a fag by himself. Because I knew he'd be fine. Others, when out and about, I stick to very closely, just in case. I used my judgement, she used hers.

Your problem is with her. And yes, yabu. Very.

chitofftheshovel · 24/02/2017 10:51

newt put it much more succinctly than I did. Good x post.

littlemissangrypants · 24/02/2017 10:55

I used to work as a carer. Care plans detailed exactly what support people got. The service users were adults and certainly the ones I supported where capable of making their own decisions.
The service users went clubbing, out on dates, smoked, had sex and had jobs. (staff had to follow strict rules about capacity and we were not allowed to stop service users doing things we did not agree with, as long as it was legal and they were capable of deciding what they want to do and consequences) They made decisions about their own lives and as staff we had to support their decisions as they had capacity to decide things for themselves.
Service users that wanted to be able to do things for themselves where given training and left for small amounts of time at first to get them used to being on their own. In some cases it might well have looked like we were walking off and leaving the service users behind but they chose this and they have a right to live a life without us telling them what to do. They are not children.
By all means report the person if you feel that the person being supported was being neglected. If the carer was following the care plan then her company will tell you to sod off. If on the other hand careplans were not followed then she will lose her job. (I think it would be bloody awful for her but careplans are there for a reason and need to be followed to protect staff from abuse allegations)
Having supported people with disabilities I know that the ones I looked after where not children. They resented being treated like less and they wanted their independance. Looking at disabled people you shouldn't automatically assume that they are helpless and need constant supervision. After all how would you feel if someone supervised you all day every day and told you how to live your life.

atheistmantis · 24/02/2017 10:57

You shouldn't have waved at her, you suggested that she was welcome to come and chat to you and you distracted her from her work to boot. Ignore her if she's that annoying.

littlemissangrypants · 24/02/2017 11:02

Also to add I often worked 36 or 48 hour shifts. In that time I used the toilet and even had food. All while still doing my job. I didn't sleep in that time so at least I ddin't completely neglect people. From the sounds of things some people don't realise that carers/support workers will not be able to support their service users 24/7. We all have bodily needs which need fulfilling.
I certainly would not have managed a 48 hour shift with no food on top of no sleep.

sparechange · 24/02/2017 11:03

You've clearly got bigger ishoos with this woman than her job
Hence referring to her as a 'carer' in inverted commas in your posts.

You sound like very hard work tbh...

DixieNormas · 24/02/2017 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Euripidesralph · 24/02/2017 11:12

Without knowing the clients needs it's difficult and it really doesn't help you getting defensive

I run a service of carers and some clients this would be done to foster independence but others it would be totally inappropriate

If you want to report it fair enough because if it was a client who needed constant watch then yes it needs reporting but I would suggest you reword it and report the facts rather than your attitude because of your op came to me as a complaint I would be inclined to roll my eyes (I would still investigate but it would certainly make me question the validity )

Carers perform a litany of different jobs and roles in the service and it's more complex than just being sat watching a charge. ...a social call (which it sounds like it was) is not just them going out for a coffee it is sometimes encouraging independence

Sounds like the woman was annoying you and I don't blame you for that I hate people doing things like that to me....but you do come across quite nasty about her

kali110 · 24/02/2017 11:13

So report, but make sure you tell them it's because you don't like the woman, as it's clear it's vindictive.
Learning difficulties and mental health problems are completely different things!Confused
This woman knows the person she is caring for, you do not.
You've got the response you have because your posts are rude, offensive and you clearly don't like the woman, not because you care.

AQuietMind · 24/02/2017 11:15

You sound extremely unpleasant op, You are pissed off that this woman disturbed your coffee not any other reason.

bigearsthethird · 24/02/2017 11:24

YABU I think reporting someone for this would not be a very nice thing to do because you have no idea what type of care she was meant to be giving. And as the person she was caring for sat and had her coffee/cake and no incident, why would you be concerned?

If she was someone you liked alot would you have felt the same way?

kali110 · 24/02/2017 11:27

And i have no idea who you were till i came onto this thread op, ( maybe people just, shock don't agree with you)i still think you're wrong.
Learning difficulties and mental problems are completely different and if you don't understand shouldn't be judging.
You have no idea if this career is giving the person she is looking after independence, or that the person can be left for short periods.
You have just decided she shouldn't be left because you don't understand and you don't think it's right.
Maybe people have said it's ok because they have actual experience unlike you!
You've judged because you don't like this woman.

OhhBetty · 24/02/2017 11:27

I've worked in care a long time. It's clear you know nothing about it tbh. Not all people requiring care need nor want constant supervision. Unless you have read her care plans you can't possibly know!
I've a feeling you'll report this carer simply because you have a personal vendetta against her. I also have a feeling you may embellish the truth.
I think it's cowardly to report her at work because you don't like her rather than just saying something to her.
I think if you do report just tell them you are letting them know just in case the sevice user isn't to be out of a carers sight for five minutes.

MissingPanda · 24/02/2017 11:29

I'm a support worker. With some clients I'd quite happily leave them sat at a table while I went to the toilet because I know it's safe to do so. Others I'd either wait until we got back or take them with me because it isn't.

We can't say what catergory the client in your op falls into because we don't know their needs. Your dislike of this woman does come across clearly though and it sounds like you're reporting her because of that dislike rather than true concern.

Personally I wouldn't go across and start chatting to someone but that's because I'm working.

kali110 · 24/02/2017 11:31

ohhyes vendetta. Really cowardly thing to do.
Really offensive to say that if
And whether the woman had learning difficulties or is mentally ill or both, who cares so if you have m/h problems you can't be left Confused or all l/d means you have to be supevised 24/7?
m/h and l/d are all the same?
Obvious she has absolutely no idea. Really hope nothing happens to this poor woman!

OhhBetty · 24/02/2017 11:41

kali110 many people with mh issued or lds do not need constant supervision. I've worked with a service user before who just needed assistance with paying but that was all. Or they could have been out together bonding if the carer was a keyworker.
Many people with lds and/or mh issues are perfectly capable of living a "normal" life Hmm