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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Parking, assaulted. AIBU to report to police?

410 replies

newnamenew · 23/02/2017 17:33

Car parked in disabled spot. Only disabled bay on site. I politely pull up alongside and down my window. Person does same. I ask if they are disabled, they reply no, I ask if she would please move as I use a wheelchair and really need the spit.

I'm to,d I'm arrogant and she was refusing to move due to my attitude. So I park alongside. She'd parked, if you imagine an inverse T shape, she would be the I part. She had a car parker behind her but room behind. So I parked I. The T of the inverse T. I got my wheelchair out and displayed my disabled badge. Person 2 comes and asks me what the fuck I'm doing and to move my fucking car. Goes into my car and takes my disabled badge saying I wasn't disabled anymore and goes to their car. I start wheeling to the shop, comes up behind me, drags me back towards my car by the back of the seat. It tilts, back at my car, chair still tilted hits me in the back, tries to get in my car again, puts finger in my face saying I give disabled people a bad name.

I go into shop, came out to find badge on back of car wiper thingy and they'd gone. Should I go to the police? Was I bring unreasonable not to move my car to give them move room to exit the disabled spot (mind they exited the spot anyway)?

OP posts:
Mrsmorton · 23/02/2017 23:38

random why don't you just block someone in? Then you can move if they come back? I'm not sure you should ever use a blue badge spot if you don't have a blue badge.
If no one uses the sports centre at that time, why is the car park full?

Why does it matter that it's a university sports centre rather than any other type? And why do you need to be so close to it?

Op Flowers I was aghast at your first message and sadly, more aghast now. I can't imagine how difficult it must be and how fragile your plans are based on someone's level of cuntiness. I'm ashamed that people think this is anywhere near acceptable.

JustEatYourDinner · 24/02/2017 00:09

Glad you are going to follow through with the charges. Sorry this happened to you.

mummyto2monkeys · 24/02/2017 01:34

Good luck tomorrow op! Please update the thread and let us know how you got on.

I am a full time wheelchair user too, I felt sick reading your post and saw red when you were being blamed for the actions of a nasty, vicious man and a vindictive women! There is such a vulnerability when you are disabled, particularly when you have your child with you. I have toppled out of my wheelchair/ had my wheelchair tip back with me in it, of course a grown man is capable of pulling you back! He must have used significant force to cause a soft tissue injury!

I wonder if those who are rushing to blame you would respond, if a man grabbed a woman from behind, dragging her backwards before assaulting her. Would there be any victim blaming? I think not! When I am in my wheelchair it is an extension of me, you pull me backwards then you might as well be dragging me backwards whilst standing. There is absolutely ZERO justification for what happened! My husband would have asked similarly to you op, I use a wav and a ramp and depending on the location, there are times where disabled bays are the only spaces long enough to allow for my ramp to be pulled out and for me to be removed from the car. Quite often my husband has to block cars in until he can let me out, before finding an alternative space. So in this situation the same thing would have happened to me.

I'm sorry op, both for the horrendous assault you have been subjected to but also for the victim blaming you have experienced on this thread. I am hoping that the police manage to charge them! Make sure you let your local newspaper know about these thugs and their behaviour! Unfortunately any discussion on disabled parking bays or disabled toilets gets defensive posts from people with invisible disabilities.
I absolutely get it, I have been the person with the invisible illness (my son has an invisible condition), I have been accosted for taking up a space I didn't deserve (despite my blue badge and my inability to walk very far without crutches) The abuse you can get for using disabled facilities if you don't fit the ideal image of a disabled person is awful.

I am now a full time wheelchair user. I believe that everyone with a blue badge is entitled to park in a disabled bay, no matter whether in a wheelchair or suffering from chronic breathing difficulties (my Dad looks well enough, but has had multiple heart attacks/ triple heart bypass leaving him unable to walk very far so he needed his blue badge.) This isn't about the op judging those with invisible disabilities, it was about a bully who physically assaulted a vulnerable women in front of her child. It would be equally horrendous had he treated someone with an invisible illness that way, or indeed a healthy person. There is never ever an excuse for abuse. Suggesting otherwise is like saying, well you were being inflammatory by asking that man if he was using the table so he is perfectly entitled to assault you! Or well I would never have dressed that way, so she really asked for it by dressing in such a provocative manner. I hope the police are supportive tomorrow op.

Asparagusupmynose · 24/02/2017 05:35

mummyto2monkeys- fabulous post! I agree.

Mrsemcgregor · 24/02/2017 07:47

I hope all goes well with the police today OP Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 24/02/2017 08:24

Good luck with the police. I hope they take this really seriously

newnamenew · 24/02/2017 08:26

Thank you for the lovely posts overnight, I was exhausted and fell asleep shortly after my last post. I didn't sleep well, kept waking up. I fully intend to follow this through as far as I can. I have a steely resolve and massive anger after sleeping on it. Who the fuck are these people to openly refuse a disabled person a disabled parking spot, and then to physically assault someone in a wheelchair for daring to park next to them.

I will update this thread as events occur. If I'm informed not to for legal reasons, e.g.: case going to court etc, I will have to stop but until then yes, I'll update.

I must admit, I have a fear if being identified. Clearly my name is printed on the back of my blue badge, and it had clearly been removed from its holder. Do it's incredibly likely these people know my name.

Random, you have no idea how disabled people feel about approaching someone sat in a disabled spot. There's an inherent fear of being verbally abused, and it takes a massive amount of courage to ask. Usually I have DP with me, but DD came with me yesterday, and it was an impromptu visit to the shop and look what happened. Asking a simple, perfectly valid question led to me being physically assaulted.

Starry, I was so upset that my DD had to witness me being confronted and physically assaulted. This bastard went into the car with my daughter in it, once to retrieve my blue badge, and fuck knows why the second time when the car was locked (and my daughter had the keys inside). I was distraught tbh at her having to witness this. Thus morning has brought a stoic resolve to nail this bastard.

In answer to your question, disability cars come with various modifications, including a hoist to fold/unfold the wheelchair (storage can either be in the boot or in a "biz" on the roof. Also there are driver seats the swivel 90 degrees to ease transfer. In my case, I always need someone with me.

If you're interested in reading further - www.motability.co.uk/wav-guide.pdf and www.motability.co.uk/dfw have excellent information.

I'm so sorry Burning, sadly I can easily believe the persecution she faced. Since becoming a disabled wheelchair user my eyes have truly been opened. It's like a totally different world, I'm sad her book wasn't published. Thinking, I can't recall any books really of a disabled person talking about their daily lives and the struggles we face. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Flowers

Lynn, this is the same at one of my local supermarkets, limited disabled spots and people park there to use the adjacent cash machines, or even to run into store to get a sandwich. It was hell over Christmas and I questioned one who said it was alright as they would "only be a minute". Well that's clearly ok then, wtf am I supposed to do in the meantime.

And don't get me started on my local supermarket.in the next village. I live rurally so main, large supermarket is 15 min drive away. Parking is very limited at the local supermarket, perhaps 12 spots, and one disabled. People create an extra space by parking across the hatchings of the disabled spot (effectively rendering it impossible to open drivers door fully) and, of course, using the spot. I've questioned a handful of people doing both and been told "You can fucking wait then, can't you", "I won't be long", "The other spots were full, why was I supposed to park", and many more. Being disabled has really opened my eyes.

I'd actually say, worryingly, a majority - based on my own experiences- don't give a toss about disabled people and are automatically inconsiderate, not thinking of other people. This isn't meant to be inflammatory mind, this is my own experience, although I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear them replicated.

Mrsmorton, you shouldn't imo. Yet the "I'll only be a minute", "I'm just picking someone up", "there's nowhere else to park" crowd justify their atrocious behaviour like this. It's bad enough living life as a disabled person without facing additional challenges when needing to go out. I've experienced verbal abuse at supermarkets (large shops now home delivered), the hospital and the doctors. Then you get physical assaults. It makes you just want to stay home never venturing out. So many people are totally inconsiderate.

Hi mummy, what an incredible post. Thank you so much for making it.

People really do not understand how vulnerable you feel, and are when in a wheelchair. The number of times people have clipped me with a trolley and looked at me with utter disdain in a "how dare you impede me" look, then carrying on their journey with no apology. It would be hilarious if these people had to spend a day in a wheelchair and encounter the issues we face every day of our lives.

He used enough force to pull me back, and for the wheelchair to tip back. Due to being bed, and wheelchair, bound I'm rather overweight which gives even more perspective to the force he used to control my movement. His punch really fucking hurt. I was even more distraught my daughter witnessed it.

What a exceptional point you make too - a wheelchair is an extension of a disabled person. Putting him hands on my wheelchair is like him putting his hands on a normal person; and his actions akin to dragged that person back then punching them. I bet if a woman posted that experience there wouldn't be the victim blaming as here. Remember I didn't block them in - if I blocked them in
, how were they freely able to leave? Or should I have waited for them to vacate the disabled spot they were ineligible to utilise? Be the invisible person disabled people should be? God, I'm fucking pissed at it all this morning. Whereas yesterday was about the pain and traumatic impact if everything, overnight I've found my anger.

Yes, I managed some years without a wheelchair with invisible disabilities. The wheelchair has alleviated some of the abuse, but a significant number of my issues remain invisible disabilities. It's really fucking hard, mentally and physically deciding to go out. It's a battle each time. Then the looks, the snide comments, the open verbal aggression. It's something that isn't recognised until you are placed in the disablement position yourself. A lot of people have a very "cut-and-dried" vision of a disabled person - old and frail, cannot walk, needs support of another etc etc. Anyone breaking their strict parameters clearly is taking the piss. I'm young, the looks are horrible.

I'm sorry about both you being a full-time wheelchair occupant, and about your dad (again it's the set vision people have isn't it? "But you look fine"). As someone suffering from several invisible disabilities I'm most aware of them so clearly I wouldn't steam in both barrels at someone parked in a disability spot (although I doubt many disabled people drive the close to £100,000+ car they were driving). I was polite and respectful, and received a condescending answer in return. Then the response in my parking next to them, the only other option being to go home - and this shop is a 30 minute drive from home - and come back another day - was to be physically assaulted. I hope CCTV captured it all, there are two shops next to one another, they are confident the footage covers the respected area but will only release to the police.

Thank you for your eloquent post mummy, ill of course update thus afternoon/evening after seeing the police.

OP posts:
RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 24/02/2017 08:30

OP 💐
I hope these arseholes get identified and charged.

@RandomMess if I can't see a free space I have take my parents home from the hospital. Means missing their appointments, which they can ill afford to do, as the attendants don't let people hang around waiting for a free space (but they don't check blue badges,odd). Please don't take up these spaces.

hmcAsWas · 24/02/2017 08:40

I think you might want to consider having this thread deleted as soon as it becomes apparent that charges will be pressed. This is the kind of 'news story' that when it goes to court will get lots of coverage...can you imagine the headlines "Mercedes driving businessman, physically assaults disabled woman over spat over disabled parking spot" (only catchier - I would clearly not cut it as a journo)

I am saddened to hear of the regular abuse / disdain / lack of consideration you experience from the general populace - but not surprised. People are generally a bit shit ....

newnamenew · 24/02/2017 08:55

Agree hmc

OP posts:
HiggeldyPiggeldy · 24/02/2017 09:02

I am truly shocked at the abuse that seems so common place towards disabled people over use of parking spaces and toilets, it really beggars belief.

OP your situation must have been terrifying, I know as someone who is not disabled I would have been really frightened. I hope your dd is ok, it must have been so upsetting for her to witness her mum being attacked. Good luck with the police, the piece of shit that did this to you really does need the book thrown at him

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 24/02/2017 09:07

OP, you can always start a new thread to update if this needs to go.

Youallpissmeoff · 24/02/2017 09:15

Definitely go to the police. I feel upset reading your post, I cannot imagine how vulnerable and violated you feel. How dare they touch your chair!AngryAngryAngry
FlowersStarFlowersStarFlowers for you.

flippinada · 24/02/2017 09:20

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad night newname but am not surprised in the circumstances. Your posts and mummys are very revealing about what people with disabilities have to go through.

I'd like to think that the posters who made victim blaming comments upthread feel embarrassed and ashamed of themselves after reading your updates, but that's probably a vain hope.

One small point of disagreement, you both say a woman who'd been assaulted wouldn't be victim blamed in the same way. I'm afraid she would, I've seen it on here before. It's depressing how common it is.

Anyway, I hope the police are supportive and helpful today. Thinking of you and your daughter today.

flippinada · 24/02/2017 09:21

YY higgeldy, me too, without the added vulnerability being in a wheelchair gives you.

StarryIllusion · 24/02/2017 09:24

I would be as well, poor girl, is she okay? The hoist and swivel is pretty clever, so it would actually unfold the chair itself? That must give people so much more independence but what a pain in the arse for you, having to always take someone with you. You should get one with the money you get from suing the tosser. I'm furious for you. What a complete and utter cunt.

Scrumptiousbears · 24/02/2017 09:28

OP tell the police of your concerns he has you name etc name IF he is arrested they can put nil conditions not to contact/approach you. If he does he's in big trouble.

paraMN · 24/02/2017 09:36

Really hoping you get somewhere with this and the courts throw the book at him. Fingers crossed for the CCTV.

Please protect yourself and have the thread removed before the DM get hold of it.

asknicely · 24/02/2017 09:39

Here's what should have happened-

Op - Excuse me but are you disabled? Its just a need the spot because I am a wheelchair user.

Actual disabled person in the parking space - Yes I am actually and i'm just waiting for my husband to come out of the shop. However if you wait a minute we'll be out of this space and you can pull in.

Op - Thanks, i'll just temporarily pull in over here. Thanks

Actual disabled person in the parking space - No problem. He should be back in a jiffy.

Op -Ok, good bye

What kind of world do we live in that we can't ask someone (politely) if they need that space/babychanging room/highchair/extra empty chair at their table.....etc etc

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/02/2017 09:51

newname hang on a sec - you just wrote that his punch hurt you?? When you posted "back at my car, chair still tilted hits me in the back" I thought you meant the chair somehow hit you in the back - maybe through some kind of ricochet?

Have I misunderstood, and actually this PoS hit you in the back??

newnamenew · 24/02/2017 10:50

Yes puzzled my chair tilted back due to the force, and speed he was moving at, he then punched in the back.

OP posts:
newnamenew · 24/02/2017 10:52

I fully intend to create another thread for updates if I need this one deleted. You've all been so, so supportive, you've no idea how much your kind words have helped (my DD too has read and been following this thread).

OP posts:
newnamenew · 24/02/2017 10:53

That's for that scrumptious I've made a note of it.

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 24/02/2017 10:54

Newname good luck today Flowers

I've seen my mam hounded for using hers. She had it when she was having chemo and couldn't walk very far, although the baldness and walking stick should of give it away. It opened my eyes too about what some people can be like.

FWIW I think a PP has said similar but when a wheelchair user asked her (nicely) around Christmas if she needed a space once, she moved and got my dad to drop her outside the shop.

It's not about disability too trumps it's about being a decent person.

CoraPirbright · 24/02/2017 10:55

If there is a god then there will be CCTV identifying his car and everything. Then I hope they skin him alive.