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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend keeps texting

30 replies

July100 · 21/02/2017 13:39

Anyone had experience of this and how did you deal with it?
One of my friends texts every day, or almost every day , and its hard to round off the conversation, as she always asks questions
I don't want to sound ungrateful for the friendship , but with all my other friends, we text now and again and meet now and again , but no-one texts every day Like I say, don't want to sound ungrateful,but just finding it a bit much .....

OP posts:

JustSpeakSense · 21/02/2017 13:41

Don't answer her texts ever single time, only have a text 'chat' when it is convenient for you.

xStefx · 21/02/2017 13:42

I usually end txts like that with :

A: Driving now, will speak to you later
B: Just on my way out now, speak soon

something breezy like that, or does she not take that hint either?

Original poster

July100 · 21/02/2017 13:43

Thanks , yes sometimes she doesn't take the hint Thats a good idea about not answering every single time...

OP posts:

gleam · 21/02/2017 13:44

Your first text back could include saying you're off out in 10 mins or similar.

Yukbuck · 21/02/2017 13:46

Could you give a bit of context? Do you live in the same town? How often do you see each other? Is she a busy person or a bit bored do you think?
I agree it sounds a bit much but just trying to get some context and hoping it isn't me haha

Whathaveilost · 21/02/2017 13:47

I normally round it off with 'got to go now! Catch up soon x"

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2017 13:49

I have the same problem.

And if I reply, he takes that as a sign that I'm up for an ongoing text 'conversation'. Or else immediately calls me.

It's irritating, tbh.

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KitKat1985 · 21/02/2017 14:16

Watching as I have the same issue with a friend. She moved about 200 miles away (and I don't think has many friends locally) and it started to get bad when she broke up with her long-term boyfriend about a year ago, and since then she contacts me over FB messenger often several times a day. I was hoping now she had a new boyfriend and a job she likes it would taper down a bit, but it hasn't. A lot of her messages are really banal (e.g, when do you think I should take my car for it's MOT? What plates should I buy)? She's lovely and I don't want to upset her but it's really doing my head in now. I really resent the way the messages instantly pop up on my screen and therefore get instantly marked as 'read', so I can't even pretend I haven't seen them.

TheNaze73 · 21/02/2017 14:16

I couldn't be dealing with that. A catch you later/soon & then I'd ignore. It staggers me how needy/bored some people are with incessant texting. Drives me up the wall. After text #5 I'm not thinking how nice, they've shared the most dullest granular detail of their day, I'm thinking get a bloody life

MontalbanoFan · 21/02/2017 14:19

I think we have the same friend, OP!
One of her favourite questions is "What have you been up today?"

I suppose I would miss her though if she stopped.

SanitysSake · 21/02/2017 14:33

My favourite trick is to absolutely never answer my phone. I screen absolutely everything and only reply based on the urgency of the message/my immediate levels of boredom. That way I completely control what I'm prepared to get involved with and at what time.

I will not be railroaded by anyone!

Same goes with Facebook. I can show as online... but I can screen those too by just not registering the message and if I want to, getting back at a time that suits me.

In short, don't be too available! She'll get the message!

user1484394242 · 21/02/2017 14:38

"My favourite trick is to absolutely never answer my phone. I screen absolutely everything and only reply based on the urgency of the message/my immediate levels of boredom. That way I completely control what I'm prepared to get involved with and at what time."

^ this

Also block people on whatsapp if they constantly send messages. I don't like to switch off the 'online' option because it's useful for DH & DD with the family thread. If others have to use text instead, they can't see when you read the mesage or if you're on your phone

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2017 14:40

Is there a way you can read people's messssges on Facebook Messenger without them seeing whether it's 'read' or not?

LiveLifeWithPassion · 21/02/2017 14:41

Most people I know have busy times of the day where they don't pick up their phones. We catch up and reply when we re free.
Don't answer every text. Find a quiet moment when you've got the time and energy for dealing with it.

FrenchLavender · 21/02/2017 14:51

I have had a couple of friends like this - it bewilders me, I hate it. It's not my thing at all but lots of people find it completely normal to have this inane and random chatter going back and forth all day every day.It seems the be the mark of a proper friendship for them. It bores me rigid and I don't see the point of it.

The only thing you can do is not read or open any messages as they come in, but look at them all once at the end of the day, then reply 'sorry, only just seen all these texts - were you very bored today or what?! I'm not one for looking at my phone constantly or texting people unless it's important.'

Hopefully she'll get the message in the end.

seagreengirl · 21/02/2017 14:58

I usually round it off with a after a couple of texts back and forth. It usually works.

HeyYouYesYou · 21/02/2017 15:09

It doesn't have to be a 'conversation' though does it?

I hardly send texts but occasionally I'll have a WhatsApp 'conversation' with one friend who happens to be online at the same time. She always seems to round the conversation off with 'talk to you later' type stuff which I find odd because isn't that what texting is anyway? A looooong open-ended conversation which never needs to be properly ended and to which you reply when you have time and if the mood actually strikes you?

I realise other people see it differently. But personally I'd not feel compelled to reply instantly. You only need to respond when and IF you want to. Obviously certain questions would be slightly different eg 'what was the name of that restaurant you recommended?', 'Do you want to go to the movies on Tuesday' etc.

leghoul · 21/02/2017 15:12

I just don't reply if I don't have time and I don't expect replies back to texts all the time either - texting is about convenience - at the person's leisure when convenient they can read it and reply - whereas calling demands their time immediately. I don't think you need to worry about not replying - the problem is when you do reply you invite more dialogue so best to not reply all the time.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/02/2017 15:32

My oldest friend can be a bit like this, but we both know it's perfectly acceptable to not reply for several hours at a time, if we are busy. Neither will get offended or upset by a text silence.

My brother annoys me slightly - if I text him to ask a quick question, he'll phone me instead of replying. I get that he doesn't like texting but I absolutely hate talking on the phone (to the extent of having huge anxiety about it). Just the phone ringing has been known to trigger a panic attack. Often my text question only requires a "yes" or "no" reply anyway. Hardly War and Peace.

Kiroro · 21/02/2017 15:37

With my close friends we have a group convo going on all the time. If you don't want to join in, you don't. You can dip in and out.It keeps people connected with people you know, actually like and want to chat to!

GeorgiePeachie · 21/02/2017 15:38

is your friend me...?

sockswars · 21/02/2017 16:17

There is a way to pick up FB messages with out them showing as read. Switch off your wifi and mobile data (3G) then read the message. After you've read it switch it all back on.

AVY1 · 21/02/2017 16:26

Me and my best friends often go days between replying even if it is technically mid conversation. Even if we know the other has read the message we never get annoyed about it. As others have said you don't have to always reply. Just reply when you feel like it / have something to say.

wobblywonderwoman · 21/02/2017 16:30

I have had this.. Of early Sunday morning phonecalls when I haven't had the chance to decide what I want to do yet myself.

I think I would just not answer every text... She may ask you what she has done to upset you though .. So maybe leave it for a day and text 'oh so busy.. Only getting back.. ' so she doesn't feel she has does something wrong.

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