My partner stripped for others

[pinkrosebuds69]

How would you take this ?

After a pub night out a group of us went back to a friends ( including a couple of people neither me or my partner had met before )

I went to bed almost immediately as I had a long drive on Sunday .

My dp instigated a " fun" stripping session with some of the girls with some " funny" whipping and spanking . She drew the line when it got a bit sexual and came to bed .

I am really upset . If I had walked down in the middle of it I would have been horrified and not known if the line would be drawn .
( two of the girls have form for this and things to be sexual with others )

What do you think ? Is this ok?

My dp feels bad . But should I take action ?

I am female. Have a primary aged child .

Good career .

Not a student for ten years

I wasn't confused by your post.
It sounds hopeful that your gf is sorry and regretful.
She needs to rethink her relationship to alcohol, even of she does not often drink to excess, it's clearly doing her no favours. She didn't act like an adult with responsibilities, and looking like she's sexually available when she's in a relationship is rubbish. BUT we've all done things we regret when drunk, it's one of the reasons I stopped drinking years ago, my drunk self was in danger of letting my sober self down. So how have the last 5 years been? Had she done anything like this before or was this a one off. If you are able to talk about limits and boundaries, and she is already sorry, it sounds to me like you two can work it out.

That's a good question, is it out of character for her or is she normally attention seeking/exhibionist?

Was there someone there you suspect she is attracted to? Where as I've seen folks get drunk and strip before, I'd say full nudity is something else.

Have you previously had a discussion with your DP as to what constitutes "cheating", for each of you?

I mean you're not married. So unless you've talked about this kind of boundary before, you can't blame her for exercising her own judgement.

If you now tell her "this crossed the boundaries of what I consider acceptable in a monogamous relationship" and she says "Fair dos, won't do it again" then it's the end of it as far as I'd be concerned.

If you can't get over the idea that someone else has seen your DP naked then by all means leave her and find someone more uptight in line with your views.

She used to be quite exbitionist in her youth.
She is 36 by the way
She says she feels like she regressed

She says she feels like she regressed

She's 36 and she instigated this. And she was an exhibitionist in her youth.

I'd be bloody furious with her to be honest now too. What on earth was she thinking? 36 going on 6 more like!

No she's not done it before - just the behaviour

Cheating or not, sounds attention seeking, immature and dickish and for that reason I'd be off.

Honestly, op, I'd think there was someone there she was attracted to. I'm sorry,

It seems an odd thing to do for fun. I may be a prude but stripping off and whipping my friends would do nothing for me.

I'd also be concerned that your DP was the instigator. How would she feel if you did something similar?

troodie call me a prude if you want but if you and your friends whip each other over bare flesh for a laugh then yes that verges on sexual for me, but also I don't think it's something I'd take lightly, if I were in a relationship or not. I wouldn't expect my partner to take it lightly either.

Ok not the point, but: it's hysterical how many people assumed DP was male, despite OP suggesting otherwise (was slightly unclear, but was there) and even insist that apparently a lesbian stripping for blokes is much worse for other women.

'Leave them' is standard MN looney advice to almost every complaint. Feel free to take it if your relationship is worth so little effort that one mistake ends it.

'Fab DF material' means your DP won't make a very good father! Again, loving this thread.

Back to the point:

She screwed up. Not my cup of tea, I'd be fuming; but I'm quite uptight and I know many people just consider this sort of thing a good night out. Give her both barrels; you've every right and it needs letting out. Let her make it up to you. Then let it go (assuming you love her enough to and are grown up enough to do so). Maybe some firmer boundaries about alcohol are needed too.

OP, you talk about girls and men stripping.

How young were these girls?

I would consider this cheating, no doubt

And someone who behaves in such a sleazy manner has no place in my life

So I could be in a 5 year relationship, be at the point of contemplating having a child with my partner...then whilst my partner is sleeping I'll strip naked and be spanked, whipped and basically have myself an orgy of sorts all under the guise of fun? But it's fine because I had drawn a line at sex?

OP, she crossed the line and danced all over the fucker whilst waving a whip around with one hand and sticking two fingers up to your relationship with the other...

"If you can't get over the idea that someone else has seen your DP naked hmm"

I don't think this is the issue, is it? OP wouldn't be annoyed if people had seen his/her partner naked at the sauna or something.

Worra the op said they were in their thirties,

How young were these girls?

I think the OP has already said they were around 30.

It doesn't matter the sexual orientation doesn't really matter. I personally would feel betrayed. The good part is your partner stopped came upstairs and told you. I think let her prove she's sorry. She needs to stop drinking so much.

donquixote actually I got from the start that both partners here were female.

I don't know how OP sees it or others do, but for me as a straight female men getting off on lesbian stuff disgusts me a bit. I also do know lesbian friends who aren't happy with straight or gay men "perving" over them eg if there were a scenario like this. If the hetero man in this scenario had engaged sexually with OP's DP, then as a bisexual woman but in a lesbian relationship that isn't on for both of them to engage in sexual behaviour eg with a hetero man. That's how I see it anyway.

Ahh right, sorry I got confused with the references to 'girls' and 'men'.

So men and women then?

I thinking it was slightly more sinister.

Sleazy. When she says it started to get sexual, what does she mean? I'm trying to see what her boundary was, if you see what I mean

I'd be annoyed if dh got fully naked and danced spanked etc with our friends who were also mostly fully undressed.

She says she stopped when it turned sexual, her definition of sexual sounds different to yours, id feel the stuff that happened before it became clear they'd be having sex with each other was sexual.

group sex, partner swapping or whatever was probably the hoped for end result from the ones suggesting the "bit of fun" that involves people dancing naked etc with each other.

If your dp genuinely feels it harmless bit of fun she'd be ok with you doing the same?

It's cheating to me, I'd feel the same regardless of the sex and sexuality of my partner.

witsender I'm guessing kissing, touching, etc... don't want to really spell it out here! meant "it got a bit sexual".

However more this goes on the more I think OP's DP isn't quite telling the truth here about what actually happened.