Overstimulated? What a load of?

[Mrsknackered]

My cousins children are really lovely kids. They're just a bit different to mine.
My eldest is happy to sit in a restaurant and eat nicely. Her children especially her youngest of the same age as my DS cannot under any circumstances do this. They are constantly interrupting anyone who speaks, various dinners get made a night in the hope to find something they eat, they're never told no, etc.
My cousin will undoubtedly every time when we are round there say "oh they are just so overstimulated", "my goodness the children must be overstimulated".
Her and her DH have used this terminology since the children were very very small.
Wtf is overstimulated? How on earth do you tell a child is overstimulated?
Do 8 year olds and 4 year olds even get overstimulated?!?!
Love her, love them, but goodness me it is getting so tiresome and everyone in the family now uses 'overstimulated' as a (lighthearted) joke behind her back!

*daft

As an adult I suffer with over stimulation , especially in very busy areas I can't cope , get stress and anxiety ( best way I can describe it ) my asd daughter gets aggressive when she's over stimulated either physically or verbally. It's hard work
I don't doubt it's annoying if your trying to have a nice lunch my oh hates it when dd having issues , but is there not ways of taking things to try to clam them like books pens etc ( I know it's not ur place but if you had an arsenal of stuff you could just produce it and the children might listen if it's coming from some one else )

Op - yanbu

I think over stimulating is a thing however I think that in this case it's being used in the wrong way.

If a child struggles with restaurants/busy noisy environments can you change the time you go to a quieter period?

The sharing scenario that you describes sounds like parents just don't want to say no and have set boundaries or teach the child the correct way to behave it's this that would be an issue for me

When my child gets overstimulated he eventually goes into meltdown. He finds pretty much all public places too stimulating and tries to self regulate by making noises or banging on things. If anyone sees a child doing that don't assume they are badly behaved.

ADHD is not 'just naughty child syndrome'. What an ignorant thing to say.

Or maybe like many things it just wasn't understood then? I know an adult recently diagnosed with ADHD.. Is that naughty adult syndrome?

Punky genuinely interested as to what symptoms could lead to that diagnosis? I've not come across an adult diagnosis IRL. A short attention span is surely not the only box to tick?

YANBU. There seems to be a huge industry aimed at activity for kids all the livelong day and mega pressure on parents to 'do some classes'.

Some of this is surely handy, but I know people who do a LOT of this kind of thing (a day out every day of half-term for example) and/or let their kids play on iPads all the time. They need to spend some time being bored in order to be able to cope with life (some of which is really boring) and to be able to wind down and process the day.

And you do need to set out expectations before family events. Otherwise you end up with family seemingly enjoying time but in fact not enjoying it. While also definitely dodging helping you out, cos your kids are so much hard work.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/dxc-20198866

Sorry I don't have time to type it all out myself, but a simple googling sufficed.

op, I was a smug mum like you once. Could take my older dc anywhere. Impeccable behaviour. Then the third came along. Sometimes I'll use a teething or over stimulated excuse because I'm so embarrassed at how my child seems to be incapable of being in public without some sort of meltdown. Good times.

imyourmama
Have you ever met anyone with ADHD? Or indeed a teacher or edpsych? You don't get an ADHD diagnosis for being a bit rowdy.

beargrass completely agree with your point. We are failing if we don't cram a day with bloody activities nowadays.

ADHD - naughty child syndrome . Here @ImYourMama have a

OP, it seems clear to my mind that if your cousin is saying that neuro typical children are overstimulated all the time then this might be an excuse. But... so what? You describe them as lovely kids.

My Sil pulls this crap but her kids are " tired"
Every time they ruin a meal or day out for us all they are " tired"
Every time one of them has an epic meltdown because someone ( never parents) has actually said NO to the, they are " tired"
And so on
We don't tend to spend much time with them really!!

I don't think taking a child away from a difficult situation (no idea of age but sharing is a common enough problem ) and offering a snack to give a break and possibly rectify low blood sugars. Overstimulation because of tiredness/hunger can be a real thing but if they coukd watch for cues and get I there before the difficulties they'd help the kids and themselves e.g. no meals out just before nap/bedtime, arranged snacks at plays area to break up the time (an hour or so usually enough time for any child to have to share/get on etc especially after school/preschool when they're already tired). Children are different just like adults surprise surprise, despite many on mumsnet putting 'spirited' on a par with badly behaved/poorly parented. Don't we all know quiet, sensitive, introvert, extrovert, loud, high-spirited, calm, hyper, whatever type of people? Children as no different.

Sounds like they're trying to understand their kids but being a but unsure about their role. If you want to help you could talk about decent sleep, food etc and stepping in before disaster zone-ds1 turned into a lunatic like clockwork @11.30an in the month or so after his nap so I pre-empted it with chillout time and he woukd get a second wind afterwards. You get the idea.

*is a bad idea (should have been end first paragraph!!)

Punky has provided me with a helpful list that clearly boils down to complete bloody lack of self control and patience. Virtues that are no longer taught universally to children

I knew the uneducated disablist goady fuckers would be on this one.

ADHD isn't 'naughty child syndrome'.

But it is arguably over-diagnosed. And some children with ADHD are still badly parented.

Clearly I'myourmama knows better than the combined expertise of neuroscientists around the world.

Many parents have a favourite reason for their kids' behaviour.

I always tried to make them sleep if they misbehaved. Caught myself calling them "overtired" (WTF? More tired than tired ) My sister started feeding a misbehaving child because clearly a fidgety or tantruming child must be hungry. Cousin runs after them because they must be too hot or cold, clearly.

Imyourmama how ignorant and underinformed you are. You may be disabled but you have no idea what you're talking about.

My first two were like yoursRita
Third between the two , even he could get very overexcited / wet pants/ tantrum/ throw toys in company unless he had full time attention of an adult... they do all vary and as said before some are very susceptible to stimulation