husband changed DH is mind

[heartisshattered]

My DH and I have a DD who will be 3 in May.

I've always wanted a second and made no bones about it. I've always known DH would've been happy with one but since I'm an only child and hate it he's always said he'd have another one.

I changed jobs last year and in order to qualify for full pay I needed to wait until the end of march to
Try to conceive. He's always been ok with this but has said he doesn't want to wait much longer.

In a heated discussion today he said he didn't want anymore. I've been speaking to him recently about how looking forward I was to trying again and hopefully conceiving and he'd never said a thing.

Honestly my heart is broken. I dont know what to do. I feel like I've been led up the garden path. I'm sitting upstairs having a quiet cry because I got a big teary earlier and he told me to come back when I can discuss it like an adult.

Please be gentle with me, I'm devastated and not sure what to do

Oh, Im sorry OP, I really feel for you, the sulky git 😡
I was under the impression, he was waiting for you to come downstairs, so that he could explain himself.
If I were you, Id leave him there, and go to bed Sweet.
You must feel emotionally exhausted, the shock of it, and the way he spoke to you. Have a hug 🙋🏼

Thanks sugar

I haven't been going on and on about it. I'm busy with work and a toddler but it was always a priority for me and he has always known this and supported it. I was clear that I'd never want more than two children. I'm gutted. I've worked my arse off to be even more financially stable than before and it's like I've been kicked in the teeth

Mmm, I can imagine. I wonder why he has waited until now, to tell you.
From what you say, he seems to have been on board, for another baby.
I know people say things in anger, but this is a totally different level.
Only you know, if this is indeed a deal breaker for you. The silent treatment would be enough for me. Try and get some sleep love, tomorrow is a new day. 🌺

Is it possible that he's enjoying being better off? Perhaps the idea of OP going part time is difficult for him? Either way he's handling this like an idiot. Who does he think he is, speaking to you that way? A man who forces his partner to leave the room so that he doesn't have to acknowledge the upset he's caused doesn't deserve your brain space. Early night I think!

He doesn't sound like he deserves you. Could you go away with your toddler for a few days to give yourself time to think? He might get time on his own to think about how his life might be different to what he's imagining too.

Going along with something is not the same as wanting something, you wanted a second child and it appears he went along with it (unfortunately his 'talk' of having another, was just that, talk)'. You H has to understand that you don't have to accept his moving of the goalposts, there are consequences and only you can articulate this.

Where to go from here? How about by being realistic and honest with yourself and each other. You're entitled to be hurt but be wary of putting on the 'he promised me' blinkers on, which will blind you to the wants/needs of your partner. Another child won't exist in a bubble and it will have to thrive in a pre existing dynamic and if that dynamic has an undercurrent of resentment then it won't be healthy because resentment corrodes relationships.

It all boils down to if having a second child, or not, is a deal breaker. There can't be two winners when you both want different things. Take the time to absorb the new information but don't repeat past mistakes by listening only to the things that you want to hear.

Yanbu op from your posts it sounds like he has led you into thinking a 2nd would be on the cards.
I would try to calm a bit though and chat to him when you're ready- perhaps he's just freaking out now trying is a reality? Perhaps he found the newborn stage hard and needs a bit of reassurance? Don't give up based on one conversation

Don't give up hope yet OP, remember, when he deigns to speak, you'll find out for sure.
There is a chance, he would prefer to wait another year.
Just clutching at straws here, but it is possible, after all, he's been singing from the same hymn sheet !
I hope today is kind to you Lovely.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, your thread has really resonated with me because we're in a similar- ish situation, only we never agreed on two, I've always said (in a gentle lighthearted way) that I would like two, DH has always said that he doesn't and he's happy with our son who is now three, nearly four. I've never pushed it because I'm afraid he will make it a hard no. But I recently realised that he's never goi g to turn to me and be ready... so I'm going g to have to ask the question and have the difficult conversation soon. And I think I know the answer.
But I just can't imagine not being pregnant again and not having a baby again.
It's such a hard situation OP and I'm sorry it can't be easier

Aww DORRIS ☹️💐