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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thoroughly pissed off?

30 replies

Nicae · 18/02/2017 22:33

MIL and FIL are staying for the weekend, they haven't seen their 2 granddaughters (oldest 2yrs 3 month, youngest 11months) since Christmas. FIL was on the phone to SIL in the sitting room, as I brought the little one in to say goodnight he was saying 'we've been here a day and it's just nice to have something sensible to talk about, not just babies'. AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off? We have two very little children and yep our house pretty much revolves around them, if its too much to expect him to be interested in his grandchildren surely it's not too much to expect for him to keep his apathy to himself?

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 18/02/2017 22:38

That is rather rude!

It depends, though. Did you talk about anything other than your children today?

comedycentral · 18/02/2017 22:41

That's so rude! I would be hurt. At the minute I think I talk about my baby quite a bit, but at the moment I am still on mat leave and I spend every waking minute with him so I don't have many other stories to share. When I meet up with people or have people round they tend to bring their own stories and experiences with them so the conversation isn't all one sided.
Did they share stories etc or did they leave all the conversation to you?

Floggingmolly · 18/02/2017 22:43

Tell him to feck off home, rude bugger.

Original poster
Nicae · 18/02/2017 22:44

To be honest I didn't really talk to him much about anything - he spends a lot of the time sat on the sofa with his eyes shut! The girls were the main topic of conversation but we've been out shopping, gone for a walk, shown him and MIL our redecorating, it's not like we just sit around looking at them all day!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 22:46

Aww come on, it doesn't mean he's not interested in his grandchildren Smile

It's easy to forget when you have little ones, that people who don't, can often overdose way sooner than others.

It would have been rude if he'd said it to you though.

Batfurger · 18/02/2017 22:52

I was with a friend and her Dparents recently. Every time we got into a vaguely adult bit of conversation... the NHS, London, immigration etc, friend would remind us all how clever her DD is on the potty... not necessary and tbh, fucking annoying. I'm in the process of distancing myself from friend until she can appreciate that there are other things in the world than her DD and potty and iPad and etc etc. It's not like we hadn't all spent hours entertaining DD beforehand and cooing over her and admiring these massive achievements that she was making.

I'm with FIL I'm afraid.

Sweets101 · 18/02/2017 22:55

Well he might feel like that, he might have just been saying it to shore up SIL, you won't know from that snippet of conversation.
Either way, i'd try my very best to get over it.

Original poster
Nicae · 18/02/2017 23:02

Well I told him I thought he was rude and that I was upset by his comments but I've left it at that - no need to make everyone else suffer because I'm sulking!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:38

I can understand that you're upset, but it's also quite rude to comment on a private conversation that you happened to overhear.

MargotLovedTom1 · 18/02/2017 23:40

I think it's quite rude to make disparaging remarks when you're likely to be overheard.

MuncheysMummy · 18/02/2017 23:49

He was very rude to be honest I'd have said "well in that case you'd better be leaving hadn't you? Your no more welcome than you want to be here!"

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 18/02/2017 23:53

Did he mean it in an awful way, or was it more lighthearted? I'm forever apologizing to friends that I have nothing more interesting to talk about!

If not lighthearted, he's a major arse, especially as he's just sat there half asleep all day. Tell him he should go out tomorrow without you and amuse himself, and repeat for however long he's staying, as this is your life now and if he needs constant "adult" entertainment he's going to have to find a more appropriate place to be.

I had the same conversation with my mother. She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She starts asking what's on at the cinema/theatre, where's good to eat etc before she visits. I explain that I will be changing nappies and feeding children with the slim chance of a visit to the park depending on weather. Still she struts about sighing heavily and won't go anywhere by herself.

YANBU but also you are not alone. 🙄

38cody · 19/02/2017 00:00

But he didn't mean you to hear? If so, don't be offended - hes just at a different stage in his life. If he did intend you to hear - then hes a rude bastard and you must secretly spit in all his food then serve with a smile.

KC225 · 19/02/2017 05:52

What was his response when you told him he was rude!

Trifleorbust · 19/02/2017 05:55

Some people aren't baby people. It isn't rude to say that when you don't think you are going to be overheard by the parents of the babies in question. In the sitting room was a dick move though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2017 06:25

Well that would bring out a whole bunch of insecurities for me. If he wanted to moan, he could at least have had the decency to do it out of earshot. Good on you for confronting him. And yes, tell him to take himself out somewhere if your lifestyle doesn't suit.

Paninotogo · 19/02/2017 06:27

It was quite rude, but your day sounds painful. You went shopping and showed them your decorating? They must be bored out of their skulls.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 19/02/2017 06:29

I find babies/toddlers and endless discussions about them tedious so can sympathise with FIL. Perhaps he half meant you to hear so that you could reflect on how you and DH had been behaving and the conversational topics during the day?

toomuchtooold · 19/02/2017 06:31

Thing is, with a toddler and a baby n the house it's not like you're going to have been sitting about, banging on about nappies and parenting styles all day - it's just that your "conversation" tends to be near-constant interaction with the kids plus requests to the adults to hand you over a nappy and things like that, with an occasional attempt at adult convo about once every 10 minutes that instantly gets derailed. It's hardly as if you're choosing to talk about children and nothing else. If he doesn't get that, I wonder how little time he spent looking after his own kids when they were small?

TheStoic · 19/02/2017 06:41

They must be bored out of their skulls.

They can fuck off then, back to their adrenaline-filled action-packed lives.

Paninotogo · 19/02/2017 06:43

Maybe they don't have adrenaline filled lives, but, seriously, who wants to go shopping and talk about babies and decorating?

Original poster
Nicae · 19/02/2017 06:50

They are quite welcome to stay at home - we have 2 small children and they are in their 70s, you think perhaps we should have taken them skiing?

OP posts:
TheStoic · 19/02/2017 06:50

Not me.

But I certainly wouldn't bitch about it behind their backs. Or in front of them, as the case may be.

Ask them what they'd like to talk about, OP. It had better be scintillating.

SallyGinnamon · 19/02/2017 06:59

Sympathies. Some people are just better with little DC than others.

PIL and my DM all engaged in baby worship when my DC were little but DstepF struggled and had the usual adult conversations half ignoring them or talking to them like adults.

However once they hit 7 or 8 things began to change. They adored him and vice versa. They liked having proper discussions with him.

PalcumTowder · 19/02/2017 07:09

Shopping, decorating and small children sounds like a lovely day to me OP. He was a little rude but I'd ignore it. He knows where the door is.

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