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Original poster

Racism at primary school WWYD?

139 replies

lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 09:27

My 8 year old DS asked me this morning what the 'N' word means. He said that another boy had said it to his best friend (who is mixed race, his mum is middle eastern) when he was being mean to him in the playground. I explained that it was a nasty racist word and that I don't want to hear him using it and that it was very serious if other children use it to be mean to his friend and he should tell his teacher straight away. Initially he told me the name of the boy who had said it, but when I said I was going to come into school and mention it to one of the teachers (because they need to know this is going on, if they don't already) he quickly backed down and said, "I think it was x who said it, but I didn't see him properly". He also said that he himself (ie my DS) had repeated it afterwards. I repeated that he should never use that word and that it is not acceptable. We have just broken up for half term. I am planning to speak to the school and not mention the name of the boy DS accused at first on the basis he should be absolutely positive before getting the other child into trouble, but am thinking that, if it was him, someone needs to have a word. Also, do I tell my son's best friend's mum this has gone on? I know she would be furious, as would his dad (understandably!) and am worried that they would then have issues with our sons remaining friends. DS loves his best friend and didn't know what the word meant, but he did repeat it. WWYD?

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 19/02/2017 09:19

Misshelena. She was intimidating me, my post was after quite a lot of hers..Read the thread

Mumzypopz · 19/02/2017 09:22

Misshelena she was saying I had virtually made up the fact that I had heard about exclusions, and now we hear there are at least 430 temporary exclusions in England in any one year. I had heard about it on the news and in the papers, and she was making out I hadn't.

user1471545174 · 19/02/2017 09:29

Why ODFOD, Dawndonnaagain? Are you a particular fan of Mao or the Stasi? ODFOD is a little rude in response to a reasonable stance.

user1481838270 · 19/02/2017 09:39

Mumzypopz

You do realise we can all read your posts and see that what you are saying is untrue??

If you do care to go back and read your own posts, you will see that you categorically stated 'expelled' and not 'temporarily excluded'. What you said was untrue.

Mumzypopz · 19/02/2017 09:50

Dawndonagain. When I put I should imagine it's name calling, I meant as opposed to physical abuse etc.not minimising at all, or at least not meant to be. Isnt that what this whole thread is about. What happened to the child who called yours a P**I? Hope some action was taken?

Mumzypopz · 19/02/2017 09:56

User1481....Not at all untrue...To me expelled and excluded is pretty similar, granted those reported in England are temporary ones...But what hisstory reported was one year alone and in England. That does not mean there has never ever been one. I do not live in England. I HAVE HEARD OF A CASE WHERE SOMEONE WAS EXPELLED. I am not lying fgs...Why would I make that up . I get that it's shocking, but it is true. I don't come on here to make things up. It has already been proved that there are 450 temp exclusions in England in any one year, so it is not hard to believe there could have been one expelled in the last five to ten years that I might have heard about. Again, just because people haven't heard about it themselves, does not make it untrue.

Mumzypopz · 19/02/2017 09:57

So user 1481what I have said is not untrue at all. What you are saying is untrue.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/02/2017 10:10

Brilliant Strygil !

Notapodling · 19/02/2017 10:19

Excluded is not effectively the same as expelled. DS (6) had some issues last year with fighting and spent an afternoon 'excluded' at school which was sitting in a different classroom. For those saying, it's effectively the same it's really not. And 430 per year is not that many when taken in that context over a year for the entire country. OP, please report it. I doubt your DS will get into trouble. Teachers aren't going to suddenly come down on a child repeating a word he doesn't understand. Same with the other child. They'll talk to them first. Either way, the poor boy who was called that word needs support. You can guarantee that if the school doesn't have a class or assembly on racism, then it will keep happening. Poor thing.

Dawndonnaagain · 19/02/2017 11:29

user1471 You are being ridiculous. Your bringing up communist regimes is a logical fallacy. It is not a slippery slope from reporting racist behaviour to communist regimes. It is nipping something in the bud before it becomes out of hand, it should be reported, it should be dealt with. That way lives a civilised society, not a communist regime. Arguing that reporting one's neighbour to the Stasi, to the SS or to any other regime is puerile taking into consideration the way the society in which we currently live, is constructed.

onbroadway89 · 19/02/2017 13:21

I HAVE HEARD OF A CASE WHERE SOMEONE WAS EXPELLED. I am not lying fgs...Why would I make that up . I get that it's shocking, but it is true. I don't come on here to make things up. It has already been proved that there are 450 temp exclusions in England in any one year, so it is not hard to believe there could have been one expelled in the last five to ten years that I might have heard about. Again, just because people haven't heard about it themselves, does not make it untrue.

Mumzypopz I just wanted to say that I agree with you, and working with many children over the years I have come across children who have been permenantly excluded for the use of one racist word. In one particularly difficult case boy was seriously injured by a aggressive boy who called him a "white b*tard" as he was kicking him on the floor, but when the other boy retaliated by calling him a "black b*tard" he was excluded permanantly. This is despite the fact he was the innocent party and had a bone broken by the other child. The aggressive child was not punished as some headteachers can be nervous of being reported for racist issues by parents.

Oh and btw I am not condoning the boy shouting "b b**, but neither do I think that breaking another child's bone should be unpunished either.

user1471545174 · 19/02/2017 13:28

I disagree with you, Dawndonnaagain. It's no more of a reach than the Hitler comparisons that are regularly bandied about on MN. Only certain infractions are deemed to be report-worthy and it's just so unfair on young children who don't understand what they're saying half the time, to be dragged into an adult, political witch hunt.

Tattle-tailing is awful. Other posters suggested having a word on a general basis with the school, and I think that's absolutely the appropriate response.

user1471545174 · 19/02/2017 13:29

*tattle-taling, even.

Dawndonnaagain · 19/02/2017 13:52

User I agree that having a word at this age, with the whole school is an appropriate response. However, a 16 year old, no, it isn't, but neither is it a political witch hunt.

user1481838270 · 19/02/2017 14:06

The amount of very obvious disinformation being peddled on this thread is concerning Hmm

Flowersinyourhair · 19/02/2017 14:22

I think you need to remember that this boy said that word to one of a few mixed race children. That suggests he clearly knew what he was saying. This wasn't a word being thrown around willy nilly or it could have been said to a white child which the OP said there are lots more of.

Why was your son saying nasty words to someone who is apparently his friend OP? Even if he didn't understand the full significance of the word I'd be amazed if he didn't understand it to be a nasty word.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2017 14:27

"I've heard of children being expelled for this."

Where have you heard this?

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2017 14:29

Sorry- missed a couple of pages.

misshelena · 19/02/2017 14:30

Mumzy - I did read all of your and Chloe's posts. YOU were the aggressor. Stop. It's a discussion. Chloe absolutely had the right to challenge you to show the sources for your claims! That is NOT "having a go" at you. That is her wanting to understand where you are coming from. Right or wrong aside, please stay civil.

misshelena · 19/02/2017 14:31

See Bertrand just asked the same question. Let me go out on a limb and say that Bertrand is not "having a go" at you either mumzy.

Original poster
lusturousrabbit · 19/02/2017 15:15

See now Flowersinyourhair that's what worrying me now. Yes, he was being mean. No, he didn't know what it meant. I clearly remember getting in serious trouble at a similar age for calling a friend a twat. I had no idea what it meant and had heard it from older children. I did know it was mean and I wasn't being pleasant when I said it. I rightly got into trouble, but I wasn't excluded from school (for any period of time) and there wasn't a local authority investigation. Racism is more serious, obviously, but I don't think my son fully understood that. Although he clearly knew something was wrong enough to ask about it. What do you think would be appropriate consequences?

OP posts:
NotYoda · 19/02/2017 15:34

There's no LEA Investigation. The school does have a duty to report racist incidents and to have its own policy for dealing with them.

Please don't let fear that's being whipped up on here by people who don't seem to have a clue about Primary Schools stop you doing the right thing. I don't understand why people are so defensive about this.

If you are worried about the school's response then look at the policy documents on their website relating to safeguarding and bullying.

NotYoda · 19/02/2017 15:39

Also, sorry, look at your school's Equality policy.

Original poster
lusturousrabbit · 19/02/2017 15:55

I've had a look at the policies that are available on the school's website. The approach seems fairly reasonable tbh. I just really don't want him branded and I don't want his friendship to suffer. They've been best friends since year 1.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 19/02/2017 16:03

It's horrible when your child is less than full of the milk of human kindness, but think of the child who is at the receiving end of this.

I can't speak for all schools but I know that this is something that has arisen in mine. They are able to deal with it in away that educates as well as disciplines!

If your son's friend is being mean to other children then he needs to be stopped, for the good of the other child and for his own (schools want to understand why children are being cruel to each other, believe it or not).

Also, this is a good opportunity to talk to your son about deciding how he is going to behave, regardless of what others are doing. Children really start to confront this in KS2. Many (most) of them make mistakes along the way.

But you cannot be wishy-washy about what is and isn't acceptable to do and say.