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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Racism at primary school WWYD?

139 replies

lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 09:27

My 8 year old DS asked me this morning what the 'N' word means. He said that another boy had said it to his best friend (who is mixed race, his mum is middle eastern) when he was being mean to him in the playground. I explained that it was a nasty racist word and that I don't want to hear him using it and that it was very serious if other children use it to be mean to his friend and he should tell his teacher straight away. Initially he told me the name of the boy who had said it, but when I said I was going to come into school and mention it to one of the teachers (because they need to know this is going on, if they don't already) he quickly backed down and said, "I think it was x who said it, but I didn't see him properly". He also said that he himself (ie my DS) had repeated it afterwards. I repeated that he should never use that word and that it is not acceptable. We have just broken up for half term. I am planning to speak to the school and not mention the name of the boy DS accused at first on the basis he should be absolutely positive before getting the other child into trouble, but am thinking that, if it was him, someone needs to have a word. Also, do I tell my son's best friend's mum this has gone on? I know she would be furious, as would his dad (understandably!) and am worried that they would then have issues with our sons remaining friends. DS loves his best friend and didn't know what the word meant, but he did repeat it. WWYD?

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCatBastards · 18/02/2017 13:02

The school my children go to had a whole-school assembly about abusive language in the playground this week. It was pointed out to them all that using racist, sexist, homophobic, disablist language in any context is unacceptable, and that it would not be tolerated in school at all. They were reminded that there are laws that protect freedom, but that those freedoms come with the cost of responsibility and respect. The equalities act was very briefly outlined to reinforce this.

Send the email OP.

NiceMoustache · 18/02/2017 13:06

I think they should know what specific word was used. I would put it in writing so if my child was called in, it would look like I had done the right thing.
Shame on anyone who said leave it alone. Feckin hell.

Hisstory · 18/02/2017 13:12

angelofmylifetime. I'm curious how old was your foster child when he was excluded? It seems a harsh interpretation of the schools policy.

lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 13:14

You're frightening me now. Surely I child shouldn't be expelled for repeating a word they don't understand?! Told in no uncertain terms it isn't acceptable, yes. Expelled, and 8-year-old?! Perhaps in secondary school where it would be difficult to believe a child didn't understand... How old was your foster child Queen?

OP posts:
lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 13:15

Cross post with Hisstory

OP posts:
lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 13:18

and I meant to direct my question to angelofmylifetime, not Queen. Having a bit of a post-lunch concentration fail here... (see all bloody typos above!)

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Mumzypopz · 18/02/2017 13:22

Kewcumber and notyoda.....Google it!!! There's enough cases for you to see. The one I read about (in the telegraph actually) some years ago, was in primary school. It was on the evening news tio. Yes, people were shocked, including me. It does happen. Just because you haven't heard about doesn't make it untrue.

angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 13:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 13:34

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quencher · 18/02/2017 13:52

Long live racism!
The only difference here is my child will be on the firing line for those who don't nip such behaviour when heard.

Op, you should tell the school and probably not the parents based on what you said about them. I would have told the parents too but the consensus here seems to be only the school.
There is a child out there feeling like they don't belong. If you want to protect a child who used the language knowing that it's abuse, then go ahead.
I know I will not be very forgiving if it was my child being abused and bullied at school especially when it comes to racism.
The fact is, that child heard the word from somewhere. Your son has learnt it now too and probably a few other children who may then use it on another child. Not referring to your child but other children.

Mumzypopz · 18/02/2017 14:02

Quencher....Can you tell us what outcome you would want for the child please?

lusturousrabbit · 18/02/2017 14:47

Quencher I had every intention of reporting this incident to the school. I don't want my son exposed to that sort of behaviour and I don't want his friend (or anyone else) to be subjected to it. I sort of assumed the school would do as previous posters have suggested and talk to the kids about it collectively. But after posting on here, I am now worried that if I report it there could be serious negative consequences for my DS i.e. notes that he has been racist on his record (which he hasn't) and/or suspension or worse. Haven't done anything yet. I am not the sort of person who is usually afraid of putting their head above the parapet...but this is DS's head, not mine...

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 18/02/2017 15:12

There seems to be a suggestion on this thread that use of racist words shouldn't be reported because it will harm the offender. What about the harm to the child who is hearing the racist words? Let's not forget them.

An 8 yo is not going to be expelled for using a racist word, but he can be educated about why it's unacceptable. Let's not scare the OP with warnings that her child and the child who used the word will be expelled from school.

Chloe84 · 18/02/2017 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

noblegiraffe · 18/02/2017 15:45

If the school attempts to put notes on your DS's record that he has been racist when he hasn't then you use the complaints procedure to rectify the situation.

That would be a rather bizarre and unlikely outcome. I don't think you should avoid reporting racism in case your school's HT is bonkers.

angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 15:47

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angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 15:50

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angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 15:55

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/02/2017 15:59

He wasn't expelled (permanently excluded)? He was temporarily excluded I think you said? No child is going to be permanently excluding for saying the n word as a one off single incident.

Chloe84 · 18/02/2017 16:05

angelofmylifetime the thing is, Mumzypops said we should google it and we will lots of cases of children being expelled. And that's not true.

I wasn't referring to your foster dc (where you said he was excluded for 1 week).

angelofmylifetime · 18/02/2017 16:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumzypopz · 18/02/2017 18:03

Chloe84, I googled it and found loads.... Something wrong with your Google? Oh and by the way, I put in n word, not the full word....You actually typed it!!! Shame on you. And your phrase mulsims wanting to ban Christmas!! I would say that was worse than hung drawn and quartered!! Hung drawn and quartered is a phrase used incredibly often. It refers to someone getting a terribly bad punishment, which doesn't meet the crime. Ie too over the top.

Mumzypopz · 18/02/2017 18:05

It's a statutory penalty for men in England convicted of high treason. Don't know what people on here thinks it means.

Mumzypopz · 18/02/2017 18:08

And chloe84, I'd like to know what your agenda is too. It currently seems to be slagging of what other people say, rather than coming up with any decent suggestions yourself.

Nomoreworkathome · 18/02/2017 18:16

I would report it. The school also have an obligation to let the LEA know as incidents like this have to be logged.