Racism at primary school WWYD?

[lusturousrabbit]

My 8 year old DS asked me this morning what the 'N' word means. He said that another boy had said it to his best friend (who is mixed race, his mum is middle eastern) when he was being mean to him in the playground. I explained that it was a nasty racist word and that I don't want to hear him using it and that it was very serious if other children use it to be mean to his friend and he should tell his teacher straight away. Initially he told me the name of the boy who had said it, but when I said I was going to come into school and mention it to one of the teachers (because they need to know this is going on, if they don't already) he quickly backed down and said, "I think it was x who said it, but I didn't see him properly". He also said that he himself (ie my DS) had repeated it afterwards. I repeated that he should never use that word and that it is not acceptable. We have just broken up for half term. I am planning to speak to the school and not mention the name of the boy DS accused at first on the basis he should be absolutely positive before getting the other child into trouble, but am thinking that, if it was him, someone needs to have a word. Also, do I tell my son's best friend's mum this has gone on? I know she would be furious, as would his dad (understandably!) and am worried that they would then have issues with our sons remaining friends. DS loves his best friend and didn't know what the word meant, but he did repeat it. WWYD?

They could have heard it off the TV, or anywhere. You can't automatically think it came from the parents. Could have got it off another child.

Notyoda..Yes I did think of it before I posted duhhh. And of course I am the one who said hung drawn and quartered...What's wrong with that?

Notyoda...I don't think they do circle time at age eight?!

Even at primary age, reports of racism have to be filed and lodged with the Council, that's a specific instruction from the DfE - it has to be fully investigated. Think very wisely before you open that nest of hornets as your child also admitted using that word and he will be part of the investigation. That will be on his record.

Drivingmebonkers. Thanks for that, thought I had heard of these things being taken much much further. I think people on here thought I was being over dramatic.

I've heard of children being expelled for this.

Mumzypopz, the term 'lynch mob' is really not the best one to use about this particular thing!

I'd also bring it up to the school, OP. No need to name the boy who may or may not have said it, but if the word itself is getting passed around on the playground then the school should know.

They could have heard it off the TV, or anywhere. You can't automatically think it came from the parents. Could have got it off another child.

I'm sure the school would easily be able to find that out by asking the child where they heard it.

I think the letter suggested is good.
I'd probably go along the lines of ds said he'd heard a child X being called it. You've explained what it means as he didn't know and told him it's important he tells a teacher if he hears it again.
They should act on it by looking to deal with the whole group which us important, but doesn't land a child in it who may have used the term totally unaware how unacceptable it is.

Mumzy

They do at our school. They also do Philosophy and PHSCE. Or failing that it could be raised in an assembly

I would only report it to the school. Hopefully they would have a general talk about this type of name calling.

Tell the school. Racist incidents have to be logged and reported legally (even if the child doesn't understand what they've said - they won't necessarily get in trouble)

They'll also then keep an ear out and just generally be more alert to it. I wouldn't expect them to address if as a whole class yet as it could make an issue out of smomething that isn't yet an issue really, and then more children will start saying things that they wouldn't even have thought about before!

I can't remember when I last, if ever, heard the "n" word used on TV. Or radio for that matter. I can remember when I last heard it in real life. Total silence. Sheer shock from listeners. It's not a word that most people would dream of using.

No, the child using this vile word has almost certainly heard it at home or somewhere he visits often. So it's more than a word, it's an attitude. This makes it all the more important that the school has a year group talk about racism

Having a chat with teacher = hung, drawn, quartered and lynched now?

I would have a quiet word with the teacher, just let her/him know that your ds has reported that the N word is being used as an insult in the playground, towards a mixed race child.
Leave it at that. The school would (I hope) talk to all the kids with a reminder about appropriate language, and keep a eye on things.

Don't tell the parents, it is a school incident, let them deal with it.

As the mother of a (primary age) child who has both suffered from racism and been accused of it (go figure!) I would absolutely report it.

Who cares if her child is called into the office to acknowledge that he used the word too?! I'm pretty sure it will reinforce that he shouldn't use it again.

And saying that children have been expelled for racist language is a ridiculous hyperbole. I'd like the details of a primary aged child who (in the absence of other issues) used racist language once and was expelled. At least not one sourced from the Daily Mail because like Wikipedia I don;t consider that to be a legitimate news source.

I can;t tell you how shocked I am that there are parents of children here advocating that you should keep quiet and let it go uncommented on by the school. It's no wonder that children like mine get racist comments when there are children whose parents really don't see the problem and pretend it isn't happening, just so their little precious doesn't get told off.

God how depressing.

Kewcumber

Yes, apparently because 'I heard it happened' means 'it definitely happened'

(who does that remind me of?...)

There was an incident of racist language being used in a school where I was supply teaching (although I have an ongoing relationship with the school through other channels). Teachers addressed it on a class level, but the individual child who had used the language had parents brought in and the HT was very firm that children of that age don't really know what they're saying and will parrot what they've heard, so the blame was squarely placed at the door of adults in charge. Either the parents themselves used that language, or are leaving the child in the care of people who do without challenging it, or have allowed access to unsuitable media content. It might not have changed that family's attitude (it turned out to be the child's father who admitted to using that language) but at least someone officially pulled them up on it and told them how unacceptable it is. Ok, not the police, but at least their child's HT is a step up from a random stranger on a street.

Bottom line: the child who used the word needs help, not punishment. The parents need correction.

I'd send an short informal email. Normally, I'd just have a quick word with a teacher but this is quite serious so I'd put it in writing.

Dear School
I just wanted to let you know that DS has told told me that he has heard some racist language including the N word being used in the playground and I thought you may want to speak to the children about it. I've told DS to report it immediately if he hears again
Thanks

God yes report it to the school. There's a poor kid who is the victim of racism and people are suggesting leaving it alone?

Birdybirdywoofwoof....Please see what drivemebonkers has out further up...It has to be reported to the council, a full investigation and goes on the child's record...Possibly even expelled and then will find it difficult to get into another school. Possibly also publicly shamed because of this, because everyone in the community and all his friends will know. To me that's pretty close to being metaphorically hung drawn and quartered. Don't think it will end at just telling the teacher.

Agree with Fink, in that the child who said it needs help, not correction. However, I do think you can't simply presume he has heard it at home. I've heard it recently on a well known film about car racing, (sorry, can't remember the name) and it's also used (wrongly) in some on line games. In this day and age kids have access to the internet, so could have got it from anywhere. Young children of eight who say it, need re-educating, not expelling.

I'd let the school know what you have been told ( I have done so for less) and let them manage it...

I would just say to the school that you have heard that this word is doing the rounds - that your DS asked what it meant - they will then use that info to put a stop to it.