Racism at primary school WWYD?

[lusturousrabbit]

My 8 year old DS asked me this morning what the 'N' word means. He said that another boy had said it to his best friend (who is mixed race, his mum is middle eastern) when he was being mean to him in the playground. I explained that it was a nasty racist word and that I don't want to hear him using it and that it was very serious if other children use it to be mean to his friend and he should tell his teacher straight away. Initially he told me the name of the boy who had said it, but when I said I was going to come into school and mention it to one of the teachers (because they need to know this is going on, if they don't already) he quickly backed down and said, "I think it was x who said it, but I didn't see him properly". He also said that he himself (ie my DS) had repeated it afterwards. I repeated that he should never use that word and that it is not acceptable. We have just broken up for half term. I am planning to speak to the school and not mention the name of the boy DS accused at first on the basis he should be absolutely positive before getting the other child into trouble, but am thinking that, if it was him, someone needs to have a word. Also, do I tell my son's best friend's mum this has gone on? I know she would be furious, as would his dad (understandably!) and am worried that they would then have issues with our sons remaining friends. DS loves his best friend and didn't know what the word meant, but he did repeat it. WWYD?

Hi OP
My ds went through some racism when he was in Y3/4, he is mixed Asian race. It wasn't racist names but referring to the colour of his skin, mocking him for it. One of the other children heard and reported it to a teacher as they recognised it as racism (bless them). School rang me to make me aware, they logged an racism incident and spoke to the parents of the offending child. They also got the child to apologise to mine after explaining why what they said was wrong.
Please do report it, as PP's have said, it could encourage a whole class discussion and education as well as making teachers more aware to listen out for it in the future. I am sure school do generally to education on racism these days but a reminder would not go amiss by the sound of it.
P.s shocked that the 'n' word was used - clearly come from home but that isn't your issue.

minionsrule

That is exactly what would/has happened at our school

Chloe84, I googled it and found loads.... Something wrong with your Google?

Care to post some links? Thought not.

Oh and by the way, I put in n word, not the full word....You actually typed it!!! Shame on you.

Searching for incidents where children have been expelled for using the word doesn't make me a racist. Nor does searching it to understand the history of the word. You should try it.

Chloe

I have PMd you

Thanks minionsrule. I am going to report it, in person after half term. I trust the school and the headmaster. I am confident DS didn't do anything malicious. This needs to be nipped in the bud.

Just out of interest I've found the Gov.Uk. 2014/15 stats on the number of children from state funded primary schools who had permanent or fixed term exclusions for RACIAL ABUSE

It looks like no child was permanently excluded but that 430 children received fixed term exclusions.

Chloe84, anything else you want to complain about? Do you always go onto posts to have a go at people, or is it just tonight? And just me? Do you have anything decent to add? Do you really think that I would make up stories about seeing things on the news just for your benefit? Grow up a bit please.

Hisstory, thanks for that, lots of fixed term exclusions for racial abuse.....Haven't opened it up yet, but is that just in England?

The school do need to know about this, otherwise it continues into High School where children like my dd get this sort of racist shit. I'd like it stopped before it gets there.

Mumzy. Yes it's just for England.

So 430 in one year, wow, that's a lot.

I've no idea what they mean by 'racial abuse' though 🤔

I should imagine it's name calling.

Report it to the teacher. Leave the parents out. You've already taught ds what this word means, he is presumably regretful, so no point to further punish him by potentially creating issues between him and his friend. You are a good mom.

Should absolutely be mentioned to the headteacher, but in an informal way; maybe suggest some time just needs to be taken in school assembly to talk a little about racism and how it affects people. BUT, OP should be aware that the school may take a very hardline approach to this and have all children involved (including DS) and their parents brought into school, and their school records noted. Ignorance of what the word meant will not excuse her DS, in the eyes of some. Our primary school clamped down hard on this sort of thing, and one 6 yr old girl was spoken to very strongly by the school, together with parents, for telling an Asian pupil he smelt of curry. This comment apparently had racial undertones according to the school.

Mumzy, wow, you need to calm down. Chloe didn't "have a go" at you. She just disagreed with you and she did contribute to the discussion! Please don't try to intimidate her (or anyone else)... sheesh...really unnecessary.

It's pretty sickening to read how some people make light of racism.

I wouldn't tell the mum.

I would have a quiet word with the teacher.

That word is a horrible, racist word. But it is very likely that the child using it had no better idea of what it meant than your son did. Hopefully a quick chat from a teacher will
do the trick.

Gov.UK publication from the Dept of Education A guide to exclusions statistics (last updated July 2015). (I don't know if there is more recent guidence)

The following is the 'Descriptions of published exclusion reasons'

Racist Abuse
• Derogatory racist statements
• Racist bullying
• Racist graffiti
• Racist taunting and harassment
• Swearing that can be attributed to racist
characteristics

Oh and by the way, I put in n word, not the full word....You actually typed it!!! Shame on you.

Wait, you're saying typing / quoting the word in this context is racist!!!?? That's ridiculous!!!

It's pretty sickening to read how some people make light of racism.

It really is. I should have known better than to open this thread, really.

Really pleased OP is going to do the sensible thing and tell the school. I can't believe there are parents who would prioritise shielding their child from the (highly unlikely) suspicion of racism over, you know, the actual child who has been racially abused in the playground.

I said at the beginning I would leave it because I realised OP's DS was starting to blur the story once he realised it might go beyond mum. I would want to protect my child from consequences of telling.

A generalised word as suggested by other PP is a far better idea. NOT an email!

Another PP also said sensibly that kids pick up wrong words from popular culture. Let's face it, it's everywhere. 8 year olds can't be expected to understand post ironic reclaiming of taboo words, they just hear the word and might think repeating it makes them cool.

Another part of me deplores the culture of denunciation. There is something Maoist and Stasi-ist about it. The school needs to reinforce the message in a generalised way.

user147etcetc

I don't know what you think Primary schools are like?

There is no public denunciation, but a clear need to teach children how to relate to each other, and to protect them from abuse and bullying.

And with respect, you have no idea whether someone is aimlessly saying a word, or using it, quite deliberately, in the context of bullying. The school must investigate that.

Another part of me deplores the culture of denunciation. There is something Maoist and Stasi-ist about it.
ODFOD.