Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is suspicious...

39 replies

Blueberry55 · 16/02/2017 23:53

So a friend of a friend married their DW 18 months ago and they have a 10 month old DD. The wife works away a lot but recently when the wife was away, the husband was invited round for dinner and drinks with a female colleague (just the 2 of them). He attended, but decided not to tell his wife as she would only overreact.

Do you think he's cheating or looking for more from this female colleague? I personally do and am concerned by the route he is going down in lying to his wife but maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak.

OP posts:
Rosae · 16/02/2017 23:56

Which part of this is your business?

MadHattersWineParty · 16/02/2017 23:58

A friend of a friend eh?

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 16/02/2017 23:59

If it's a friend if a friend you don't really know what's gone on it's all hear say and gossip and I have no time for he said she said

What do you want from this thread? A bunch of strangers on the internet can't tell you if they fucked or not as we weren't a fly on the wall

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 16/02/2017 23:59

I can't be too forthcoming so I don't out myself with this one. Sorry for being cryptic but there is more to the situation that makes me indirectly involved.

OP posts:
Rosae · 17/02/2017 00:01

Ok. Well you could be right and you could not. Without proof either way what are you going to do about it. If you are non of the parties mentioned then it is still nothing to do with you.

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:02

It's more of a moral dilemma in the sense that I know he met another woman and didn't tell his wife. I think this is a big deal but appreciate that others may feel that his reasoning for lying is legitamite. I just wanted to talk it out before I decide what to do from here. Sorry, I never meant to cause a stir.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 17/02/2017 00:03

It's a friend of a friend so I struggle to see how it's any of your business, it's just something a friend told you about there friend

Why does it bother what this man tells his wife? Does it effect your life? Unless your the colleague that had the married man over is you of course?

No body apart from the 2 people in the house that night know if they shagged or not, Mumsnet can speculate but without being there nobody knows!

Man and women alone together doesn't always equal sex anyway

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:03

It's definitely not he said/she said. He definitely had dinner with a female colleague and neglected to tell his wife. That is fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:06

pinkheart i said a friend of a friend so as to not out myself here. I'm indirectly involved in this situation, I was hoping I could get advice without writing that but I'm new to mumsnet so I guess I've messed up in my original post.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/02/2017 00:08

Well it depends on what you mean by 'over react' doesn't it?

Is she generally very jealous?

A control freak?

Violent?

Being as though this is a friend of a friend, I doubt you can answer any of those questions, so it's best to stay out of it.

Rosae · 17/02/2017 00:08

So? He had dinner with a colleague. If someone came to me and told me thday my dp had dinner with a colleague while I was away I'd probably think they were weird and trying to cause trouble. And ignore them.

Fauchelevent · 17/02/2017 00:09

There's no way to tell, but "she would only overreact" sets my alarm bells a-ringing.

Rosae · 17/02/2017 00:10

You are indirectly involved so not directly involved so therefore still not your business to do anything about a situation that you don't even have full information for. The only thing you should do is stay not involved.

NarcsBegone · 17/02/2017 00:15

He's omitted the truth, I'd call it a lie but others may not. If a dh was to go to a male friends house he would probably mention it to dw. He has probably not mentioned it because he either doesn't see it as something he needs to mention and is 100% that dw wouldn't have an issue or kept it quiet because he thinks dw is going think it's dodgy or because he has some reason to feel it's in some way 'wrong' or has things going on with the woman.
If you are the woman then you also know it's dodgy etc and should cut it out, if you are the sibling or friend of either then you need to decide where your loyalties lay. If you are certain that the dw would have an issue with dh seeing woman and you are invested in either of them you have a choice to tell either the dh that you know and to come clean or tell the dw. The only other option is to butt out and leave them to it.

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:15

Rosae i don't share those sentiments. sometimes the right thing to do can be to pass on information even although you're not directly involved. Very much depends on the scenario.

I don't want to see the man involved make a big mistake, that's my biggest concern with the current situation.

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 17/02/2017 00:15

so he had dinner with you as a friend and then told you that it's best that his wife doesn't know because she's the unreasonable one.

Yeah he wants to fuck you. And he thinks as little of you as he does of his wife.

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:16

Very helpful post narcs. Thank you.

OP posts:
tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 17/02/2017 00:17

Depends on what they usually share.

Both my Dh and I regularly go out for drinks and dinner alone with colleagues of the opposite sex. We are both contractors who work away from home and often end up staying in hotels with colleagues. We would rarely if ever discuss this with each other as it is no different from popping to a canteen at lunch with a colleague etc. We don't feel the need to share our working day with each other blow by blow

I have had male and female colleagues to our house and I know that he has done the same. We may have had supper and an odd glass of wine when they are here.

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:18

I'm not the woman involved. I'm happily married with 3 children and couldn't think of anything worse than being someone's bit on the side.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:19

He has said he didn't tell her because she'd jump to conclusions and that's what made me concerned.

OP posts:
mellowfartfulness · 17/02/2017 00:20

Honestly can't tell. One of them is behaving oddly, but it could be him - cheating or gearing up to it - or it could be her - overly jealous, controlling, not allowing him to have female friends. There's not really any way of knowing on just this info, sorry!

Original poster
Blueberry55 · 17/02/2017 00:21

Thank you mellow. Sorry for the annoying post. I'm realising that in the limited info I can give, it may be tricky to find answers on here. I appreciate the feedback though.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/02/2017 00:22

He has probably not mentioned it because he either doesn't see it as something he needs to mention and is 100% that dw wouldn't have an issue or kept it quiet because he thinks dw is going think it's dodgy or because he has some reason to feel it's in some way 'wrong' or has things going on with the woman.

Or because as the OP stated, she would probably over react.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 17/02/2017 00:23

Did you see this women go to his house with your own eyes?

Did you hear it from him or the women in question that the wife doesn't know?

If the women is a good friend of yours surely as a friend if sex was involved she probably would of said so when telling you about it?

Why are you so concerned about him making a big mistake? Unless his family or a very good friend I really don't see what you can do.

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2017 00:24

I'm realising that in the limited info I can give, it may be tricky to find answers on here

It's going to be completely impossible to find answers on here. Surely you can see that Confused