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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Working hours dilema

35 replies

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 22:52

I'm a working mum if two dc, ages 5 & 3. I currently work 3 days, but have been asked if I can increase to 4. I am totally torn up with what to do. I hate saying no, and can see that the extra money would be good, however the guilt in leaving them an extra day to nursery/wrap round care is playing on my mind. WWYD?

OP posts:

Bettyspants · 15/02/2017 23:00

I'm a working mum with my two youngest a couple years older than yours. I went from two years as a stahm to full time (plus!!) with uni for a PhD on top. It's bloody hard. I have awful guilt towards my children, I'm doing it so I'll be on much more money and therefore able to drop my hours in five years, plus there's job satisfaction. However, if we had of been financially comfortable (at the time I went ft DH was between jobs and I lept at the position)with no extra future prospects I wouldn't have agreed to more hours (assuming I was pt!!) whilst children were so small.

Bettyspants · 15/02/2017 23:01

Sorry that's as clear as mud isn't it!

Bettyspants · 15/02/2017 23:02

Basically if your comfortable as you are if I was in your position I would wait.

Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 23:06

Reasonably, as in we can't afford anything flashy, but then again we are clothed, housed & fed. Wish they hadn't asked as I wouldn't have this silly conflict argument going on in my head

OP posts:

Astro55 · 15/02/2017 23:06

Can you offer to go the extra day during busy times?

Or defer until both are in school?

What's your gut reaction?

MooMooTheFirst · 15/02/2017 23:08

Ahhh don't do it if you're torn. My maternity leave is about to end tomorrow and I have one 9 month old DS. im desperately trying to think of ways/find a new job with fewer hours.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/02/2017 23:11

Surely the extra day in nursery would eat into any extra earnings anyway? I know that's sometimes worth doing if affordable and in order to keep your earning/promotion potential but would the 4 day option still be available to you a bit further down the line if you said no now?

To be honest if I had the option I'd stick with 3 days for a year or two. Having the extra flexibility that 2 non work days gives you as they start primary could be very useful.

Whathaveilost · 15/02/2017 23:13

I would do it ( and did)
I seriously didn't feel guilty once I did the initial step and went back to work. The weekend before I did have a wobble.
However the kids loved being with their friends, I loved doing the pick up and hearing about their day and in all honesty money does help.
I was able to start having decent savings so I wasn't living on the edge all the time.
After a few weeks you will have your own routine.

Maybe ask for a temporary period to see how it shapes for you before committing permanently?

cloudjumper · 15/02/2017 23:15

Could your OH go part-time? If you both do 4 days/week?

Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 23:15

My gut says no tbh, but my dh thinks I should. A little bit of my (possibly unreasonably) thinks he doesn't get that me being at home on the extra day is actually good for the family as a whole in terms of childcare, actual cleaning and cooking and general errand running. Think as hes full time my part time must seem like a doddle

OP posts:

greenworm · 15/02/2017 23:18

Do you enjoy your job? Guilt issues aside, do you prefer the SAHM days or the work days?

Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 23:18

Money is good, shame its not a lottery win! The offer is only there short term and will be taken off the table soon, so have to make a decision

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Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 23:20

Tbf my job is quite creative, so I am lucky in that sense. Just wish the shitty guilt fairy would do one!

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CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/02/2017 23:20

Well then I think you need to discuss the practicalities with DH. Is he prepared to take more responsibility in the house, do more pick ups/drop offs? With you working closer to full time, if children are sick and can't go to nursery or school does he realise this may impact on him more than it does currently?

Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 15/02/2017 23:23

He did say he would raise whether he could potentially do an extra pick up in the week with his boss. That would be good as doing both the drop offs and pick ups in time is a mare with work wedged inbetween

OP posts:

ChocolateSherberts2017 · 15/02/2017 23:36

The thing to consider is whether the extra days pay will offset the extra day childcare needed and leave you with extra. For me, four days a week left me out of pocket so wasn't worth it in the end. Your youngest will be in school in a year so it might be worth revisiting then.

MrsBobDylan · 15/02/2017 23:48

You don't sound like you want to do an extra day. Please don't end up agreeing to this because you feel guilty. It is perfectly valid to want to work 3 days not four. The only reason to do an extra day is if your family is struggling to meet core bills or if you want to.

tabithakitty · 15/02/2017 23:52

I was talking to somebody about this yesterday! I wouldn't tbh. Unless the money makes a huge difference. I work 3.5 days a week, she works ft, one did age 3, plus lots of animals. My employer would love me to go ft, and the job isn't that well suited to or, but I don't want to. She will go to school in no time and I want to make the most of my time with her. Chances are, they will still want me ft in two years!

tabithakitty · 15/02/2017 23:53

DH works ft!

BabychamSocialist · 16/02/2017 00:51

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. To me, it doesn't sound like you want to really. Don't feel guilted into doing anything!

Want2bSupermum · 16/02/2017 00:58

Have you considered doing 4 days condensed into 3 days? That way you get the full benefit of working the extra hours without increasing your childcare costs.

If your regular workweek is 40 hours it would be two 11 hour days and one 10 hour day. If you can get in early (DH doing the morning work and dropping off the kids) it could work well for you as you would be finishing at about your regular time. I love it when I can get in for 6.30am. I get so much more done between 6:30am and 9:30am which is when meetings tend to start.

WellyMummy · 16/02/2017 01:07

Could you negotiate on the fourth day? Shorter hours so no wrap around school care needed, sometime working from home or term time only?

Want2bSupermum · 16/02/2017 01:10

Also, if you are on a PT schedule ALWAYS have Monday and Friday as work days so if its a holiday you get the day off. When PT I always worked M/W/F with the premise that if I needed to work an extra day it was easier for me to find childcare on a Tuesday or Thursday than Monday or Friday.

Bettyspants · 18/02/2017 09:27

Hi op just wondering if you've come to any decision?

Original poster

Princesstwilightsparkle · 18/02/2017 09:58

Hi Betty, I think I'm going to do it. Can't honestly say I want to, but going to ask if I can trial it. I'm forever watching my bank balance so I can see that benefit. I'm going to see if theres any flexibility with working from home. Just hoping its the correct decision 😣

OP posts:

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