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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say DH is a twat and has ruined my birthday.

121 replies

furrypets · 15/02/2017 18:43

It was my birthday yesterday. The intention was we were going in town and i was going to choose something for him to get me. Before town we drove to a local beauty spot so we could walk the dog first.

i don't normally like my photo took but i thought with it being my birthday i'll give him my phone and ask him to take my picture. Just a normal everyday thing that people do right? No, he had a huge moan because he had the dog on a lead in one hand and in the other a filled dog poo bag.Wouldnt a normal person just put down the poo bag and take the picture? No not him, he made a big show of not managing to take the pic, blaming it on the "stupid phone".

I told him it's the easiest phone in the world, just press the big circle at the bottom. Nope, couldn't do it, threw my phone down in the wet grass and stormed off like a big spoiled kid.

So that was my birthday, no present (not bothered) but we're still not speaking, apart from him telling me it's my fault for asking him to take my picture.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 15/02/2017 21:01

"Must be so lovely to have such a perfect man who has not a single flaw smile"
"My man" (ugh) has flaws. But he is an adult human being. So his flaws do not include behaving like a sulky 6 year old. But hey, women have been enabling men's bad behaviour since time immemorial.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 15/02/2017 21:26

He sounds like a selfish twat.

ShaniaTwang · 15/02/2017 23:48

Obviously his behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Obviously you aren't to blame.

NavyandWhite · 15/02/2017 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LesisMiserable · 15/02/2017 23:59

I can't believe the roasting this guy is getting Grin

BabychamSocialist · 16/02/2017 00:41

Yes, he's a twat. Flowers

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/02/2017 01:37

Is princessy the MN insult of the week or something?ConfusedAngry

LittleLionMansMummy · 16/02/2017 02:25

The fact that he's still sulking is the overriding factor here. People are capable of doing daft or thoughtless things on other people's birthdays but to still be sulking about an essentially trivial matter seems like a massively twattish overreaction.

Toadinthehole · 16/02/2017 03:20

What's the back story OP?

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/02/2017 03:25

YANBU OP.

Italiangreyhound · 16/02/2017 03:27

furrypets what a lovely day to have a birthday. Smile

"Nope, couldn't do it, threw my phone down in the wet grass and stormed off like a big spoiled kid."

How horrible on your special day!

"So that was my birthday, no present (not bothered)" what possible excuse does he have for not getting you a present?

"but we're still not speaking, apart from him telling me it's my fault for asking him to take my picture."

He really does sound like a charmer!

Whocansay she should have waited? WTF. Maybe they were at a rather lovely spot on the path, a good spot for a picture. Should she have waited until they were back by a dog poo bin!

booklooker " really rude comments about the OP. A bit princessy"? What is a bit princessy about having your photo taken on your birthday?

diddl who has their photo taken holding a bag of dog poo!

furrypets you don't need to explain why you wanted your photo taken, it's obvious. He is a twat, your dh, sorry!

SoupDragon But it was not six to one and half a dozen to the other because it was the OP's birthday!

And if a man has to hand a bag of dog poo to his wife for her to put it down for him, there is something wrong there!

littlemissangrypants glad you are free now. midlifehope I hope you get rid of him, if you want to, he sounds awful.

Klaphat · 16/02/2017 04:47

No I don't think he is a twat. He picked the dog poo up for a start.

Huh? Why shouldn't he? Why does doing so mean he can't be a twat? Did the OP squat on the grass and do the shit herself?

butterfly990 · 16/02/2017 08:06

You asked him to multi-task that was your first mistake ;)

TiredMumToTwo · 16/02/2017 08:11

My ex-husband was a sulker, spent too many years pandering to him, finally figured out best to ignore him until he started behaving normally - great practice for kids!!

onceandneveragain · 16/02/2017 08:18

Ffs STOP enabling him to have a lovely birthday then if he never does anything for yours! And make plans yourself for next year that don't include him. Yes he's your husband and in an ideal world should take action to help you have a nice day but If he doesn't you don't just have to mope and put up with it!

Stropping at the time is childish, but ultimately forgivable - everyone can have an off moment or something that irritates them out of proportion - but it's the sulking and not speaking all day, plus not doing anything for your bday that tips this into cruel and selfish, and I'm not sure why some posters are trying so hard to say you are as a bad as each other. I can't see that you did anything wrong and even if you did his reaction is so out of proportion it's ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 16/02/2017 09:14

"I'm not sure why some posters are trying so hard to say you are as a bad as each other"

I am. It's because the bar of acceptable behaviour is set much lower for men. And, sadly, some women collude with this.

Original poster
furrypets · 16/02/2017 09:52

That ruined your birthday? Jesus wept
I'd have just said to DH "stop being a nob and put the bag down " and that would be the end of it.
Yes that should have been the end of it and i'd have loved if it could have ended that way, but me saying "put the bag down" or words similar didn't defuse it, (as it never does). I could easily have gone on to have a nice birthday if he hadn't flung the phone down and stormed off and then didn't speak for the rest of the day. It was that that ruined my birthday.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 16/02/2017 09:53

My X used to pull this sort of stunt -huffing and puffing and grumping on my birthday,moaning about getting me a gift/card/doing anything nice. It became that I used to dread my birthday, I was made to feel like I was selfish for having one.

And I concluded it was just annoyance and jealousy that there was one day of the year when he wasn't the centre of attention. Despite the fact that for his birthday he got presents, a home made cake, cards etc.
And- yes I enabled it - but in a way I'm glad I didn't change the person I am (someone who tries to make birthdays nice for others)because of his behaviour.

You weren't being in the least unreasonable - all those suggesting you should have held a bag of dog poo so he could 'manage' to take a photo - what nonsense. I don't own any kind of fancy mobile (ie one that takes photos !) yet I can easily take a photo of friends when they ask with theirs - even if I am carrying bags of shopping or whatever. I just point it and press a button. It's hardly rocket science.

He was being a git and achieved exactly what he wanted to - caused a quarrel which enabled him to get out of celebrating your birthday.
If you stay with him, next birthday arrange your own nice day, with friends or even on your own, just do what you want and don;t include him at all. (In fact it's not too late to make this weekend your birthday weekend where you treat yourself to something nice) Flowers

Original poster
furrypets · 16/02/2017 10:52

Thanks Kurri, it really wouldn't have been a problem to take the pic, he made it into one. We all often carry things with us when we're out and like you say it's not rocket science to take a pic. I just drop things to the ground and do it same as most people do. It shouldn't be a big deal.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 16/02/2017 12:11

I do wish some women would stop holding some other women accountable for some men's crap behaviour!

Oldraver · 16/02/2017 12:34

Is he still sulking ?

BertrandRussell · 16/02/2017 12:36

So do I. I also wish some women would stop enabling some men's crap behaviour.

Peanutandphoenix · 16/02/2017 12:42

He's acting like an overgrown child and a twat.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2017 16:27

It's the race to the bloody bottom again. My DH is incapable of making a cup of tea. And if you say that yours is a perfectly capable, nice, empathetic person; you're smug.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2017 16:36

Very bizzare behaviour, common sense says uou put the bag down and either uou hold the dog or he hooks the lead round his foot. The fact this has escalated into a huge argument that causes uou still not to be talking to each other 24 hours later would indicate your relationship has some major problems. For me that's the issue. When you fall out this much over something so petty and simple it's game over.

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