To say DH is a twat and has ruined my birthday.

[furrypets]

It was my birthday yesterday. The intention was we were going in town and i was going to choose something for him to get me. Before town we drove to a local beauty spot so we could walk the dog first.

i don't normally like my photo took but i thought with it being my birthday i'll give him my phone and ask him to take my picture. Just a normal everyday thing that people do right? No, he had a huge moan because he had the dog on a lead in one hand and in the other a filled dog poo bag.Wouldnt a normal person just put down the poo bag and take the picture? No not him, he made a big show of not managing to take the pic, blaming it on the "stupid phone".

I told him it's the easiest phone in the world, just press the big circle at the bottom. Nope, couldn't do it, threw my phone down in the wet grass and stormed off like a big spoiled kid.

So that was my birthday, no present (not bothered) but we're still not speaking, apart from him telling me it's my fault for asking him to take my picture.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

furrypets married 35 years so 1982, I'm assuming you're ballpark my age (mid-fifties). I have old schoolfriends who would have been married 35 years around now, except that they had had enough at the 25 -year mark. Pretty much coinciding with their children finishing university, or reaching a secure point in their jobs relationships etc. What a coincidence.

You've described him as having form for being a twat, having a short fuse and being irritable. And you acknowledge that you've "let him get away with far too much shitty behaviour in the past, mainly for a peaceful life."

You are in a strong position. You need no longer worry about the impact any decision you make might have on your children. (Although they may have had some impact from your decision to not challenge his behaviour earlier.) Presuming he is mid-fifties too, it is still possible for him to stop being a twat. Indeed he could be older and it would still be possible. You just need to decide whether he is still worth your attention.

This is not a call to LTB. But it is a suggestion that living this life as it currently is, is not the best idea. I think it's time (well past time, really) to pull him up short and tell him that things are a-changin' round these parts, and he either gets his act together or there will be consequences. You've put up with this shit for too long, and life could be a whole lot better than this.

[BertrandRussell]

I can cope with being called smug. It's being called anti feminist that really pisses me off!

[eddielizzard]

that's just hurtful. that he couldn't just suck it up to make sure you had a good day. it's one day in the whole year.

i'm sorry you've put up with 35 years of this. what are you going to do so that you don't put up with 35 more?

[furrypets]

Yes dame but all grown up now.

[DameDeDoubtance]

He sounds like an ass with anger issues, do you have kids together?

[BertrandRussell]

"It's the race to the bloody bottom again. My DH is incapable of making a cup of tea. And if you say that yours is a perfectly capable, nice, empathetic person; you're smug. "
I don't mind being called smug. It's when I get called anti feminist I get pissed off......

[Sunnysky2016]

Happy belated Birthday

[Astro55]

DH spoilt my birthday in a similar fashion - he was most disappointed not to receive a card cake or birthday tea - kids favorite! For his birthday - certainly bucked his ideas up since -

[mummymeister]

spot on from anyfucker. you are enabling him to carry on behaving like a twat. will he ever stop? no. can this change? yes, but only you can make the change happen.

[AnyFucker]

Doing what you are doing, you will always get what you are getting

You only live this one life. It's too fleeting to shortchange yourself by putting up with crap like this.

[AnyFucker]

Furry, you can moan about this bloke as much as you like

Plot little acts of revenge. Get validation here. Do tit for tat on his birthday. Etc.

But the fact remains, if you carry doing w

[furrypets]

Oh i can't wait for his birthday, i'm going to have to keep reminding myself about how crap mine was. I'm not even going to be in on the day.

[Cupcakey]

Ahhhh that's awful! Happy Birthday to you!!! Sorry but he sounds like a man child!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

He's very determined that nothing can ever be his fault, isn't he? No, it's the phone. The poo-bag. The gloves. No you twat, it's YOU!

35 years. 35 years of this?

"Probably my own fault all this, i've let him get away with far too much shitty behaviour in the past, mainly for a peaceful life. When it's his birthday i always make sure it's a good day for him."
Well, has letting him away with it given you a peaceful life? No it has not - it has just deepened his belief that his behaviour is just tickety-boo.

Don't you dare give him the birthday he wouldn't give you, or I will come round and slap you myself! Obviously not really, but OP - if you don't want this crappy behaviour in your life, you're going to have to change your own behaviour. Tell him you will not accept this crap any more, and call him on it every time he starts. Letting him get away with it has not worked. You need a different approach.

[furrypets]

I was out walking the dog on my own today, waited till he'd pood. Carried on walking, then decided to see how difficult it must have been for poor dh to take a snap. Pulled phone out of pocket, dropped lead and dog poo bag to the ground, stood on lead just in case, pulled off glove and took a pic. It took less than 10seconds. Amazing.

[Schwifty]

Fuck me furrypets, you didn't say you'd superglued his gloves onto his hands! Well that changes everything

[6demandingchildren]

If you are not working at the weekend, book yourself into a beauty parlour for some pampering, meet up with a friend for a bit of lunch and wine them maybe a movie.
Happy belated birthday xx

[furrypets]

Here's an update on sulking dh. This morning he offered me a brew, i accepted. He was trying to be nice and i was nice ish back, polite but a bit cool. After all we'd gone all that time with not speaking. Unfortunately we ended up having another "bit" of a row because he said my phone caused all the trouble. I told him it wasn't the phone, it was the way he handled the situation. He then told me it was nothing to do with the dog or dog poo bag, it was the fact that he had thick gloves on and therefore was unable to press the bloody thing.

[Bluntness100]

Very bizzare behaviour, common sense says uou put the bag down and either uou hold the dog or he hooks the lead round his foot. The fact this has escalated into a huge argument that causes uou still not to be talking to each other 24 hours later would indicate your relationship has some major problems. For me that's the issue. When you fall out this much over something so petty and simple it's game over.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It's the race to the bloody bottom again. My DH is incapable of making a cup of tea. And if you say that yours is a perfectly capable, nice, empathetic person; you're smug.

[Peanutandphoenix]

He's acting like an overgrown child and a twat.

[BertrandRussell]

So do I. I also wish some women would stop enabling some men's crap behaviour.