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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Fucking hate periods and contraception and my GP and all this womanly bullshit.

95 replies

ToastyFingers · 15/02/2017 14:45

I am 2 weeks in to my period (yes, 2 Fucking weeks of bleeding) and it shows no sign of stopping.

I've been down this road before and I'm fairly confident that it's due to my contraceptive pill.

Trouble is, I've tried pretty much every contraceptive available and none of them work!

I've got pregnant twice using microgynon,
The injection and the patches made me bleed constantly,
Had a Mirena coil which caused me lots of pain, and other sexual issues,
I have some sensory issues and HATE condoms. Honestly, the feel and smell of them makes my skin crawl.
I don't like the idea of rhythm method as I had hypermesis in my last pregnancy so I know I couldn't cope with a surprise pregnancy.

I need a GP appointment, to at least get some advice spiralling this nonsense, but our surgery is the sort where you phone on the day and despite phoning for 3 days, there haven't been any left.

So, wibu to whip out my entire reproductive system and I dunno, just throw it out the window?

OP posts:
scaevola · 15/02/2017 19:45

For men who are willing to run the risk, it is a brilliant solution for 90% of them.

But it is his body his choice and being disinclined to take the risks is a perfectly reasonable stance.

Because PVPS is life-changing, and largely untreatable.

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2017 19:57

The OP is the one not wanting to use condoms, that's her choice but not ok to insist her partner is sterilized because of it!

OP what about diaphragm plus spermicide?

maggiethemagpie · 15/02/2017 20:33

I had essure on the NHS and it was absolutely fine, apart from getting a low blood pressure when they put it in and having loads of medics panic over me for five minutes.

My tubes are blocked now and I haven't had any pain or side effects... although there is some anecdotal evidence that some women have.

ItsThatBeverleyMacca · 15/02/2017 21:01

Same Manijo - DC2 due is in April and DH will be having it done some time after the birth - he offered and if he wants to have it done that's great for both of us. After 3 pregnancies (including one mc), which have so far involved morning sickness, horrendous nausea, severe pre-eclampsia, ridiculously painful piles, and an episiotomy), and 2.5 (so far) years of breastfeeding he did not want me to have to have anything hormonal inserted or injected into my body which could potentially cause me any more pain, bleeding or discomfort.

Original poster
ToastyFingers · 15/02/2017 22:09

Hi everyone, had to pop out, but I'm back now.

Thanks for all the advice, and much sympathy to anyone else in contraceptive hell.

I was told the implant is the same sort of dose as the injection, so probably wouldn't work for me, but that was years ago, so I'll ask again and see if anything has changed.

Diaphragm and spermicide seem to be a strong contender at the moment, and I'll definitely look into all the various natural methods.

Thanks for all the help!

OP posts:
Sallygoroundthemoon · 15/02/2017 22:15

I definitely recommend the cap/diaphragm. No side effects, no hormones, no condoms and you can have it in for hours before and after. Bloody brilliant. I have just started using it and have no idea why it's so unfashionable.

Offyougo · 15/02/2017 22:21

Copper coil, didn't have any side effects, no hormones and works for 10 years.

cantthinkofabloodyname · 15/02/2017 23:00

As you are having (heavy?) periods that last for two weeks, you could ask your gp about having endometrial ablation, which basically cauterises the uterus lining. So you would have little to no bleeding from then on.
I find it really frustrating when you are accepting that you do not want any more children but they won't sterilise you due to your age.

christinarossetti · 15/02/2017 23:08

The diaphragm has become less widely used as it's got a higher failure rate than alternative methods of contraception.

I couldn't find a FPC that would fit one a couple of years ago, nor my GP surgery.

ClopySow · 16/02/2017 07:47

I suspect the diaphragm has gone out of fashion because it doesn't make enough money.

I used it succesfully for 10 years. 100% safe for me.

christinarossetti · 16/02/2017 08:42

Correct use of the diaphragm is about 94% effective overall. The actual effectiveness is 88% as it's so easy to not use correctly.

Many GPs and FPCs don't consider this effective enough to recommend it as a contraceptive.

Shame, as it was definitely the best contraceptive for me in terms of ease of use.

Patchouli666 · 16/02/2017 09:53

Do you foresee having anymore children? If not, a permanent method of birth control is the gold standard for you as a couple now. I can't tolerate hormonal bc, even mirena as I have pmdd and I get irritable and irrational ( to understate wildly!). My hubby had a vasectomy despite all the horror stories. It is great. I would have happily had my tubes tied instead but due to four caesarians, GP wouldn't refer me for non essential surgery as I would have been an extremely complicated case due to adhesions etc and it would have been a complicated op. So my needle phone, never had a tooth out or filling or been in hospital went for the V! Bit tender and sore for a few days and one of his testicles felt a bit odd for a bit longer but no probs now
The bad stories are defo out there but, like all things in life, the unhappy are far more likely to leave a bad review, complain etc. The ones it worked well for or are happy with what they've got/ bought etc are underrepresented review / feedback wise. If all the men who are living and shagging happily on, post V were to write responses or reviews on NHS sites etc then I doubt men and their partners would feel so scared.

Patchouli666 · 16/02/2017 09:54

Needle phobe not phone!

brasty · 16/02/2017 09:56

There can be complications after a woman gets sterilised too. I know women who have lost ability to orgasm, or developed continence problems afterwards.
I would be insisting in your shoes, that if DP wants sex, he has a vasectomy. You are suffering lots, and being expected to just put up with that.

Patchouli666 · 16/02/2017 10:04

Just had another thought, copper coil. See a pp has mentioned it above. I had one and loved it. No hormones. Once bleeding sorted itself out it was great. You can even take a mini pill with it to reduce the bleeding etc. But the pre really is no need

Rixera · 16/02/2017 10:15

I'm in the same position, day 17 of bleeding but I have the implant. OH also has super sperm, hence DD...
Has GP referred you for a scan down below? It's a long waiting list here but there are lots of things that can cause the bleeding beyond hormones. GP also prescribed a combination of things to treat the cramps and stop the bleeding but won't consider anything permanent due to my age also. Been taking iron supplements religiously...
Very frustrating.

Deux · 16/02/2017 10:16

Poor you. I never got on with hormonal contraception, mainly because it eradicated my libido completely.

Others have mentioned natural methods and I used that successfully for years but in our case used condoms for the fertile times so you could maybe use a diaphragm instead.

Take Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler is a good place to start. There are lots of online resources and apps now that help you track the signs (temperature, cervical mucous).

I found it really empowering actually and wished I knew more about it earlier in my life.

Clearly you have to follow the 'rules' or you'll end up pregnant. Compliance is key. I do hope you get it sorted out.

Man10 · 16/02/2017 10:33

I wonder if there is a therapy option that would overcome the condom phobia?

Man10 · 16/02/2017 10:35

Overcoming the condom phobia seems a more reasonable option than a surgery with a 10% chance of life-long pain. (Actually I'm not sure I believe that statistic, I think the operation would no longer be done if the risk were really that bad?)

StandAndBeCounted · 16/02/2017 10:55

Hi OP,

I was in a very similar position to you a few months ago. I had tried every contraception under the sun and nothing worked for me. Either fell pregnant or had horrible side effects. My DH wasn't keen on vasectomy either and after reading about the possible risks/consequences neither was I.

I now have 4 children (which I'm very grateful for) but I asked to be referred for sterilization after DC3 and was refused (well actually lied to, but that's another story) by the GP. I was 31.

When I fell pregnant with DC4 just 5 months later I saw the consultant at the hospital regarding a termination. Ultimately I decided I couldn't go through with it, but I told her what the GP had said to me re: sterilization and she was horrified and wrote a letter to them to tell them so and to say that I absolutely was to be referred for sterilzation following this pregnancy.

After DC4 I went back to the GP and they STILL tried to put me off, yes I was then only 32, but 4 children and 1 marriage later I reckon I knew I was ready to stop!! By this point I'd had enough, I stated my case in no uncertain terms, referred them to the letter from the consultant and insisted they refer me immediately.

Sometimes you just need to get tough with GP's. They are often too concerned with their budgets and not enough with patient care (not all GP's obviously). I think if you went to them and laid it on the line and stated all the problems you have with contraception, your DH's concerns about vasectomy, your trauma with hypermyesis and that you know you absolutely physically and psychologically could not cope with another pregnancy - they'd have to at least refer you for a consultation. And you might find a consultant far more knowledgable than the GP as I did.

I had my sterilization in November. And F.Y.I. I was offered Essure on the NHS and told they've been offering that procedure for about 5 years now. I went for that first as it's non-surgical, but it didn't work! My tubes started spasming and rejected the stents (clearly my body just wants to be pregnant all the time forever). So as the procedure didn't work I was offered the surgery.

It's keyhole. I was in and out in a day and the anastethic was the best sleep I've had for ages Wink.

Leading up to and following my surgery I had a lot of helpful individuals sending me all kinds of links to horror stories about people suffering terrible periods forevermore following their sterilization. I went for it anyway as I felt I was out of options.

That's not been my experience at all. My periods have been LOADS better since my op. No pain, nowhere near as heavy and shorter.

Good luck. Hope you get sorted. It's a bloody faff!

Tenshidarkangel · 16/02/2017 11:17

You sound like me, OP!
Agree with Copper coil suggestions. No hormone in it which is fabulous.
I had 6 months of spotting then regular with few issues.
Just switched over to Mirena and am regretting it. Giving it 6 months to see if it settles but I'm massively tempted to go back and switch back.

AndNowItsSeven · 16/02/2017 11:22

You could use spermicide it's not effective enough on its own but would give extra protection with the pill. I think it's 65% on its own.

AndNowItsSeven · 16/02/2017 11:23

Sorry not 65% that would be awful it's 70-80% on its own so doubled with the pill would greatly increase your chance of not conceiving.

Thinkingofausername1 · 16/02/2017 11:26

With you op. I feel like going and shouting at my gp because she promised it is good for heavy bleeding and wtf I have to wear night time pads in the day and been taking paracetamol 3 times a day; for cramps. Sad

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 16/02/2017 11:38

I was just reading this and wondering why noone seems to mention diaphrams anymore, and then I see a couple of you rave about them.
Doctors have never ever mentioned them to me. I guess the effectiveness may be lower than the pill (although tbh I was crap at remembering to take the pill) but surely if used alongside condoms during the ovulation phase (or abstinence during those few days) they must be pretty foolproof, and non-hormonal, which is awesome!

Hope you find a solution OP. I actually lolled at "fuck you uterus!"