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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that if exH has been our all night drinking that he cleary can't care for DD?

33 replies

ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 08:53

I'm sure I'm not, but im being told I am.

ExH got in from a night drinking with workmates after his shift at 6.25. I know because he has been sending me incoherent texts since then and before that phone was off so am assuming that's when he got to a charger. Texts literally make no sense, so judging by them he is still pissed.

Have taken a days leave and told him I will care for her. Judging by misspelt swear words on text he is not happy about this.

I am livid.

AIBU? He will probably turn up later this morning. Want to be certain im not being.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 08:53

Apologies for typo in title *clearly

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 08:54

DD is 5 (half term here)

OP posts:
ScrumpyBetty · 14/02/2017 08:54

YANBU. What time did he get home last night?

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 08:56

What are the arrangements between you usually? Was this his contact day? What time was he meant to have her?

drspouse · 14/02/2017 08:58

Is he supposed to be driving?

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 14/02/2017 08:58

YANBU

I've been probably still over the limit the next day after a few drinks the night before and looked after DD but I wouldn't stagger in at 6am on a weekday after drinking all night and think it was a good idea to be the primary carer for the day. That's what the weekends are for.

Hope you and DD have a lovely day together.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 09:02

Hold on though, has he been drinking all night? What time did his shift finish and what time is he meant to have her?

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/02/2017 09:03

Yanbu

Of course people will pile on very shortly to tell you he has every right to parent as he pleases even if that means he's still pissed from the night before or hungover so badly he may as well not he there.

But if you can't go out have a few drinks and still stay sober enough to function the next day then you need to grow up.

People can't help being ill or disabled or whatever which means they have days where they are laid up of vomiting or struggle to get out of bed.

People can however help going out getting pissed and assuming without asking that someone else will take on the responsiby were meant to have.

Pathetic

Soubriquet · 14/02/2017 09:09

Yanbu

Especially if he's driving

How irresponsible

I've had a few drinks when I've had to care for my children the next day but whilst I might have a slight hangover, I've not been that pissed that I can't care for them. Something your ex obviously isn't capable of doing

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 09:11

hungover so badly he may as well not he there.

My issue isn't with people thinking it's not great to be hungover and in charge of a child. It's probably not great. But it doesn't render you incapable of caring for them unless it is very, very severe and you can't rise from your bed. Being drunk the night before will make you hungover but you will be perfectly fit to operate a kettle, microwave, oven, TV, go shopping, walk the dog, use a laptop or phone. What aspect of parenting is so hard that it would be impeded by a normal hangover?

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 09:12

Sorry, his shift finis he'd at 10pm. He got in around 6.30am. Today is his day. We split holidays and he was supposed to have her from 9 today until 9 tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 09:13

Okay trifle, fair point.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 14/02/2017 09:14

Getting in drunk at 6.25 isn't hung over at 9 it's still drunk unless he's been sleeping on a friends couch for hours.

WowserBowser · 14/02/2017 09:15

He won't even have a chance to sleep it off! Craziness.

No YANBU.

WowserBowser · 14/02/2017 09:16

Yy, that's not a hangover- it's still drunk.

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 14/02/2017 09:17

Okay. Thank you. Its a good job I booked a day off (my boss is amazing) as he hasn't turned up yet

OP posts:
Inadays · 14/02/2017 09:18

You've done totally the right thing in taking the day off. He has been totally irresponsible and I would be seriously questioning his ability to look after your dd in future. Difficult situation for you OP, but stick to your guns on this one. What a selfish thing to do. Flowers

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/02/2017 09:18

Yy rj

He is still gonna be drunk.
He could have gone out and come home earlier or had less. His "fun" means more to him.than the child does. And he presumably has plenty of child free time to get as drunk as he likes.

MadJeffBarn · 14/02/2017 09:23

My dh did this to me a few times. Went out for a 'couple', came back absolutely trashed an hour before I'm meant to leave. Have had to ring his mum at 5am to ask her to pick the kids up for 7 (luckily she's amazing) and my dh has said how unreasonable I've been. But I don't look after my kids drunk, so why would I let him? I don't care if he's the other parent and he should be allowed to parent as he wishes, it's irresponsible. And I would expect him to take precautions if I were that bloody stupid too. After the third time I've told him he's not allowed to go out on the weekends I work because it's not fair.

MojhitoSparkle · 14/02/2017 09:24

Yanbu. I think triffles comments apply if he had been out for a few the night before and then slept but woke up with a hangover. What you are describing tho is someone who is still drunk and should not be operating a kettle, cooker etc. Or caring for a 5 y o.

Hope you enjoy your day.

toptoe · 14/02/2017 09:25

He'll still be drunk.

Right call on your part.

toptoe · 14/02/2017 09:26

I hope he doesn't drive to your house.

toptoe · 14/02/2017 09:27

Will he get aggressive if he turns up? Perhaps you should pop out for the morning.

ohfourfoxache · 14/02/2017 09:29

If he drives to yours then you could just accidentally drop a quick call to the police explaining that you suspect there is a driver out there over the limit.....

londonrach · 14/02/2017 09:37

Unless he had a few drinks then spent night sleeping on sofa and friends house and not drunk since he went to bed on the sofa yanbu. Who drinks till 6.30 am unless theyve a problem! Good call op. Poor dd. He might still be over the limit even if stopped drinking at midnight. Certainly shouldnt drive.