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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rational advice needed before I do something....

91 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:07

My son goes to a very small school. I had a BIG falling out with one mum last year. Neither of us came out of it well. (To summarise she sent me a bloody rude email 3 days before a class event for the adults I had organised, and I called her publicly on it - overall she shouldn't have been an idiot and I shouldn't have bit..)

Anyway, she has not spoken to me since that day. I say hi when our paths cross, she ignores me etc. I invited her kid to my DS's party. She never replied.

Anyway, just found out she has arranged a whole class party and left my son off the invite list. I am feeling pretty sad.

So do I (a) do nothing. (b) send a polite text saying it would be nice if we can could get passed this. If I do send a text, what do I say?

OP posts:

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:34

Basically - the accusation was that the £200 that had not been spent on Xmas booze (but collected for the purpose of), I suggested should be put towards summer drinks booze money. I had put it to a class vote over the previous 2 months. 90% parents agreed - including her. When she could no longer make the summer drinks she said "she had never seen class fuss used in that way before and I should give it to charity, buy every child a present etc etc" Both parties had taken a lot of time to organise so I saw red... and made public her comments.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:34

I should add my DS is totally oblivious at the moment, fingers crossed it stays that way.

OP posts:

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 13/02/2017 19:35

Rise above it, next time you throw your son a party if the woman's child is one of your son's friends be sure to invite him. What she does and what you do will not go unnoticed. Be the bigger person xx also just do something else with your son that day!

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:37

So, I will ignore the party invite issue, but what about when I see her. Before I was indifferent, now I am full of rage...

OP posts:

KERALA1 · 13/02/2017 19:38

God don't join the pta committee - parents make complaints like that all the time. I Complaints from parents who were dentists for having a cake sale, and by a lentil weaving parent for there being nestle products on a tombola. Nod and smile. She hardly accused you of nicking money.

greenfolder · 13/02/2017 19:40

Rise above it.
Your DS will get over it. Or tell him he couldn't have gone cos you are off to Cadbury World (insert treat of choice).
My dd was routinely excluded from one of her friends parties and was snubbed at every turn by her mother. We never found out why cos my dd was the kind of kid that most people liked. And I would never have sunk to her level to ask.

greenfolder · 13/02/2017 19:42

If DS is oblivious at the moment bung something on the calendar for that day now.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2017 19:42

Why are all these parents using their kid's school as a social club for themselves?

That way madness lies.

And fall outs between parents that ultimately affect the kids.

AudTheDeepMinded · 13/02/2017 19:42

Your School has drinks parties?! Wow!
I think if your dc are friends she is probably going to get a hard time from her own child about yours not being invited. I would ignore as pp have suggested but if it causes your child a lot of distress is it worth talking to the class teacher about it? It could really, unfortunately, impact on their friendship through no fault of either if them. Teacher might appreciate a discrete heads up?

greenfolder · 13/02/2017 19:43

And if you want to piss her off, send a birthday card and small gift into school with a note saying sorry you can't make it.

Liiinoo · 13/02/2017 19:44

Well done for not escalating this. Your DS probably won't be that bothered. At 6 he will take his lead from you. When this happened to DD I arranged a treat for the day of the party. When she eventually got wind of the party and mentioned she wasn't invited. I said "well, isn't that lucky - that is the day we are doing X, it would have been awful to have to choose which to do'.

DD was actually very fond of the child whose party it was (god knows why she wasn't invited, I didn't even attempt to unravel that), so we bought a small gift and a card and presented it to the party girl at school the day before the party. The child was thrilled and the look of embarrassment on her mum's face was a joy to behold.

All that was nearly 20 years ago. DD and party girl are not especially close but remain friends to this day and I occasionally meet up with the mum for a drink. All water under the bridge.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:48

I like the present idea - that's good. Turn everything on it's head. 🙃 I just feel I let my son down. That makes me sad. What is awesome about AIBU is that it allows you to vent in the right place!

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Ionlywantedapony · 13/02/2017 19:48

She's being pathetic. Don't text her. Just be sure to let everyone else know what she's done. Keep smiling.
Eugh. I had something similar with a woman at my school a few years ago. Not a big fall out, but our kids had a set to. We haven't spoken since. It's old news now but at the time I was gutted because I wanted to be friends with everyone. It's not a bad lesson for our kids to learn, that parents can act like pricks too...

LavenderDoll · 13/02/2017 19:49

Just let it lie.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:49

Thanks liiinooo - am hoping this will be water under the bridge by the time he understands about party invites

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KurriKurri · 13/02/2017 19:50

Don't send a present and card - that comes under the same heading of involving kids in adults quarrels- the little boy shouldn't be used in a PA way to make a point, just leave the kids out all together.

p1nkflam1ngos · 13/02/2017 19:53

I would arrange something else lovely for that day, and tell DS that unfortunately he won't be able to attend the party because you have something much nicer planned already.

Astro55 · 13/02/2017 19:55

FWIW - if people donate money to X (in this case drinks) then the money should be spent in X - or returned - it can not be diverted - in this case gifts ....

KERALA1 · 13/02/2017 19:57

You do sound like a hot head op. Whenever I have acted on my hot headed ness I have regretted it. Rant to your Dh but hold back - for your own sake.

Astro55 · 13/02/2017 20:01

The Hit Head comment is spot on .... in this case another parent discovered the issue - she will no doubt be 'mentioning it' to the other parents ... did you see X wasn't invited??

You don't need to get involved .... the other mother has done this all by herself ... hold your head up and be graceful and let the others do the work for you.

If you strike out now - you will be equally involved and talked about -

EweAreHere · 13/02/2017 20:13

She has only made herself look bad. Really. Any decent parent will think this.

Make plans for something else fun to do on the day of the party.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 20:26

I soooooooooo want to text her. Am not drinking wine tonight.... need to make sure I sit on my hands all night.

OP posts:

mirren3 · 13/02/2017 20:26

Although the school shouldn't be involved you can bet the staff will know about this before the date of the party. Out of interest are any of your friends children going to the party?

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 20:29

The whole class is going. I wouldn't expect / ask anyone to pick sides. To be honest she is never at the school gate, parents will be going to make their kids happy.

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SalmonFajitas · 13/02/2017 20:30

Oh my god definitely don't text her. Since your DS isn't aware it's the perfect opportunity to gain the unequivocal moral high ground. I wouldn't engage her at all but if anyone asks why DS isn't going I'd be clear he was deliberately excluded.

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