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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rational advice needed before I do something....

91 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:07

My son goes to a very small school. I had a BIG falling out with one mum last year. Neither of us came out of it well. (To summarise she sent me a bloody rude email 3 days before a class event for the adults I had organised, and I called her publicly on it - overall she shouldn't have been an idiot and I shouldn't have bit..)

Anyway, she has not spoken to me since that day. I say hi when our paths cross, she ignores me etc. I invited her kid to my DS's party. She never replied.

Anyway, just found out she has arranged a whole class party and left my son off the invite list. I am feeling pretty sad.

So do I (a) do nothing. (b) send a polite text saying it would be nice if we can could get passed this. If I do send a text, what do I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:08

I should add it is a 6th birthday party.

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Thefishtankneedswater · 13/02/2017 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mablethorpe · 13/02/2017 18:16

I've found out from bitter experience that the 'tits and teeth' method of dealing with this works best for me (i.e. Just grin and bear it).

Yes, it's a nasty thing for her to have done but imo, some people aren't worth wasting your energy, good or bad, on them.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:16

I am thinking this
"Hi Xxx, I have just found Child is having a birthday party at the end of February. I know you and I are not on good terms but it would be lovely if my DS could come. It would be my MIL dropping him off and wouldn't stay, up to you. Thanks so much"

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Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:17

It's just sets such a a bloody awful precedent.

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Chippednailvarnishing · 13/02/2017 18:19

Rise above it. Don't contact her about it...

But I'd make sure everyone knows how nasty she is.

Mablethorpe · 13/02/2017 18:20

Don't send that, deep breath and move on. Sure your DS will be invited to many more parties over the coming years. I'd really just leave it.

Hissy · 13/02/2017 18:20

Don't fucking lower yourself.

It will be obvious that your child isn't going and you can be open that he was left out.

You can't text her to beg for an invite! Let it go.

Grilledaubergines · 13/02/2017 18:21

How about

"Hi, I've heard your child is having a birthday party and my child is the only child not invited. If my child has upset yours, hence the non-invite, please let me know so I can speak with him about it".

She might reply and she might not. But this focuses on the children's' relationship rather than the parents. If the lack of invite is due to the mother's feelings towards you, it may give her food for thought and she'll probably realise how unkind she has been.

FireInTheHead · 13/02/2017 18:25

Agree with pos to just ignore, don't text her and don't let others know how nasty she was, makes it look like you care. I'd take DS out somewhere, pretend it was a longstanding arrangement, others will be sure to decline because they already have plans so he won't be the only one not at the party. Move right along.

Pacha11 · 13/02/2017 18:25

Grin and bear it, yes. I would never in a million years beg for an invitation. I would never in a million years beg, fullstop. This will teach your child some dignity. And a valuable lesson not to be a self-entitled brat. ;)

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:37

It is breaking my heart for my little boy. Who does that? Hate me, don't hate my child who has done nothing.

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RortyCrankle · 13/02/2017 18:38

Sorry but I wouldn't send that text - she will see it as you begging for an invite for your child and derive enormous pleasure from it I suspect.

Perhaps on the day of the party make plans to take your DS somewhere special, I bet he will enjoy that just as much.

Your next dilemma will be do you invite her child if your DS has a whole class party.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:41

I have to listen to you all. I won't text. The thing this, I don't care if she thinks I am begging, I have no feeling towards/against her. I just don't want this to be the precedent that is set. That its ok for one child to be ostracised.

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BlondeBecky1983 · 13/02/2017 18:42

I would ignore! Do something lovely with your DS on the day. I'm sure he won't be the only one not there as others won't be able to make it.

Flowers
Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:42

I would invite him. The argument was last June. He was invited to my DS's birthday in the Summer. I don't care about her but I would always do what is right.

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user1483981877 · 13/02/2017 18:45

Ouch... this would really upset me. It's done though, she is being a child if that's the reason your son wasn't invited. You can't change that so you will have to let this one go I think. And learn to be diplomatic at all times at school.

Astro55 · 13/02/2017 18:45

Ignore - she will look like a cow!!

You'll see in a couple of years your DS will have friends and hers will take her mantra and be without

Rise above it - it's only a party -

GwenCooper81 · 13/02/2017 18:48

Don't beg for an invite. She's a dick. Take your son somewhere special. I'd make sure everyone knew how horrid she's been though..

Migrainemate · 13/02/2017 18:49

Who was wrong in the first place causing the argument?

Thirtyrock39 · 13/02/2017 18:49

It will be more upsetting for you than your child. There will be others who can't go for various reasons so won't be totally obvious he's the only one nor invited. It's really harsh but just rise above it. If they're 6 she may feel it would be awkward and she wouldn't enjoy it if you were there and not want the stress

RortyCrankle · 13/02/2017 18:51

If you're not convinced then let me ask you this - knowing what sort of a person she is, would you really be happy leaving your DS in her house? She could say anything to him, or be mean in other ways. I wouldn't let her come within a mile of him if I were you.

FireInTheHead · 13/02/2017 18:52

You keep doing what is right, OP, that's all you can do. DS will be fine, all kids miss out on one party or another and they get over it, it's how you handle it that makes the difference in how he handles it. Tell him you were taking him out somewhere special anyway so he couldn't have gone.
Best of luck.

Maudlinmaud · 13/02/2017 18:55

So glad you have decided not to text her. Rise above it and do something nice with your dc on the day of the party.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:56

She sent me a very rude email telling me an event I had organised was an inappropriate use of class funds. It wasn't. But the accusation, so late in the day (and only sent because she could no longer come the event - she was happy with the use of funds before that point), stung me deeply, and I made her thoughts public. Like I said before. She was an idiot, but I shouldn't have bit. It was DS's first year at the school and I was trying to be a good class rep. For the record I get on with everyone else, going on a few holidays with other parents etc. Just so sad. Bully me. Don't bully my boy. Her son and mine sit on the same desks, get on etc.

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