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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rational advice needed before I do something....

91 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:07

My son goes to a very small school. I had a BIG falling out with one mum last year. Neither of us came out of it well. (To summarise she sent me a bloody rude email 3 days before a class event for the adults I had organised, and I called her publicly on it - overall she shouldn't have been an idiot and I shouldn't have bit..)

Anyway, she has not spoken to me since that day. I say hi when our paths cross, she ignores me etc. I invited her kid to my DS's party. She never replied.

Anyway, just found out she has arranged a whole class party and left my son off the invite list. I am feeling pretty sad.

So do I (a) do nothing. (b) send a polite text saying it would be nice if we can could get passed this. If I do send a text, what do I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 18:57

Thanks everyone. Sometimes you need other people to be rational when all you want to do is get angry or cry. Neither the correct response.

OP posts:
Inertia · 13/02/2017 19:01

Don't send a begging text, she'll take great delight in that , share it around and still not invite your son. Can you arrange something immensely fun for your DS on the same day ? Perhaps something with other family members ?

BadKnee · 13/02/2017 19:02

Agree with others. Don't e-mail. Rise above. Your lovely boy has years of friends and parties to come Do something nice on the day.

Also agree I would not lave my child in her care having seen how she treats him. Imagine: the only one not getting cake, the only one not being included in a game, not being chosen for a turn on something, being spoken to sharply, etc. Not fair on him.

AutumnalLeafs · 13/02/2017 19:06

It is breaking my heart for my little boy. Who does that? Hate me, don't hate my child who has done nothing.

Actually in general terms it's pretty common for people not to associate with person X because they hate person Y who is close to them.

Hate X Man but his Wife Y has done nothing wrong. Won't invite either X or Y to a dinner party.

When it comes to children, it is equally common for children to hang out together precise because their parents get on and have a lot in common.

Shit happens I'm afraid and there is an element of sins of the father. Life sucks but it's true.

Just let it go. Begging for an invite should be beneath your dignity.

happypoobum · 13/02/2017 19:07

Please don't text her.

Ignore and do something nice with DS that day.

Olympiathequeen · 13/02/2017 19:07

If the original falling out was both of you not behaving well then I would text or message her and say you accept your part in the incident but for the sake of the children could you just put the past behind you?

Reacting angrily will just make it all worse.

Serin · 13/02/2017 19:08

Oh dear, she has shot herself in the foot there hasn't she? Others will see her for the utter cow that she is now.

Take your DS out for the day and do something lovely with him.

iMatter · 13/02/2017 19:11

Is there a school "suggestion" about party invitations?

At my ds's primary the suggestion was "less than half or all" for parties in term time.

It was a v small rural school and it seemed to work.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:15

The school won't know. Invite was sent by email - my friend just thought to check the list of recipients and saw I wasn't on it.

OP posts:
Fuxfurforall · 13/02/2017 19:16

Rise above it. The whole thing says more about her, how vindictive and juvenile she is and shows her in a very poor light.

Would I contact her? No, I wouldn't. Take your son out somewhere for an impromptu treat anyway and don't ever give her the satisfaction of seeing she and her pathetic ways have got to you.

She sounds vile.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 19:17

Everyone will know what she did make sure if they don't and she'll look like a bigger tit.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 13/02/2017 19:18

I don't the schools should be involving themselves with party invites!

KurriKurri · 13/02/2017 19:18

Don't send text and beg - be the bigger person. She is unpleasant to take out her problems on a little boy - but some people are unpleasant.

She's done it for a reaction, don't give her the satisfaction of even noticing. Do something much more exciting with your DS on that day - then when he writes his news on the Monday at school the teacher will be thrilled to read something that isn't 'I went to RudeMumBoy's party, we had cake and crisps' and give him top marks Grin

anotherdayanothersquabble · 13/02/2017 19:19

Get your friend to point it out to her....

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:21

I don't want to ask anyone to speak on my behalf, but I imagine it will be a common topic of conversation when they find out.

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 13/02/2017 19:21

Bully me. Don't bully my boy

Hate me, don't hate my child

Confused

She's being a bit weird but so are you. Am gobsmacked that you would even consider sending a text - just back off and leave her to it.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:22

Thanks so much everyone. Flowers From now on an going to treat the school gate with the diplomatic treatment it requires.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:23

Blue folly - the reason I posted in AIBU was to ensure I responded correctly and didn't let me emotions dictate.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/02/2017 19:27

Don't lower yourself, she obviously doesn't want your child there.

As an aside. If she sent you a private email you should not have 'made her thoughts public'.

I'm so glad I had a 'drop and go Mum', rather than one who involved herself in my school and with the other parents, because it can cause so much trouble and I always felt my school was 'my territory' if that makes sense?

AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 19:27

Agree don't text. Rise above it, let people know what she's done. Play the long game.

wickerlampshade · 13/02/2017 19:27

Yes - what does he want to do most in the world. Legoland? Go skiing on one of those indoor slopes? Etc etc. Do that on the day of the party and make sure he's excited enough to tell everyone at school.

EB123 · 13/02/2017 19:28

Don't text her, just let her get on with it.

HappyFlappy · 13/02/2017 19:28

She's a spiteful, hate-filled cowbag.

Let her get on with it. Eve if you begged on broken glass she would take delight in turning down your imprecations and then would tell everyone how you crawled to her.

I agree that you should ignore it, have a lovely day with your son and put her vindictiveness behind you.

I can hardly believe the number of adults who take out their malice on children. It is shameful

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 13/02/2017 19:30

Worra - the problem was her private email accused me of misappropriating class funds. I needed everyone to know I wasn't....hence making it public (but I was pretty pissed off)

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 13/02/2017 19:31

I think you rushed your fences before and risk doing so again. You shouldn't have escalated it before (which you accept and I empathise I can be like this too). In doing so you have upped the ante and now this. Don't contact her - embarrassing. If you are rueful and hurt you keep the moral high ground and make her look like a dick for leaving your son out.

Plus kids don't actually care that much - if they are not there it didn't happen especially if distracted. Unless you make a big deal of it to him which I'm sure you won't...

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