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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called "uptight" for asking boyfriend to not make leering comments at TV - AIBU?

34 replies

TeaCake5 · 12/02/2017 12:21

So I am in a newish relationship which has been going pretty well. Have been staying at his place this weekend and we have spent this morning watching some of the political stuff on the TV.

So was watching the Sky thing and he made a couple of comments about the presenter "doesn't she look great for a Sunday" "I wouldn't mind getting an interview from her" "You can see why male MPs want to go on here rather than Marr show" etc

When I commented on him sounding a bit sexist/disrespectful he went in a huff, called me "uptight" and said some bullshit about it being okay for women to do the same on Poldark (I don't even watch this).

I'm heading home in a bit and feel like seen a different side of the bloke or am I just overreacting?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/02/2017 12:22

I couldn't be doing with that, frankly.

TheStoic · 12/02/2017 12:23

He sounds like a 14yo. No point saying anything, though. He is who he is.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 12/02/2017 12:24

Nor could I. I would honestly get rid.

The sexist comments are awful enough on their own to be honest, but the fact you told him you didn't like it and he essentially told you he didn't give a shit? Bye bye.

OFFFS · 12/02/2017 12:24

He has a shitty attitude towards women and isn't bothered about you knowing it.

Imagine what he's like when he's out with 'The Lads'? Urgh.

EighthElement · 12/02/2017 12:24

eeeeuuurgh.

He doesn't sound my type at all. Women (some women out there) may find the actor on Poldark attractive but you have not been leering at male actors in his presence like he has been leering at female presenters right in front of you. He refuses to be called on his sexist behaviour if his defence that some women (not you) have also done this, apparently. Nothing to do with you though.

I don't think you're uptight. I think you quite justifiable got turned off

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 12:25

I think you know enough about him to decide whether your relationship is going to get past the newish stage.

The fact that he called you uptight rankles more than the actual comments. It shows a real lack of respect.

Cherrysoup · 12/02/2017 12:26

Sorry, sounds like a twat. Are you very invested? If that's his general sexist attitude, I wouldn't be with him.

DJKKSlider · 12/02/2017 12:32

There is an argument for a double standard for this type of thing I think.
Look at the comments about Tom Hardy doing a story for babies on Cbeebies. Some of them are very graphic. Then some men do something similar and they're sexist pervs.

Whether that argument applies here? I don't know.. I think his constant commenting would be my issue. If that makes sense? A single, "she looks good" is different to constant commentary.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 12/02/2017 12:33

Dump. Move on.

WizardOfToss · 12/02/2017 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 12/02/2017 12:41

Was he single for long, before you?

ClopySow · 12/02/2017 12:44

Bet his last girlfriend fancied the guy in Poldark

Original poster
TeaCake5 · 12/02/2017 12:45

stoic he has been single for year and half before this relationship?

OP posts:
user1471545174 · 12/02/2017 12:45

Unsurprising.

Allergictoironing · 12/02/2017 12:49

Poldark is an actor, chosen for the role in part because of the image of "darkly attractive and a little bit dangerous" he is able to portray. Same as female actors for certain roles being partly chosen for their looks - a femme fatale character wouldn't be terribly believable if they weren't at least a little attractive.

However presenters on a political programme should be judged first and foremost on their political acumen, their ability to drill down to the facts beneath the hype and their skills in interviewing, NOT on their attractiveness.

Judging women purely by looks when their role is not appearance related (beyond looking professional of course) says that the commenter is judging woman on looks rather than their ability to do the job - do you really want to stay with someone who thinks your value is just in how you look, rather than the person you are and your mind?

DameDeDoubtance · 12/02/2017 13:19

What a twat, get rid.

ClopySow · 12/02/2017 13:33

However presenters on a political programme should be judged first and foremost on their political acumen, their ability to drill down to the facts beneath the hype and their skills in interviewing, NOT on their attractiveness

This is not what happens in the real world though.

TurnipCake · 12/02/2017 13:36

I'd dump, I don't do unreconstructed men

Goosegettingfat · 12/02/2017 13:44

Yuck. No, I wouldn't bang on to DH about how fit poldark is. It would hurt his feelings. I wouldn't be with someone who felt the need to behave like this.

Chloe84 · 12/02/2017 14:03

One comment may have been fine, but three comments suggests to me he was trying to get a rise out of you or make you feel insecure. Would be a red flag for me.

Katy07 · 12/02/2017 15:27

Well I admit that I did comment out loud about the Danish weather forecaster on the weather documentary I was watching a few days ago but hopefully not in a leching sort of way and luckily my dog didn't mind. But OP's (soon to be ex?) partner sounds like a right prat for making comments like that in front of her. There's a difference between 'she's very nice' and the sort of 'phwoarr wouldn't mind a bit of her' that it sounds like OP's OH was steering towards.

YouTheCat · 12/02/2017 15:33

There are a lot of double standards about this.

I think I'm probably guilty, to some extent.

We seem to have come full circle, where it's no longer acceptable for men to comment about women (fair enough) but it's increasingly encouraged as 'empowering' for women to do it about men.

However, the OP's bf sounds like a twat. I can appreciate a nicely rounded bum and swathy looks but I wouldn't articulate that in front of my dp as it would be very disrespectful. And he wouldn't do that to me either.

Allergictoironing · 12/02/2017 15:54

Clopy I know that sadly it doesn't happen like this in the real world (remember the abuse Mary Beard got for being not considered attractive and daring to present on a subject she is the recognised expert on?).

However in this case I was expanding on the fact that the OPs OH DOES seem to judge the woman presenter in that way, so asking if she really wants a relationship with someone who thinks that way.

Niskayuna · 12/02/2017 16:08

Lucky you! With it being early days you can shut of this loser and find a decent bloke.

Most men, even some of the scummy ones, have learned not to make sexist comments in front of their partners. For fuck's sake, even Trump was smart enough not to make his pussy comment in front of his partner, or women. Your bloke is actually thicker than Trump.

How exactly are you going to have any form of equal relationship with someone saying that to the TV? Is he trying to upset you? Make you jealous? Make you cry? Put you in your place so you know he doesn't agree with any of that 'feminist nonsense'? Does he read those rapey dating manuals that advise him to treat you poorly so you keep seeking his approval?

You can do so, so much better.

allthelove · 12/02/2017 16:14

I dunno. It's hardly the worst thing I've heard Amanda say Confused

I just said to my husband the other night when cain dingle came on the TV "ahh god would you look at him. He gorgeous"

We both laughed.

Today in the car we were talking about Britney Spears (god knows why) and he was saying he'd always thought she was gorgeous. It's just a comment.

Given the reaction on here my DH and I are massively disrespectful to each other.

I honestly just can't get worked up about it OP

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