to want to be able to moan about my job

[iwasstarving]

DH and I have not agreed on the best way to raise a child, we've made some uneasy compromises. DH feels under 5s (ideally under 10s he says) should have a full time parent, obviously this needs to be me as I don't earn enough to cover the mortgage, but I was reluctant to go down this path. At first I thought I wanted it but the days on maternity leave were so so long.

So we compromised and I went back part time, 3 days a week. DH has done nothing to make life easier for me, every time I ask him for help he says "well if you'd give up work then you wouldn't need help."

The thing is work is very stressful right now but I can't say it's anything less than perfect otherwise he starts pressurising me to quit.

He's amazing but this is really getting me down :(

I really think you need to speak to women's aid.
He is very controlling, and you are scared of him.
You sound so sad.

I am scared of him being angry with me, I am scared of losing him now we have a child, he could have anyone. He is handsome and successful I am neither. He hates me having secrets.

Oh dear .....

You are working pt with a baby while living with a man who actively tries to make things harder for you.
You are not allowed any privacy to the extent that you are too scared to seek medical help.

He may well look good, but he is rotten all the way through.

You should go to the doctor and speak to them. You should also look for another job if you're not happy in this one. Change things for the better. Don't give in to him. You need to do what makes you happy.

Do ADs make you gain weight?

ADs can make you gain weight because you cant always feel when youre full. Im not sure how common it is. You cpuld mention your worries to your dr.

ADs don't necessarily make you gain weight. I've been taking ADs for 6 years and I've stayed the same weight. I think you'll find as well that you feel ugly because you're depressed not because you're fat. Once you're getting help it will be easier to lose the weight because you won't feel so helpless.

I really would urge you to phone Womens Aid too (0808 2000 247 if you don't want the search for the number to appear in your web history). You shouldn't be scared of your partner in the way that you are, it is very upsetting what he is doing to you.

That's nice of you but I am actualy fat, I was really sick in pregnancy but the only thing that helped was eating carby heavy foods regularly. I'm not exactly scared of him but I don't know what my feelings are any more.

Is this about your DH?

Sorry wrong thread

It sounds like he wants you at home full-time so he holds the purse strings and you have to do what he wants. Having your own money and skillset outside the home is a threat to him. If you are at work, you are doing things and meeting people he does not know about. He probably does not like that.

Was he a bit possessive before you had the baby?

Whatever you do, do NOT give up your job.

You say your dh could "have anyone" but he could not, for example, have any of the women on this thread.

I do understand the idea that kids are best off with an engaged parent rather than nursery. I was with one til I started school myself, but it wasn't something I ended up doing for my kids (work part time, one just started school, one to go).
I'd see the ideal way to achieve this being both parents go part time. My husband has been on a series on insecure contracts, and part time wasn't possible. He also wants to be in full time work. I suggested it, we've discussed it. I'd never make him feel like less of a parent for wanting a job! He's never made me feel like less of a parent or person for earning less, and still spending money. With your partner, id worry even more about giving up work because he is controlling, and could become controlling about money if he's the sole earner. We make decisions based on what would make us happy, giving high regard to each others happiness. He doesn't seem to care about your happiness, and neither do you. You seem too scared of him to prioritise yourself. Any normal person would be horrified if their spouse was reluctant to go to the Drs because of their reaction.
Don't quit the job. Quit the marriage.

I've been on the ads that make you gain weight. An alternative is usually possible (odd set of reasons I ended up on the weight gain ones) Basically they prevent you feeling full. DH never said anything except 'you're gorgeous' and I lost the weight easily afterwards. I get the impression you're worried about dhs reaction to weight gain.

Do you go to his Drs appointment's?

Op this is an abusive relationship

Of course he wants you to stay at home with the baby - he knows exactly where you are and what you're doing that way. He doesn't want you to have the social or financial independence a job brings you.

You're in an abusive dysfunctional relationship. Sounds like he wants you barefoot and pregnant, ie. totally dependant. This Is the mark of a very insecure controlling man.

Go to the Dr's when he's not around, if you're prescribed pills maybe you could keep them at work or in a painkillers/vitamins bottle? I think you should consult a divorce lawyer and find out what you'd be entitled to, you may well be surprised. I bet you might not need Anti depresents if you get this tosser away from you.

It's very likely that his controlling behaviour and bullying is partly the cause of your depression OP.

He sounds horrible. Succesful and goodlooking men can turn out to be nasty people underneath.

He's honestly not horrible. I've been on holiday this week and it's been lovely but he's trying to get me to hand in my notice and saying how nice it's been this week.

He really is horrible.

And he wants you to quit so you would be more dependent on him and would have no chance to leave, once you see how bad this relationship is

Yes he is horrible. Abusive men can often be lovely. It's how you get sucked in