to think they're not ungrateful, just disappointed?

[Blinkybell]

I have 2 DDs, every Christmas and birthday MiL will ring up and ask what they would like.

Every Christmas and birthday I give her a range of ideas (she gives me a budget and I'll give her suggestions within that). Every Christmas and birthday she'll then tell me she doesn't want to buy any of the things I've suggested and will buy something totally different.

Both DDs have hobbies and interests which are a gold mine of present ideas - DD2 is into horse riding and needed new jodhpurs, or her riding school does gift vouchers for hacks or lessons, etc, etc. DD1 is massively arty and is currently doing her art GCSE and loves sketch books or any art stuff really.

At Christmas MiL didn't want to buy anything we suggested and bought them some make up gift sets (nail varnish, etc). DD2 doesn't wear any make up. DD1 does but she has her own brands and colours that suit her. Both girls were really polite, thanked her, were fairly enthusiastic and wrote her thank you letters after Christmas

Anyway, DD2 has a birthday coming up and MiL called last night to find out what DD would like. DH gave her some ideas, and again, she didn't want to buy those things. DH asked her why she kept asking if she was just going to ignore anything we said. It ended up in a bit of an argument - our kids are ungrateful and spoilt and she didn't know why she bothered.

Thing is, she never listens, she's never really bothered to get to know our kids, she's just not interested in them really (DH's older sister was always the favoured child, and now her kids are the favoured grandchildren) so she doesn't know that DD2 doesn't ever wear make up and that at 15 DD1 saves up her pocket money to buy MAC.

They are polite, they say thanks, write letters, phone her, etc, but it does upset them - they've both said "does Nanny know us at all?" Especially when they see their cousins opening stuff like computer games they've asked for

I just get a bit fed up with it all. They'd never say anything, but they're not grateful in all honesty, and I can't say I blame them.

ugh she sounds painful, she is BU - you are not

she is (a) not listening and (b) buying presents for her own gratification

ugh! limit the consumption of this granny

YANBU

I've always wondered what would happen if people in this position said 'no, thanks, this year the girls don't want any presents'. And if asked why 'Well, we don't want to hurt your feelings, but they don't need/like/want what you give them, so they'd rather you didn't waste the money and gave it to a charity instead'.

Gawd, I'd love to do that!!! But then I am a bit evil... :D

Yeah, not ungrateful really. I hate people who buy things they think your kid should have. What's the point, really? Mind you, at least it means the charity shops have something on their shelves.

One year dh aunt gave us the enormous sack of presents about 2 weeks before christmas (including 1 large toy that was identical to the year before) the receipt was in the bottom of the bin bag. Not just our receipt but the whole family (6 children and their children etc) . She must have bought the whole lot in 1 go. The shop was where she lived about 2 hours away but we decided to take them all back when we went across to see family before christmas.

Coming out of the shop we bumped into a cousin and feeling guilty confessed- she immediately wanted the receipt to do the same- that year I think everything went back as the receipt was passed round- which was sad but honestly we asked for 1 simple thing each and got a sack load of other unsuitable stuff.