To wonder what the hell is going on with my wedding plans?

[isthismummy]

Dp and I got engaged at Christmas time. We've booked wedding already for early summer. Our plan was registery office wedding followed by afternoon tea reception at a hotel we both love. We've hired a lovely room there and can stay as late as we like. Less than twenty guests, just immediate family and friends.

I have four female friends coming.

Original plan was no night do. Only friends a, b and c said we really should have one. Some of them are travelling hundreds of miles to be with us and we needed to have a proper party (no scope for dancing etc in hotel. It's quite a fancy one)

Therefore I found what I thought was a nice, small evening venue, but with a grand minimum bar spend charge. This means searching around for more guests than I would really care about inviting to cover it.

I went there yesterday with friend c and another friend to look at it. I didn't like it when I saw it and said so. Friend c clearly got annoyed because of that and after twenty minutes got up and left!

I didn't want a hen do, but friends are insisting I should have one. Now that's tuned into friends a, b, c and d debating where to go, some of them don't want to do anything, everyone is getting stressed about it. I'm getting freedback about it all and feeling bad about whole thing.

Friend c in particular has really taken over and it's all questions about guest organisation, wedding morning planning, pre wedding meet ups etc etc etc...

I've also ended up making them all bridesmaids when I wasn't originally planning any! Feel like they are getting so involved (well some of them) that I should ask. However some (not all) have been less than enthusiastic and now I feel shit about that.

I just wanted to marry my dp in the company of the people I love Really wanted to avoid all the stressful wedding bullshit and now I've been lumbered with it anyway!

I'm very grateful that they care and want to help, but I'm starting to wonder what the fuck happened to my wedding plans. Feeling totally overwhelmed atm and like eloping is a good idea. Dp feels the same! Really stressed and unhappy about it all.

AIBU to tell them how I feel or do I just accept it's all inevitable wedding stuff?

Isthismummy I've only read first page of thread but just wanted to say you sound lovely and what's a nice wedding day you've got planned. Your friends are being very unreasonable. It's fine for them to mention/query the night time thing but then, once you've planned what your plan is, they should go with that and be grateful they're invited.

I agree with pp saying that the four of you should perhaps plan to go out after the wedding....spa day or clubbing etc ...if they're not happy to go along with that suggestion, then they're not real friends.
And don't worry about offending them....their behaviour is totally out of order. You don't moan about someone else's wedding to their face and force them to make alternative plans. That's just rude!

Oh dear god. Elope!!!
Thank god i got married with two witnesses at a registry office and a small meal just the four of us. What a fuss.

Yes go back to your original plan. If any one has a hissy fit and refuses to come then they are not the friends you thought they were...

Millbrook looks incredible, that treehouse could almost convince me I want to be married..... almost

Your afternoon tea wedding sounds beautiful. Go back to your plans. it's too important to let others ride over it.

Don't worry about upsetting them by rejecting their plans, they've not been worried about hurting your feelings

How about something like this for an email to all ...

Dear ...,

Just sending a general email out to all those who have helped me plan me and [Partner]s wedding celebration, to keep you up to speed. We've looked at lots of options, at have last decided that the best way we can accommodate family, friends and our own sincere wishes for our day is to stick roughly with our first basic plans which are:

... OP you fill out this bit. Add everything YOU want to see happen. Add no bridesmaids or page boys. Add that you might like an evening meal with x, y, z (including parents?) the night before or whatever. Then:

We look forward to seeing all of you on the big day - your presence will mean so much to [partner] and i. I'm very excited and can't wait for it all to swing into place.

Yours isthis

It singles no one out and doesn't make a drama out of a crisis

That's really good Laiste. Thank you very much

It's very diplomatic and cuts through my tendency to over elaborate and apologise for myself!

I would change the 'those who've helped me plan' to 'those who have offered suggestions'.....

There you go MUMMY, sorted.
Love your user name LELLOTEDDY. 😄