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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to take DS on our weekend away?

54 replies

whereiscaroline · 11/02/2017 11:21

DP and I agreed to buy each other a weekend away for Xmas, rather than presents. My weekend to him is a 4 day break to Iceland. We go in March.

The weekend is working out to be v.expensive and since we have booked our finances have changed somewhat and we'll be holidaying in the U.K. for our main family holiday, not abroad.

In light of this, I want to take my son with us to Iceland. DS is 9 and if he doesn't come then he won't get a trip abroad this year. I think it will be a fantastic experience for him, and it's not somewhere we will be returning to once we've been, so no opportunity to take him on a future trip.

DP (not DS's dad) is less keen on the idea. He feels that these weekends were supposed to be time for us as a couple, and that IABU for now wanting to bring DS. This culminated in a slightly drunk bicker last night.

If it's relevant, it would also mean DS missing 2 days of school.

AIBU to push the idea of bringing my son along too?

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 11/02/2017 11:24

Yes.

Hulababy · 11/02/2017 11:24

I'd have taken Dd as I know she would have loved it. Missing two days of school for a trip to Iceland wouldn't be a worry for me (I teach) as it would be very

Do you struggle to find time alone? Is this why dh is concerned?

clippityclock · 11/02/2017 11:25

I agree with your DP tbh. You both agreed to get weekends away for each other that did not include your DS and now you are going back on that. I'd be pissed off if I had been looking forward to a weekend away and then had to bring my DS along.

Nospringflower · 11/02/2017 11:25

It's difficult as I can see why you want to take him but can also see why your partner doesn't! It does sound like it wasn't planned for your son to be coming plus he would need to take time off school so in this case I think your partner is being reasonable.

Hulababy · 11/02/2017 11:25

Ah re read - do and not your ds's dad. I guess that makes a difference really.

Original poster
whereiscaroline · 11/02/2017 11:25

I should have mentioned - we get one weekend night & day to ourselves every week anyway, when DS is at his dad's house. We aren't short of "couple time".

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 11:25

It is supposed to be a present for him - I think YABU, sorry.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 11/02/2017 11:26

well taking an extra person isn't going to make it any cheaper is it?

Sirzy · 11/02/2017 11:28

Surely adding him on is going to increase the cost a lot anyway?

I can se why he isn't happy as it would very much change the dynamics of the break

BaronessBomburst · 11/02/2017 11:28

I would take DS turning it into the big family holiday, but have a weekend away alone with DP in the UK. I would understand DP being disappointed by this though, but seeing as finances have changed it seems to be the fairest option.

Sirzy · 11/02/2017 11:28

And not having a holiday abroad one year is hardly the end of the world! I am sure he will survive

Cherryskypie · 11/02/2017 11:29

Your DS will still have a holiday, just one in the UK. He won't break if he misses out on going abroad for a year. Taking your DS on what's supposed to be an adult weekend away is very unfair.

pinkyredrose · 11/02/2017 11:29

If it's meant to be a trip as a couple then yes I think you'd be unreasonable to insist your son goes too. It's not much of a present to your DP if his trip is organised around a 9yr old ( which it would have to be) it would totally change the dynamic. Plus if your finances have taken a nosedive could you really afford to take another person to Iceland? It's hideously expensive. I expect your DP was looking forward to time as a couple, romantic nights, chilling in the thermal spa's etc, wouldn't be the same at all with a kid in tow.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 11/02/2017 11:30

I think you should stick to your guns, there's no way I'd be funding a trip for a boyfriends who wanted to exclude my child meaning he wouldn't get a holiday that year.

He very obviously doesn't see you as a family if he can so willingly leave a child out like that.

Cherryskypie · 11/02/2017 11:30

Will he also get a holiday with his Dad this year?

girlelephant · 11/02/2017 11:31

Have you already booked the UK holiday? If not can you make Iceland the family holiday and book a separate weekend away with your DH to the place of his choice?

If not I think you need to leave it with Iceland just being the two of you

greenmidgetgems · 11/02/2017 11:31

YABU. It's supppsed to be time away for you and your DP, not a replacement for your family holiday. Also I don't see what is wrong with your DS not going abroad this year, there is nothing wrong with a U.K. holiday.

PaperdollCartoon · 11/02/2017 11:33

I agree with your DP, this is a weekend away for you two not a family holiday. Even if he was your sons father it's still good for you to have couples time alone, make memories and enjoy things just you.
Your DS won't suffer for the lack of one foreign holiday. I managed 15 years without one growing up!

Believeitornot · 11/02/2017 11:33

Why didn't think about this when buying the gift of the weekend away?

Ok your finances have changed but the destination hasn't. Overseas holidays aren't the be all and end all anyway

Creampastry · 11/02/2017 11:34

I don't think yabu ..... is your dc never supposed to go on holiday with you both? Seems mean and a possible red flag?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/02/2017 11:36

I can understand why he doesn't like your suggestion. Having a 9 year old with you will make it an entirely different holiday.

Sirzy · 11/02/2017 11:36

Cream? Where did you get the idea he is never going to go on holiday with them?

The op says they AGREED the weekends away just the two of them as presents, it also mentions family holidays so it's a pretty big leap to suggest there are going to be no holidays together!

Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 11:39

I don't think it's a red flag unless he isn't keen on your DS. There is nothing wrong with wanting a weekend away with your partner without the kids.

Ilovecaindingle · 11/02/2017 11:41

Weekends away do not include kids imo!

MsJamieFraser · 11/02/2017 11:41

I agree with your dp

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