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AIBU?

To want to take DS on our weekend away?

54 replies

whereiscaroline · 11/02/2017 11:21

DP and I agreed to buy each other a weekend away for Xmas, rather than presents. My weekend to him is a 4 day break to Iceland. We go in March.

The weekend is working out to be v.expensive and since we have booked our finances have changed somewhat and we'll be holidaying in the U.K. for our main family holiday, not abroad.

In light of this, I want to take my son with us to Iceland. DS is 9 and if he doesn't come then he won't get a trip abroad this year. I think it will be a fantastic experience for him, and it's not somewhere we will be returning to once we've been, so no opportunity to take him on a future trip.

DP (not DS's dad) is less keen on the idea. He feels that these weekends were supposed to be time for us as a couple, and that IABU for now wanting to bring DS. This culminated in a slightly drunk bicker last night.

If it's relevant, it would also mean DS missing 2 days of school.

AIBU to push the idea of bringing my son along too?

OP posts:

Report

Happinessisthis · 11/02/2017 11:43

Iceland is also very expensive when you get there.
Children aren't allowed in the blue lagoon (if you choose to go).
Lots of site seeing and bus tours.
Late night tours to see northern lights.

I wouldn't be taking my kids. (We went in November) you agreed just you two. Your DS will still have a good time in UK and you will enjoy Iceland more, just the two of you

Crumbs1 · 11/02/2017 11:43

Children don't need a weekend or holiday abroad every year. They can really enjoy and learn from time in UK too.
Go and have a nice weekend in Iceland with your partner. Your doing the lad a favour by helping him learn whole world doesn't revolve around him, it's a valuable lesson best learned whilst young,

RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 11:45

It was a gift for DP. Not really his gift if DS comes along. You will be having a family holiday so he wont miss out.

YABU

Giraffesaretootall · 11/02/2017 11:47

Yabu. It'd change the whole trip and I'd be really pissed off if I was your DP.

whereiscaroline · 11/02/2017 11:48

Ok, IABU

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 11:49

Wow, that was gracious!

GemXo · 11/02/2017 11:50

YABU

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 11/02/2017 11:51

I don't think you can move the goalposts like this. There will be other opportunities for DS to go to Iceland in his life and you will still get a family holiday in the UK. I can really see why you want to take him, indeed I would have included him in the first place, but having agreed not to then it isn't fair on your DP.

columnAcolumnB · 11/02/2017 11:51

It's a tough one. I've been in a similar position in that my fiance is not my son's dad and we've never been away together alone without my son as we don't have anyone to babysit. It's never caused problems between us but it does completely change the dynamic of a trip away.

In your case I wouldn't worry about making sure your son has a holiday abroad this year. However if there was a babysitting issue and your partner was giving off about having to bring your son along then that would raise some red flags.

SorryNotSorry · 11/02/2017 11:51

No holiday abroad this year, just a holiday in the UK, someone call childline.
YABU
Enjoy the break as a couple.
Enjoy a holiday in the summer as a family.
Hope for a heatwave.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 11/02/2017 11:51

x-posted. Glad that's sorted then, hope you have a great time, I've been and loved it.

RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 11:51

Are the words red flag just said on every thread these days regardless

So does that mean you wont take DS OP ?

SalmonFajitas · 11/02/2017 11:52

Think I'm in the minority but I think neither of you ABU. I can understand DP wanting a special couple weekend but it does seem a bit unkind on DS to leave him at home from a holiday he'd love especially when there's another one coming. Might just be though DH and I usually only go on one or two max trips away a year so would never leave DC behind - they're always family trips.

Caprianna · 11/02/2017 11:55

I would take DS. I think Iceland is amasing for children. I would feel sad seeing Iceland without my children. I would do a UK break couple only but take DS to Iceland.

BackInBlack78 · 11/02/2017 11:59

I'd leave DS at home. I'd be pissed off, the whole trip would have to be changed to revolve around a 9 year old, which is not what you promised your partner. There'll be other opportunities for your son to go to Iceland when he's grown up if he really wants to go

icy121 · 11/02/2017 12:04

I think YABU tbh. It was your present to him, and now you want to make it a family holiday. If you'd agreed to do family weekends away that would be different.

Also - if you intend to take your son, would he be in your bedroom with you? That's a deal breaker for me on holidays with SDs. We don't share a room at home, why would we pay good money to do it abroad!

Emeraude · 11/02/2017 12:05

Children are allowed in the Blue Lagoon over 2 years and a 9-year-old would go in free. I went at that age and it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

mowglik · 11/02/2017 12:17

I dont think you are YABU for wanting to take your ds - sounds like you get plenty of couple time so your DH is being a bit selfish. I wouldn't want my kids to miss out on experiences like this either.

NormaSmuff · 11/02/2017 12:20

I think you should take him,
it is a long way to go for a weekend.

RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 12:23

Its 4 days Norma not a weekend.

Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 12:24

mowglik: In that case she should never have agreed to this arrangement. It isn't selfish to want what was agreed would happen, to happen.

Sirzy · 11/02/2017 12:25

Exactly trifle.

They were both happy for him to "miss out" before so that side shouldn't change

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SalmonFajitas · 11/02/2017 12:47

Trifle I think the difference is that their financial situation has changed. So she was willing for her DS to miss you on one of the exciting trips abroad for the year when he would have another one to look forward to but not the only trip abroad for the year.

I don't think kids need to go abroad (or even on holiday) every year but I can see why it would seem a little unkind to take a lovely trip abroad as a couple when you can't afford to do one as a family.

rwalker · 11/02/2017 12:59

the dynamic of the trip changes if you take your ds all your other half wants to do is go just the 2 of you. you can please yourselves eat when you want, get out of bed naked and get up when you want the fact he,s his step son does not come into go and enjoy yourself its your present so no need to feel guilty about sharing it ,loads of people go away for trips with no kids .

Allthebestnamesareused · 11/02/2017 14:19

I suspect it was just the disappointment in him coming out. He was looking forward to a nice weekend away with you and the dynamics would change.

I would keep this as adults only, have a lovely family holiday in the UK with DS.

My own 15 year old DS is about to go to Iceland on a school trip for 5 days (without us!!! We've never been and would love to go) so I am sure there will be ample time to go in the future.

Also my DS doesn't remember some of the really fab trips we did with him when he was younger. He knows he went because we have photos but doesn't actually remember being there if you get what I mean.

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