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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my husband over a financial issue?

99 replies

MotherKat · 10/02/2017 12:54

Background, I work full time, my husband is nominally freelance (he writes occasional paid articles but mostly blogs) I pay all the bills, his parents give him money to offset the car and his hobbies.
He was made unemployed just before we got married (literally the week before which is why I didn't know what I was getting into) which is why our finances are not fully joined, we have 2 children and I have another from a previous marriage.
I told him when travelling back from working away last night that I could not afford takeaway for when I got home, he had eaten with the children after they got home from the childminder but had also ordered himself takeaway, so I went to bed without supper (I got in at 11 and had to be up for work at 5:30) he has today tagged me in a post about a very expensive item for our shared hobby, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by his fiscal irresponsibility and obliviousness?

OP posts:
SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 12:57

YANBU. If money is tight is he making an effort to work more? Does he have more spending money than you? Does he know about your financial situation? I'd be very pissed off he had a takeaway when I couldn't and was out working hard!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 10/02/2017 12:58

YANBU, have you asked him to get a proper job? what does he say?

Fackorf · 10/02/2017 13:00

How long have you been married?

BarbaraofSeville · 10/02/2017 13:00

Can't he look after the children so you don't need to pay a childminder if he doesn't have a proper job? Does the pissing about on the internet blogging actually bring in any money?

blueteapot · 10/02/2017 13:01

Why would you need a childminder if he is unemployed?

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/02/2017 13:03

Your children go to a childminder. Is he actually working when they are at the childminder's? If his work is writing, can he not do that later, and take care of his children in the daytime? Reducing childcare costs would seem to me to be worth looking into.

Well that's the detail - but I think 'big picture' is what really needs looking at. What does he contribute to the household? Financially, practically, emotionally?

OnionKnight · 10/02/2017 13:05

I wasn't aware that blogging paid the bills.

honeylulu · 10/02/2017 13:06

Did he pay for the takeaway with his "pocket money" from his parents?
When you said you couldn't afford one did he offer to order for you or share his? Or did he decide you could go hungry if you couldn't chip in?
Unbelievable. Except I once had a boyfriend like this so I know such people exist. He's an ex for good reason.

HecateAntaia · 10/02/2017 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneWithTheForce · 10/02/2017 13:10

so I went to bed without supper

Really? You couldn't have had toast, fruit, cereal, a sandwich, a tin of soup? There was nothing you could have eaten? Why is there no food in your house? If it's lack of money why the hell is he ordering takeaway?

SleepingBooty · 10/02/2017 13:11

He gets pocket money Shock. If you are struggling to make ends meet he will need to increase his income.

OneWithTheForce · 10/02/2017 13:13

Or reduce his spending! Like a childminder and takeaways!

BarbaraofSeville · 10/02/2017 13:14

Is he one of those men where if a cooked meal doesn't magically appear in front of him at the appropriate time, his automatic response is to order takeaway?

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2017 13:17

My response would be "Are you fucking KIDDING?"

Is there any point to this man? He's like a child, isn't he, expecting mum and dad to pay for things? And now you're his mum, paying for everything, working long hours so that he can sit on his bum all day. Why are you putting up with this?

Pinbasket · 10/02/2017 13:19

It sounds like you're married to a child! Tell him you never intended to sign up for this sort of arrangement and that there has to be a fundamental change of attitude from him, and in the household arrangements. Immediately. He's taking the piss!

EmGee · 10/02/2017 13:21

His parents pay to offset his car costs and pay for his expensive hobby?!???
How old is this man child?

EurusHolmesViolin · 10/02/2017 13:25

There are people who make a lot of money from blogging, it can be a paid gig sometimes, but this DH apparently isn't one of them.

Was there nothing in to eat at all OP? I'd have been hopping if so.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 10/02/2017 13:28

Can you bear to be intimate with a man who is supported by his wife and parents, who is so monumentally selfish and childish? Shuddering at the thought! He sounds like a deeply unattractive drain.

Alaia5 · 10/02/2017 13:28

What kind of man and father gets pocket money from his parents Shock ???

FinnMcCool · 10/02/2017 13:29

Stand up for yourself. Stop the childminder.
He stays at home, does the housework and looks after the kids.

Not sits on his arse all day looking for ways to spend money you dont have.

empirerecordsrocked · 10/02/2017 13:30

Pocket money?! Not for his family but his hobby?

SasBel · 10/02/2017 13:32

Sounds awful! In a side note, my cousin started vlogging in November and paid his rent with the advertising income this month. So you can make money.
Does your partner look after you at all? My DH would have prepared food for me or saved some takeaway if I was going to be home late.

Iflyaway · 10/02/2017 13:32

Can't believe he didn't think to order food for you too knowing you would be home late, or at the very least share his with you. Hmm

He sounds totally selfish, in every which way.

harderandharder2breathe · 10/02/2017 13:33

I could never be with someone who still got pocket money from their parents. That's just ridiculous

If he's unemployed he should be looking after the children so you don't have childcare costs, then he's contributing to the household

Floggingmolly · 10/02/2017 13:33

More fool you paying for a childminder while he sits on his arse blogging
Confused about the "didn't know what I was getting myself into" re. wedding, though.
You have two children together so have clearly been together quite a while prior to getting married?