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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with my husband over a financial issue?

99 replies

MotherKat · 10/02/2017 12:54

Background, I work full time, my husband is nominally freelance (he writes occasional paid articles but mostly blogs) I pay all the bills, his parents give him money to offset the car and his hobbies.
He was made unemployed just before we got married (literally the week before which is why I didn't know what I was getting into) which is why our finances are not fully joined, we have 2 children and I have another from a previous marriage.
I told him when travelling back from working away last night that I could not afford takeaway for when I got home, he had eaten with the children after they got home from the childminder but had also ordered himself takeaway, so I went to bed without supper (I got in at 11 and had to be up for work at 5:30) he has today tagged me in a post about a very expensive item for our shared hobby, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by his fiscal irresponsibility and obliviousness?

OP posts:
honeylulu · 10/02/2017 13:35

I think he only lost his job a week before the wedding if I understand correctly.

Chloe84 · 10/02/2017 13:35

I can't understand a man or woman eating their dinner and not making sure their partner has something to eat when they come in, especially at 11pm.

fusspot66 · 10/02/2017 13:37

Goodness No! Don't let him be a SAHD. He'll sting you for maintenence and childcare and you'll have him titting about as a 'writer' forever.

OneWithTheForce · 10/02/2017 13:39

Agree chloe. There is always food left from a takeaway. He should have either ordered for we or set aside a plate from each of their dishes.

OneWithTheForce · 10/02/2017 13:40

FOr her

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 10/02/2017 13:42

So he sends all Day pissing around writing blogs
His parents give him pocket money
Despite him being unemployed he doesn't look after his own children, you still have to pay a childminder!

I rarely say this on here but after reading your OP, why are you with him? What does he do for you and your dc?

Ellisandra · 10/02/2017 13:53

My fiancé wouldn't save me food when he knows I'm getting in that late - because it's unlikely I'd want to eat.

He'd damn well make sure there wa something in the house for me just in case though!

Don't think I could respect a man who accepts pocket money Confused

Ellisandra · 10/02/2017 13:54

Is his blog "how to have a piss easy life pretending to be a creative social media type whilst your wife slaves her arse off?"

Tbf, there'll be a market for arseholes wanting them eggs. Hmm

pipsqueak25 · 10/02/2017 14:01

what's your take on these responses op ? he sounds like a selfish big kid tbh,

happypoobum · 10/02/2017 14:01

Yuck! Manchild!

To be honest, as he doesn't even look after the children despite being unemployed, he's a gold plated cocklodger.

I mean this kindly OP, but do you have a history of low self esteem/abusive parents? Why are you putting up with this utter shit?

P1nkP0ppy · 10/02/2017 14:04

Sounds like a thoughtless, selfish leech to me. Highly unattractive traits.

BarbarianMum · 10/02/2017 14:04

Wtf are you paying a childminder when a) your husband is unemployed and b) you can't afford to eat?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 10/02/2017 14:08

Is he applying for jobs, or does he think the status quo is acceptable?

I couldn't live like that. He needs to grow up. Why are you paying for a childminder if he's unemployed?

Spacecadet14 · 10/02/2017 14:10

Are your DC school age? Because the whole point of being a freelance writer is that you can do flexible hours and work around school pick-ups and drop-offs, thus negating the need for a childminder to do wraparound care. If your DH is telling you that he needs all that spare time to write blogs, he's taking the p*ss, and I say that as someone who does a similar line of work.

MrsMeeseeks · 10/02/2017 14:11

He sounds like an absolute bell end.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 10/02/2017 14:13

writing blogs is a hobby, if you can't afford to eat and he's only coping by taking handouts from his parents, you can't afford hobbies that require paid for babysitting.

Time for a proper conversation about what he's doing with his life. He needs to contribute something to the family, if it's not money, he has to do the childcare. If he wants to live like he has no responsibilities he can leave.

ENormaSnob · 10/02/2017 14:16

Eurggghhh...do you shag this loser?

MuseumOfCurry · 10/02/2017 14:19

Good grief. Is he really good in bed? Confused

Beeziekn33ze · 10/02/2017 14:22

Why didn't you ask to share his takeaway? He doesn't sound very considerate!!

bloodyteenagers · 10/02/2017 14:23

Don't stop the childcare. He will take you to the cleaners for support in raising the children. If a 'man' can still convince his parents to give him pocket money, getting you to support him will be even easier.

Sorry but I couldn't be with such a selfish cock lodger. Either he would go or I would be gone with the kids.

blueskyinmarch · 10/02/2017 14:24

You are so NBU. If he isn’t earning money then surely he looks after the children? Why are you paying for a Childminder? He needs to get himself a proper paying job.

Eliza9917 · 10/02/2017 14:32

When he ordered his takeaway, why didn't he order enough for you? Or wait for you to get back so he could eat with you?

VirgilsStaff · 10/02/2017 14:46

What's the MN word: "cocklodger"?

NotACompleterFinis · 10/02/2017 14:57

Speechless😮

barinatxe · 10/02/2017 15:06

Have you explained to him how his lack of financial contribution and general irresponsibility is making you feel?

While to most of us it is blindingly obvious, some people really do need to have this sort of thing pointed out to them. It sounds like he has been indulged by his parents his whole life, that he is the "struggling artist" and they are his patrons. If he has lived his whole life not worrying about money then he might not realise that it doesn't grow on trees, he might be oblivious to the contribution you make.

He might well turn out to be lazy and selfish, but give him the chance to grow up. To do this he must be made very clear of the problem.