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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think breast milk after 12 months is very beneficial?

160 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 10/02/2017 12:17

Dd is nearly 14 months and I'm starting to feel like I'm going to have to stop giving her breast milk soon for my own sake. I spoke to my dr about it and she said that really all the benefits would have happened by now.

I just feel selfish stopping something which may benefit dd for my own sake. But does it make much difference now? Does it ever make much difference in reality?

OP posts:
Kookypants · 10/02/2017 20:33

You've done amazingly well expressing for so long. I only managed it for a few weeks before my boobs gave up with dd1 who couldn't bf. Dd2 however bf till 4, and was gutted when boobs stopped working. I think you're amaaazing OP.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 10/02/2017 20:37

My 14mo only has milk before bed now, he's more interested in food in the day

Lostmyunicorn · 10/02/2017 21:12

I bf my elder to 12 months (when he gave up spontaneously) and my younger to 2 and a half. The little one especially still has a significant bond to the boob. But hand on heart, BF, once we got over the first glitches, was easy. I couldn't have expressed for a year. Enormous credit to you OP, you should be very proud of yourself for keeping on expressing that long. If it feels now that the balance of time / effort involved is such that you can't get anything else done then it may be time to stop. It's your decision. Do what's best for you.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 10/02/2017 21:16

That's what's so hard. What's best for me is to stop but I'm not sure what's best for my daughter.

OP posts:
DontFundHate · 10/02/2017 21:21

Breastmilk is always best. But 6 x a day? Many people who breastfeed "directly" (sorry not sure what correct term is?) feed less often by 14 months. Say 3 x a day? Like I said, I feed my 2yo but you have to do what's best for you too. I'm currently trying to get her consistently down to 2x a day

Kookypants · 10/02/2017 21:23

Then stop, you can without any detrimental effect to your child. Happy mum is best for your daughter.

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/02/2017 21:25

My DS1 self weaned at 16 months, and for a while before that we were just doing one evening feed. I think there's a middle ground of cutting down the amounts of expressing rather than totally stopping. Then you can see if you want to carry on with say 1 or 2 expressing sessions a day, rather than 6.

AyeAmarok · 10/02/2017 21:29

Since you are bottle-feeding breastmilk, rather than breastfeeding, then the comforting and soothing benefits apply here.

So it's really just the nutritional benefits, which as others say, can be replicated with a good diet.

The immunity benefits are also diminished significantly by this stage, so on balance, I think the downsides to you not being able to get more than 4 hours sleep and feeling chained to your house because of your (absolutely heroic!) expressing routine is probably going to outweigh the benefits of breastmilk.

I would agree with MrsH that you actively weaning DC off breastmilk (rather than DC doing it themselves) is probably what is making this a bigger issue in your head than it ought to be. You've done amazingly well, maybe it's time to let yourself sleep for a night without an alarm and just see what happens. Flowers

AyeAmarok · 10/02/2017 21:29

Comfort and soothing benefits don't apply here.

Missed a word.

sonlypuppyfat · 10/02/2017 21:31

I fed all mine until they were 3 we all loved it, and my children are rarely poorly. But that could be just one of those things

anonbecauseiwanna · 10/02/2017 22:23

Op its best for your daughter to not have an exhausted mum that can't go out for the day and explore places etc.
Give yourself permission to stop.

minifingerz · 10/02/2017 22:34

If you're a young, healthy woman and find breastfeeding so exhausting you can't function in any sort of normal way you are probably severely anaemic - go get your blood checked!

teaandakitkat · 10/02/2017 22:42

Aww making the decision to stop for the last time is really emotional. I still feel a bit sad when I think about it.
I think the health benefits at this age are negligible tbh.
You should drop the night expressing now. Stop for a few nights and see how you feel. If it doesn't feel right you can always start again.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 10/02/2017 22:42

I agree with anon. You don't need to martyr yourself for the good of the child - she's not going to give any sort of a shit about it, not now and not ever.

I'm not saying that to be harsh (although I know it sounds it) I'm saying it because it's true! You're considering continuing because there's an absolutely miniscule possibility it's 'better' for her. So long as she has a varied and balanced diet, there is no nutritional benefit. There's not even any emotional benefit as you could give her strawberry milkshake in a bottle and feed it to her and she'd love you just the same.

Cut yourself some slack. You're allowed to put your wellbeing above that of child when the impact to them is nil and it's so positive for you Flowers

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 10/02/2017 22:42

I'm tired because I haven't slept for longer than three and a half hours in any stretch for 14 months and because I'm up for about an hour during the night - at 2am and 6am.

I just am finding it so hard to draw a line under it. I think when I do stop I will wonder why on earth I was so stressed about it. I only managed to feed ds for about five months and I know it felt a huge issue at the time but now he's 7 I never even think about how long he was breastfed for.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 10/02/2017 22:45

Just drop the night expressing, I'm sure your supply will able to cope. Or at least the 2am one.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 10/02/2017 22:50

I think I'd drop an expressing session each week so you're reducing supply gradually. So stop the night one first then next week drop another. Once you're down to one or two sessions per day then consider whether you want to continue or stop completely. You've done an amazing job for your baby but I think you need to look after yourself now. I stopped bfing around 14/15 months with both my two but they were only having a couple of feeds a day and were well ready to stop.

littledinaco · 10/02/2017 22:51

You definitely don't have to express at night to keep up your supply. Why don't you stop the night expressing first and then see how you feel.
Well done for expressing for this long.

teaandakitkat · 10/02/2017 22:51

Drop the 2am session. Honestly, it's ok. Just drop that one, just for a week, then reconsider.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 10/02/2017 23:06

I recognise you from previous posts OP (and because my DD is just a month younger than yours). I agree with dropping the night feeds and perhaps try a bit of formula to see if you DD will take it in order to move towards mixed feeds if she wants more milk?
How is your anxiety towards your DD's health? Are you managing to go out to some baby groups?
I have just started this week to go to baby groups with DD (13 months) as she wants to see/explore/interact more.

SalemSaberhagen · 10/02/2017 23:10

mini you do realise she is exclusively expressing, don't you? It isn't just breastfeeding.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 10/02/2017 23:18

I'm 8 months in at expressing. Congratulations on going for as long. I echo past comments that you should stop if you want to. Your happiness is an important factor in your child's happiness too.

I don't think you should need to express that often at this stage though. Are you drinking and eating enough? I notice my supply significantly drops if I drink less than 3 litres a day or if I don't eat enough (at 6 months I worked out that dd daily milk burnt 700 calories. The Kelly mom website has loads on this topic). Also sleep has an impact. Drop a session and see if it makes any difference. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision. For reference I do 3 sessions a day if that helps. Much easier to fit in around "normal" life than a few months ago when I did 4 or 5.

Again I repeat please stop with no guilt of you want to though.

hesaka · 10/02/2017 23:33

Regarding maintaining supply while dropping expressing sessions - I expressed all milk with firstborn (until 8 months old) and now with my second child (currently 4 months old) and both times managed to reduce the number of sessions but maintain same supply. With this baby I produce 800-900ml a day but in two sessions, one when I get up before school run (400-450ml) and same again between dinner and bed. I was doing 3-4 hour intervals initially overy 24 hours, as your are. Then i cut the middle-of-night one out after about 6 weeks. Then gradually as I got busier the intervals in daytime got longer and longer (5 hours, then 6 and so on) but I noticed supply wasn't affected, I just got more milk at the times I did pump. I've been doing the 2 sessions a day now for over a month and still producing same quantity. Obviously I have no idea if this will be same for others and so little info out there for people exclusively expressing. But maybe you could try dropping the night one first and see what happens?

FFTransform · 11/02/2017 05:16

It's hard to make logical decision when tired

At this age it is more important to have an engaged relaxed mum rather than some breast milk - as a pp says, apart from 3rd world countries it is very hard to split the benefits of breast feeding from other factors (saying this a someone who loved breast feeding)

You sound very anxious- I hope the responses have helped Smile

SuperSheepdog · 11/02/2017 06:35

Drop the night time expressing OP! You can continue expressing first thing in the morning and during the day.

There are benefits to bf at this age, immunity, iq and your health (reduced risk of some cancers) but being exhausted must be much worse!

I still bf my 18 month old but co sleeping and so if she wants a feed I don't wake, you are amazing for all your commitment and your dd will be fine if you stop night expressing Flowers

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