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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try and put a positive spin on periods for DD?

115 replies

cingolimama · 09/02/2017 08:39

DD recently started her periods. They are completely normal, with accompanying cramps and moodiness. I've always been very straightforward about bodily stuff, including sex, and don't want her to feel any shame about periods (I remember my mother lowering her voice to a whisper whenever she discussed what she described as "the curse").

But my daughter is appalled at this - finds the blood icky and vaguely disgusting. "Why?!!!" "Why?!!!" she wails. Tbh, she has a point. I've tried doing the "miracle of womanhood" thing, then went for "this is part of our amazing bodies".

Should I just admit to her that actually, periods are a monumental pain in the ass that last for a good 40 years? AIBU for even trying to put a positive spin on periods? Have any of you wise MNers succesfully navigated these waters?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 09/02/2017 13:52

I don't find any positives in them and never did. Particularly now as I am nearing the menopause ( must be surely, at age 50) and my child bearing years are well and truly behind me.

I talked to my DDs about them as a fact of life. They accept them as such and aren't scared of them. That doesn't mean that they don't find them a total PITA though. Each of them has at some point come out saying that they think men have the better end of the deal.

Housewife2010 · 09/02/2017 14:19

Not everyone gets period pain or mood swings. I've never had any of that. I just have to have Tampax in my bag at certain times and that's it. Hoping my daughter will be the same.

Giddyaunt18 · 09/02/2017 14:42

I think it depends on her age. My DD was 16 so more than ready and just got on with it.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 09/02/2017 15:14

I get awful PMS that turns me into a bear with a sore head that lasts for a week and a half and bad cramping- not my first choice TBH. Periods are a fact of life, but it doesn't stop them sucking.

sashh · 09/02/2017 16:26

Not sure about the roommates thing, I know people say they synchronise but IRL no one mentions when they've got their period to their friends so I never knew if it happened with my housemates, let alone hanging out together in dressing gowns etc.

I went to an all girls school. RC, run by nuns, no one would dare take the pill even to control vomiting.

600 females with PMT is not fun.

hutchblue · 09/02/2017 16:30

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Eliza9917 · 09/02/2017 16:37

Or that it means everything is working tickityboo there for when she's older and if she wants children of her own? I can't remember who it was that said that's how they were sold the idea of it all?

I wouldn't tell anyone this. Just bc you have periods doesn't mean everything will be fine re: fertility.

Alyosha · 09/02/2017 16:48

My mum tried this with me. I felt very alone as my mum seemed to love her periods and I hated mine with a passion!

Get her on the pill (if she wants to do that). I went on it at 21 and wish I had gone on it much earlier. Now my periods are predictable & light. Great stuff.

specialsubject · 09/02/2017 16:48

you have to wipe your arse when you defecate. She copes with that, I hope? Blood is no worse.

Periods are a nuisance, so are breasts. Take 2017 measures to minimise the nuisance because the human body isn't designed perfectly. That's evolution for you.

minipie · 09/02/2017 17:04

The human body isn't designed perfectly. That's evolution for you.

Yes exactly. You could point out that the alternatives are things like laying an egg every day (chickens) or going on heat (dogs and cats) none of which are ideal systems either.

And you could (perhaps should) point out that the male reproductive system has its pitfalls too - wet dreams, getting a hard on in embarrassing circumstances, impotence, etc.

Topseyt · 09/02/2017 17:14

Minions, true, but in a way I do envy dogs and cats because they mostly only come on heat twice a year. Not every month.

Would that my periods were just twice a year.

walruswhiskers · 09/02/2017 17:49

What I did say to my girls when we first talked about it was this: if you had never ever had a poo and then when you were 12, you suddenly started having a poo for a few days every month you would find it much more unpleasant than you do having had one every day all your life.

Wickedstepmum67 · 09/02/2017 19:37

Hugs to you and DD, OP. My own dear mum greeted 'the event' with the memorable words: 'oh, that'll happen once a month now. Er, don't wear white.' Other than that not much of anything good or bad was said at home. In school we had the cringe-worthy official talk from the nurse (sponsored by sanitary towel manufacturer, natch) in which I remember being given the confusing impression that menstruation conferred the ability to ice skate - the girl pictured in the leaflets was always ice skating - and now, lo, we were on our journey to motherhood, possibly on skates? Anyhow, I had always known I didn't want children so was not cheered at the advent of my fertile life. Later, when I suffered really miserable PMS (name a symptom, I had it) I was told by all and sundry it was normal, to just suck it up and hope having a baby sorted it out. If I could give one piece of advice to your DD or any young woman, it would be this: if you feel terrible because of your periods, that is not normal. See someone and shout loudly until you get help. I eventually worked out that changes in diet and taking the combined pill really helped in my case, but I had to figure it out alone. Sure, adolescence is not fun, adding menarche into the mix is likely to mean added moodiness, but severe pain or any symptoms that make life miserable, should be treated. Sorry, bit of a sermon there.

murmuration · 09/02/2017 19:59

but in a way I do envy dogs and cats because they mostly only come on heat twice a year. Not every month

Imagine what it would be like if women came into 'heat' twice a year :) There'd be all sorts of social things around it, wouldn't there? But maybe not so much angst about sex because anyone could have it without worry of pregnancy except during a heat period. Would it be seasonal, or all women together? Like some kind of "baby making season"?

MagicMoments22 · 09/02/2017 20:26

Decent hot water bottle chocolate and funny movie. That's how I hit through my first proper period cramps and all.

Save Carrie for later on 😏

Clnz4fun · 09/02/2017 20:28

Off topic but cats come in heat sporadically and all the time, had an un-neutered cat to testify. 1 week on two weeks or less off, poor creature and got her neutured asap as she drove us up the wall.

Periods are shot no point pretending they aren't but it's better to teach her to accept it as a part of life, if you want to put a positive on it then going with her body is healthy and working as it should be and she is growing into a woman.
Best thing to do is to make sure she is armed and ready for it.

I had my first period at 9 with understandably no prep from my dm at the time but then she continued to not acknowledge it or prep me for the next time which was when I was in the first year of high school in science class. Doesn't make for a close relationship.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2017 21:56

The positive?
I suppose it shows your DD is growing up and everything is working as it should be. It would be more of a worry if she didn't go through puberty.
Then, for me, the beginning of a period is at least the end of PMT and my mood usually starts to lift. The pain can usually be controlled with ibuprofen.

Having said that, there are ways to avoid having them at all these days and I don't think they're compulsory really.

Greyponcho · 10/02/2017 00:02

Not RTFT, but surely there'll be a day where she gets a period and think "thank #^}*# I'm not pregnant!".

Best not mention that now though... maybe just say it's her body's way of saying she's growing up and that boys her age need to do some catching up!

But as others have said, if it's more painful than can be fixed with paracetamol, that's not normal.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 10/02/2017 00:07

I think you can just encourage her not to be ashamed or embarrassed about them.

When my brother was making a show of periods being disgusting once, my mum told him that 'we were all almost a period'. I only now appreciate how funny that was.

morningconstitutional2017 · 10/02/2017 00:12

My mum gave sis and I (we were around 11) a leaflet from Family Circle magazine called something like How Little Girls Grow Up which explained it and said to ask her any questions afterwards. I'd already been told about it by my best friend at school but didn't let on.
Then I started at 12 in the school library and walked home for lunch and my legs ached so much as though I'd been in a marathon. Mum gave me one of those horrible big thick Dr White's towels with a belt.

It felt like I'd got a pillow between my legs.
A teacher said that we shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed about them as they meant that our bodies were working properly and that we could have babies. Yeah, great as if that makes us feel better.

I must have taken a truck-load of painkillers over the last 40 years and I can tell you something that is positive without any spin - the menopause is fucking great. Yes, goodbye to stomach cramps and migraine.

seventhgonickname · 10/02/2017 01:39

Prepared my dd with a sparkly diddy bag and the liletts teen starter bag when she started to develope,she started to in yr 6 .She learnt very early and easily dealing with the practical side though I had to talk to the teachers as despite the evidence some primary school seem to close their eyes and hope it will go away.
I have never hidden that I have periods from her and as I am now perimenopausal she has a good idea of what is to come(glad some of you are happy with the change but megafloodong AND hot flushes seem a bit harsh).However,having had a rough time all the way through she is reassured that if she finds it tough I will be helping her sort it out.She thinks the add for tampons are tosh,who feels like running about when the sofa,hot water bottle , painkillers and chocolate are what is needed.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/02/2017 07:39

I don't agree with those mentioning paracetamol - it' ibuprofen you need for period pain.

Original poster
cingolimama · 10/02/2017 07:46

Thank you all for your experiences, comments and suggestions. Much appreciated!

OP posts:
KitKats28 · 10/02/2017 09:04

I'm amazed by how much period discussion goes on. When DD started she said "I've started my period, now let's never talk about it again thanks".

It wouldn't even occur to me to wax lyrical about it. It's not shameful or a secret, but we don't hang out discussing peeing and shitting, so why would we discuss menstruation?

myfavouritecolourispurple · 10/02/2017 09:08

I can't see any positives. We can control other bodily functions to an extent, barring illness/disability/injury - it is so frankly ridiculous that we just have blood trickle out of us that we can't control the flow of.

If you have an easy 3 day period with no pain it's not too much of an issue. But the majority have pain or hormonal issues or heavy flow where you're worried about making a mess. Mine last ages and I have a couple of days when they're really heavy. But I don't get pain and rest of the week/10 days is light and no problem. Those two days are a bit of an issue though.

What's not to dislike :(

Sorry not to be more positive.

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