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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to try and put a positive spin on periods for DD?

115 replies

cingolimama · 09/02/2017 08:39

DD recently started her periods. They are completely normal, with accompanying cramps and moodiness. I've always been very straightforward about bodily stuff, including sex, and don't want her to feel any shame about periods (I remember my mother lowering her voice to a whisper whenever she discussed what she described as "the curse").

But my daughter is appalled at this - finds the blood icky and vaguely disgusting. "Why?!!!" "Why?!!!" she wails. Tbh, she has a point. I've tried doing the "miracle of womanhood" thing, then went for "this is part of our amazing bodies".

Should I just admit to her that actually, periods are a monumental pain in the ass that last for a good 40 years? AIBU for even trying to put a positive spin on periods? Have any of you wise MNers succesfully navigated these waters?

OP posts:

Bluebellevergreen · 09/02/2017 12:10

I wouldnt pretend. But I wouldn't call it the curse either.
Growing up my mother didnt handle it well at all and it was like a secret.
But I wouldnt try to make it positive.

Just the truth. You are stuck with them and the only thing you can do is find a product that works for you. She will get used to them.

I suffer from severy PMS and I think someone making it "positive" wpuld make more harm that good. My PMS brought suicidal thoughts as a teenager so definitely not up for "the miracle of life speech"

Monkeypuzzle32 · 09/02/2017 12:10

Having periods does not guarantee you can have kids so please don't use that as a positive spin!
I can't think of a positive at all-messy, painful, expensive, sore boobs, back, stomach etc etc then all for nothing in my case!

Sorry

Bluebellevergreen · 09/02/2017 12:13

monkeypuzzle is quite right.
Plus not everyone wants kids so lets not put expectations on a young woman

limitedperiodonly · 09/02/2017 12:15

You both sound rather melodramatic. Periods are just a thing.

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2017 12:18

You could try telling her that it is a healthy sign to get your periods if you want to have a family when you grow up.

There are lots of these sorts of comments. Unfortunately it really isn't true. Many people with explained infertility have regular, normal periods. Pretending that getting pregnant is easy and will just happen if you have periods is setting some people up for disappointment.

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2017 12:19

Sorry, just missed the final page of the thread and realised I've said exactly the same as monkey.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/02/2017 12:21

I think the sad fact of it is is that there's nothing positive whatsoever

well.... its means that we and we only are the sex that can carry babies! that's pretty fantastic. no?

she is a tad too young to discuss infertility and that pit of pain just yet....

PeaceOfWildThings · 09/02/2017 12:25

My DD sent me these pics today! :)

AIBU to try and put a positive spin on periods for DD?

FreezerBird · 09/02/2017 12:25

I think remembering it's different for everyone is important. My mum never talked to me at all about cramping, bloating, pms or anything because she never had any of it - her periods were a total walk in the park, so I felt I was being a bit pathetic when just wanted a hot water bottle and bed. Learning that lots of women find them difficult was really important and made me feel less rubbish.

Mind you, dm was through the menopause by the time my periods start so it's entirely possible she'd forgotten the bad stuff - she has form for that sort of thing.

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2017 12:26

she is a tad too young to discuss infertility and that pit of pain just yet....

Well yes, obviously but why say something that isn't true? Having periods doesn't mean everything's working and you can have children. Having periods just means you have periods.

It's a normal part of being a woman. That's what I would say.

hollinhurst84 · 09/02/2017 12:30

Subscription box? I get the adult one!
https://www.betty.me/subscription/

BarbarianMum · 09/02/2017 12:32

Having periods doesn't mean that you can get pregnant but having none is a pretty good guarantee that you can't.

Bluebellevergreen · 09/02/2017 12:33

its means that we and we only are the sex that can carry babies! that's pretty fantastic. no?
Well... not all of us can carry babies and not all of is thinks it's fantastic to carry them or make that our life's aim, so probably nope, I wouldnt be saying that.

A trip to 1950s maybe?

deblet · 09/02/2017 12:34

I told my DD 12 when she started last year that they were not fun, could in the most part be coped with and when she was older she could have a mirena coil to get rid of them. I took a practical approach because lets face it there is no positives to them.

Chinnygirl · 09/02/2017 12:34

I'm the one who made the comment that periods are important if you want a family. I am also batteling infertility and having treatments.

Try being fertile without having ever any periods at all like my cousin. That was impossible.

I said it's important. I do acknowledge that is is not a guarantee.

havalina1 · 09/02/2017 12:44

I'm COMPLETELY in the minority but I don't find periods a pain at all - physically yes - but I've always found it a relief in a weird way, like my body is self cleansing. I never feel 'cleaner' than just after a period. As if it's a fresh start :) I don't know, like i said, minority...

(and I get wildly painful periods and have had many days off work due to them and god knows how many nurofen plus tablets I've eaten and hot water bottles I've embraced).

frazzled3ds · 09/02/2017 12:45

Go easy on the 'mirena stops your periods' thing - doesn't always have that effect (sure didn't for me!)

She'll be fine - it's just one of those annoying facts of life!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/02/2017 13:00

When my first period arrived my mum made a special supper and my dad, who's a doctor, made a little speech to my DBs about the wonders of nature and how I was now a woman (I'm the eldest). I was a bit embarrassed initially but it was pretty cool.

Cel982 · 09/02/2017 13:05

God, I didn't realise I was in such a minority here, but I never saw my periods as something negative. My friends and I couldn't WAIT to start when we were 11/12 (Judy Blume kids here too ). The annoyance of cramps and leaks in the early days was more than made up for by the feeling of 'grown-up-ness'.

Obviously some people suffer more than the average with pain and PMS symptoms, but I certainly wouldn't put periods in the category of 'things that are a monumental pain in the ass'...

RiversrunWoodville · 09/02/2017 13:08

Positives are crisps, pringles, chocolate, wine (oh wait not for your dd yet sorry!) crisps and chocolate. Oh and crisps. Can you guess what fucking time it is for me oh yes it's pms time . DH and dcs currently busying themselves elsewhere occasionally throwing food parcels

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/02/2017 13:10

They are a monumental pain in the ass for DD who is a very keen club swimmer.

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 09/02/2017 13:13

Oh but they are a joyous thing! All the ads on TV tell me I can go riding on a horse down a deserted beach wearing snowy white clothing that blows merrily in the breeze, completely footloose and fancy free! Narry a leak or a cramp to be seen!

In all seriousness though, just normalise them for her. Not all doom and gloom or she'll be pertified, not snowy white/beach combo either. Practical-yes it happens every month until around xyz age, yes you can get a bit sore and out if sorts but there is help for that. Teach some gentle exercises for cramps, maybe buy a special hot water bottle, offer pain killers if needed and watch for the hormone induced outbursts!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/02/2017 13:15

I liked mine. Before I took hormonal contraception I used to get mine every 4th Saturday between 11 and 12 o'clock. That regular. I used to get terrible period pains, plus diarrhoea and nausea, for the first two days, but like other posters I used to feel all "cleared out" afterwards. I felt like a moon goddess.

Major plus was that while I didn't get PMS I did get extraordinarily horny in the days before a period. My DH said my cycle was an open book to him.

I've had a Mirena (well, I'm on my third now) for such a long time that I suspect I'm through the menopause now. Haven't had a period for many years.

EmeraldScorn · 09/02/2017 13:18

I really can't find any positives about monthly periods; I started mine at 11 and I hate it as much now as I did then, two decades later!

I would just tell her "That's life" and leave it at that; A hot water bottle and chocolate will maybe lessen the blow slightly but that's the best of it in the short term until she gets to the age where child bearing is relevant!

PenguinDi · 09/02/2017 13:29

I'm putting together a bag for my DSD for when she starts her periods. My mum gave me cuddles and let me cry about it but was firm saying it like it is "you've got 40 years of this unfortunately hunny, sorry about that". My dad had heard about the parties they have in America and asked if I wanted one!!

I think when DSD starts I will tell her the truth, that yes you'll bleed every month and yes it's a bitch but there's nothing you can do about it at the minute. I will let her know about the menstrual cups and to use an app to keep track of her cycle so she's not caught out.

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