AIBU to try and put a positive spin on periods for DD?

[cingolimama]

DD recently started her periods. They are completely normal, with accompanying cramps and moodiness. I've always been very straightforward about bodily stuff, including sex, and don't want her to feel any shame about periods (I remember my mother lowering her voice to a whisper whenever she discussed what she described as "the curse").

But my daughter is appalled at this - finds the blood icky and vaguely disgusting. "Why?!!!" "Why?!!!" she wails. Tbh, she has a point. I've tried doing the "miracle of womanhood" thing, then went for "this is part of our amazing bodies".

Should I just admit to her that actually, periods are a monumental pain in the ass that last for a good 40 years? AIBU for even trying to put a positive spin on periods? Have any of you wise MNers succesfully navigated these waters?

My mum didn't go on about it in cheesy terms and was very helpful/matter of fact, emphasising that all women have them and all my friends have/will.. that approach really helped me accept it and feel normal.

Does she like thinking about why stuff is? This article could be useful. Although it might make her depressed to see that she'll expect to have 300-500 cycles!

I must say I am just thrilled, in my 40s, to have found birth control that stops my periods. Totally would have done this before if I knew about it.

Really curious to know what positive things there are to say about periods. 'It's only for a week every month/but all women go through it' are not positive, they're conciliatory. Plus the ability to replicate my shitty genetics is a very very negative thing, along with cramps that make my legs give way, and disgusting clots-nah, you're alright.

Actually I might talk to Dd1 about the pill. Thanks to this thread.

I wouldn't bullshit about it - what's the point?

We've gone the matter of fact/normal route. There is no way I was going to make out it's an amazing experience when it really isn't. There is nothing positive for DD at the moment in the way of preparing to have babies either as she's always been adamant she doesn't want any. I'm not going to share the worst of my experiences either as she may well not get the same, just taking it one step at a time.

My daughter hates her periods. I'm totally with her, especially the week before her period comes, oh I really hate her periods then. Mother nature has been kind enough to give out warning signals though, once the zits appear duck and cover, then stay low for 5 days till the storm breaks. I have bought her some evening primrose so we'll see how that goes.

I have a Mirena coil. I haven't had a period in five years. Not only that, but it doesn't chemically castrate me like the pill did. I love my Mirena coil. I have no idea why everyone doesn't have one.

She's probably old enough to know you'd be lying.

Why don't you go for the Della-from-raised-by-wolves approach? She's with her daughter when one of her other daughters starts explaining about periods:

daughter, freaked out - I don't think I want to be a woman, mum.
Della - Nobody does, love, but the men are too chicken-shit to handle it, so here we are.

LatinForTelly I was thinking that too. It makes me chuckle!

Let's face it, having a period is only great if you thought you might be pregnant and didn't want to be.
Be honest that they such but that life carries on

My mum didn't discuss it as anything shameful, but she always referred to it as "being unwell " and talked about the pains and sickness she had each month "until I had kids..." So I did try to be positive about DD starting periods. In the end, she started so much later than her friends, that she was pleased and excited when it finally happened!

Sleep - me too. DD is put out that she can't have a Mirena like me.

Same here WhoKnows. I've told her they're for women who've had children. My best friend, who doesn't have children, has just got one fitted and now I've had to explain to daughter it's an age thing.

She can take control when she is older (if she wants to) by taking the mini pill. Get the right one for you and you have no periods. I thought it was brilliant! I also took it between children so it doesn't appear to affect fertility. Otherwise I am afraid periods are a PITA!

You could try telling her that it is a healthy sign to get your periods if you want to have a family when you grow up. But it really is annoying so maybe some acknowledgement might help as well as painkillers?

Periods are really useful when you first start having sex and don't want to be pregnant and are worried about condom efficiency.

Otherwise at best they're a bit shit.

My mum told me that periods showed everything was working and healthy. She did also acknowledge the downsides –she was most certainly not a 'miracle of womanhood' type!

When I was at school it got you out of having a shower after pe so was seen as a positive thing for that reason. I don't expect many girls have that gain now.

Lol at pp who said she'd only felt positive about her period when it meant she wasn't pregnant! Ha, me too. I was also raised on Judy Blume & so expected the arrival of my first period to herald a momentous event! Well, I guess it did, only it was shit.

I can only echo pp who say periods mean yer body is healthy. Great.

Oh! Maybe put on that song from pulp fiction on really loudly, "girl!!! (Doo do do dooooo!) you'all be a WOMANNNN soooon!" and the both of you can dance like mad cats to it. Might make her smile at least.

You can also tell her that if she ever has female roommates when she is older then she can look forward to their cycles synchronizing. Great cos you never run out of tampons & sympathy & all of you wanna hang out in your dressing gowns with hot water bottles at the same time...not so great when everyone in the house is batshit crazy with pmt

My periods were always horrific. Heavy and went on for nearly a week. I was never one of those lucky ones who had light spotting for two days

Turned out I was anemic. Once I tackled that - really tackled it - they're much shorter and more manageable. Plus drank a lot of water in the run up to my period. I think the bloating is your body trying to keep as much water for building up the womb lining. Drink more = less bloating.

So it might be worth looking at diet. And adding a gentle iron supplement like spatone. I usually just eat a lot of meat in the week before.

During my period I find exercise so much easier! That's the only upside.

Well periods can be a good thing. I don't find them a pain at all, they really don't bother me.

My friend sadly had cervical cancer in her mid 20s (before having children). Her treatment caused early menopause. I know she would love a period as it would mean at least a chance of children.

You don't have to put a spin on it if I'm honest, just leave her to it.

Not sure about the roommates thing, I know people say they synchronise but IRL no one mentions when they've got their period to their friends so I never knew if it happened with my housemates, let alone hanging out together in dressing gowns etc.

is there a 'positive spin?

My eldest got a cuddle, hot water bottle, lots of black pants, pads, paracetamol and baths run for her!

It's a pain in the arse having periods - why pretend otherwise?

I quite like having a period- it's like having a good clean out, rofl.

I talk positively about periods to my daughter - even if a teen doesn't want to have a baby now she may well feel that she'd like to in future, or at least that she'd like the option. Don't see the point of dwelling just on the pain and mess (although of course acknowledge them). Also don't want to give the message that very painful, heavy periods are just something you have to put up with- in many cases, this isn't true.