AIBU to want to be a midwife?

[jellypi3]

Bit of a weird one for AIBU.

I want to be a midwife. I have looked into it quite a lot, visited uni's, worked out my qualifications, chatted to midwives and come to the conclusion I want to do it.

DH thinks I am dreaming up a fantasy that all new mums have (DD is 12 months) and thinks I am setting myself up to fail.

I have seriously researched it to death. I know it's fecking hard to get on a course, I know it's a ridiculously hard job to do when you do qualify, and I know it's not all cuddling babies and talking to pregnant women. And I still want to do it.

AIBU and living in a fantasy world? I feel like I need a bit of a reality check before I start on my personal statement!

[SingingInTheRainstorm]

I do think that after having a baby Mum's get a dreamy feeling about midwifery. It's not all happy times, I think that's something you have to bear in mind.
If you are determined there's no harm in doing everything you can to achieve this. It's going to be a mix of Uni & placements. They get you going really quick, so you're ready for the first placement block. So it is fast paced.
To make yourself stand out to get to interview stage I would see if you have a SureStart centre nearby, maybe you could help with a group, under the supervision of others. Another thing would be to offer your services as a volunteer to help out Mum's that are struggling. Depending when you're thinking of applying, get this sorted ASAP, as the best applications have examples of when the person has selflessly given their time.

I say the above because you need certain traits to be a midwife, such as empathy, understanding, good listening skills, the ability to read body signals, good cognitive skills and the ability to act quick, autonomy, team working, tenacity, resilience, the importance of confidentiality, great communication / coaching skills to give your patient autonomy. (Basically given you keywords for your Personal Statement!)

There's various midwifery journals out there, subscribe to at least 2, ingest the contents, so at interview you can say I read about this and I found it interesting because. If you're really keen you could buy the Myers textbook.

You need to give a good balanced reason as to why this is your dream. So saying I had a baby and the care was amazing, it made me think I could do it, it something that is heard quite a bit. You need to be able to give key traits needed of a midwife, so empathy, ability to inform the patient and promote autonomy but with unbiased support. Plus some negatives, so an example could be, if a patient was classed as high risk and I was in contact with her a lot, if something happened to baby, whilst I know there's professional boundaries, at home it might have an impact.

Any way I can help, pop me a DM.

Best of luck 🍀

[SingingInTheRainstorm]

Personally I've just seen all the books that are trying to get your hard earned money as prep for application / interview. If you know someone at college ask if you can be really cheeky and borrow a couple of books as prep for what you're doing.
Myles is like the bible of midwifery, I think it's on its 16th edition which makes me feel old. Then look for the titles on Amazon that claim to help you and see if you can borrow it over buying it. Although at some point you will need to invest in the Myles midwifery book, it's massively thick.
If you have any health issues like the odd bad back think how that will affect you. It's maybe a bit preemptive, but get a test for HIV & Hep B&C. Ask if they're willing to give you the jab for Hep B, otherwise it's something you'll get through occ health anyway. Also think of your stamina, as you need to be on your feet a lot, so maybe take DC for a few long walks to gauge your fitness.

[3littlebadgers]

Do it Jelly! You sound like you have already given it a lot of thought and are prepared for the more challenging aspects.

I have suffered a full term still birth and a subsequent pregnancy which I am happy to be open about if you have any questions. My experience put me off applying but I think that was because the trauma was my own.

[thatsnotmyusername]

About half the people in my cohort had children, most some of them small like mine too. Also if you want to be a midwife don't apply for nursing too, they will reject your application. Good luck - it's a tough journey and it changes you xxxx

[Batteriesallgone]

I do NOT think childcare is the woman's responsibility.

I think both parents have a responsibility to adequately plan the future when they have a child.

Maybe the house belongs to her grandparents and that's why they all live together. In which case she could leave her partner and still have a relatively comfortable life on a low income, as housing costs are usually what eats money.

But maybe her, her child, and her grandparents are all reliant on him carrying on working full time paying the mortgage. With a partner who's stressed out of her mind and knackered and all plans for future children put on hold. Maybe that's not what he envisioned for his future and his family and would feel pretty taken for granted. It's difficult for midwives to take holiday so if the child gets ill, he'll be the one asking for parental leave even though his wage is the one that supports their lifestyle. Now as a qualified actuary I'd expect him to have a fair bit of leeway in terms of flexibility but as a trainee, well it depends how far along he is. What about when he takes his final exams? She won't be there to support and look after him, he won't be there to support her and look after her, during some of the most stressful and difficult times of their lives they'll be lonely and passing like ships in the night.

Intense careers have an impact on family life. It helps no one to minimise that.

[jellypi3]

Sorry, lots of replies again!

He's almost finished his studying, by the time i start he will be done. I think if he appreciated how serious i am about it he would be more suppprtive, hes is really supportive most of the time! We actually chatted about it last night but he wants us to have DC 2 before i apply. But doing it with 2 DC's seems a much bigger challenge lol.

Also i do drive so getting to and from placement isn't difficult. Childcare would be covered for the next few years with DD :)

Thanks all!

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

See I think wanting another dc might be a big sticking point. Iirc your little one is only a year at the moment? My dd had just turned 1 when I started my access course at college. She was quite a hard work baby and I was adamant I wouldn't want another until I was out of uni, qualified another year, etc etc.
...you know where this is going. By the time I started uni she was 2, much easier and more fun, and I became more and more desperate for another baby. I saw the age gap getting bigger and bigger and it wasn't what I wanted for my family.
I also think people have a point in saying that you need to consider yore DH's wishes. When we were discussing me dropping out, he basically said he was happy for me to drop out, have more kids etc, on the condition that I couldn't change my mind back again a year later and want to go back to uni with 2 kids in tow. I'd need to either be a SAHM or find a job that fitted in better with family life. Because he worked away so much, his thinking was that what was barely manageable with 1 would be basically impossible with 2, and would be unfair to the kids. Some people on here would no doubt cry patriarchal oppression, but actually I saw his point and agreed. When you have a child/children, for better or for worse, you have to think in the context of them and the wider family. There are plenty of things I'd like to do, that I don't do right now because it wouldn't be fair on my very small children.
Anyway OP, this isn't really relevant in your situation, getting distracted, sorry!

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

Yore = your, obviously

[NameChange30]

"Some people on here would no doubt cry patriarchal oppression"

Well the fact is that you sacrified your career for your children/family, and your husband didn't. Of course that was a choice you made and you weren't forced into it by your husband. I'm not here to judge other women for being "bad feminists" for the choices they make - our choices are informed by our circumstances and priorities. But you can't deny that patriarchy is a factor when it is more common for women to sacrifice their careers than men.

[GimmeeMoore]

Women don't need to cry patriarchal oppression,because it's omnipresent on mn in society
Peruse the gave up course/career threads to see it's women who forgo career/courses for men
There's a covert and overt expectation that the woman gives things up,for men,for family