AIBU to want to be a midwife?

[jellypi3]

Bit of a weird one for AIBU.

I want to be a midwife. I have looked into it quite a lot, visited uni's, worked out my qualifications, chatted to midwives and come to the conclusion I want to do it.

DH thinks I am dreaming up a fantasy that all new mums have (DD is 12 months) and thinks I am setting myself up to fail.

I have seriously researched it to death. I know it's fecking hard to get on a course, I know it's a ridiculously hard job to do when you do qualify, and I know it's not all cuddling babies and talking to pregnant women. And I still want to do it.

AIBU and living in a fantasy world? I feel like I need a bit of a reality check before I start on my personal statement!

[user892]

In other words, if they know you're not 100% committed to midwifery, it'll be a 'no'.

[PossumInAPearTree]

You won't do it without your dh being totally supportive. It is like doing a full time job and a degree at the same time. You are all day in uni or at the hospital then you come home and write assignments. I'd done a normal degree previously and still couldn't believe how hard it was. I barely watched TV, didn't read a novel, neglected the housework for three years.

[Batteriesallgone]

I think if I was your DH I'd be skeptical too. Lots of new mums say they want to be midwives / doulas / breastfeeding support workers. I've seen it with my peers and contemplated them all myself. Ultimately though, going back to your pre-kids profession is hard enough, let alone doing something new from scratch when you've still got a tiny in the house. And if you haven't completed your family are you going to be able to fit in more DC around the new career?

Also I doubt you'll earn much as a midwife. Are you wanting to take on an incredibly stressful and demanding full on job for less than you used to earn, never mind the fact that earning potential is a few years away? I can see why he'd take a dim view of that tbh.

[NameChange30]

I don't know anyone who suddenly decided they wanted to become a midwife or doula after having a baby (and I have lots of friends and family who have had babies in the last few years).

And there's more to a job than the salary! Of course it needs to be financially viable (factoring in commuting costs and childcare - but the latter should be shared between parents anyway) but there are more than just monetary rewards.

[ClarasZoo]

Jelly- if you already have a law degree can you get loans to study again? I would like to do more study but thought I don't qualify as I already have one degree...

[Ohyesiam]

How long have you wanted to be a mW jelly?

[Batteriesallgone]

Well I know several. Her DH might have encountered this before and seen it not come to anything, as I have.

And taking the position that it's not all about the finances when you've got a 12m old in the house is...well. I don't know what to say about that really. I don't know many families who could afford to take that position. Children needing food and clothes and all.

[NameChange30]

Did you even bother reading the part of my post when I said it should be financially viable, or are you just choosing to ignore it?!

Just because other people dropped out of midwifery doesn't mean the OP will.

Maybe her DH has sensible objections, maybe he doesn't. But the OP has said herself that he wants her to be SAHM and rolls his eyes whenever she brings it up. Not the attitude of someone who has seriously considered the pros and cons for the OP and family.

[user892]

if you already have a law degree can you get loans to study again?

Since bursaries were ditched for student nurses and midwives, those with previous degrees can access Student Loans funding, which works out to around £9K per year (depending on where you live) plus it also pays the annual course fees, leaving £65K to repay via your pay packet. They say it's about the cost of a coffee & cake once a month though, for newly qualified midwives.

[Batteriesallgone]

What does financially viable mean when you're currently relying on family for free childcare though? Does it mean any money makes it financially viable? Does it mean you still need to be able to afford childcare even though you may not need it?

Perhaps DH feels less confident about grandparents / his parents ability or desire to do that much free care for their child(ren) for the next...how many years? If she has the next child (says they want more) after qualifying, what gap is that? 3 years? So how long will they need to assume her grandparents can provide childcare for? What about if her grandparents health deteriorates and they need care? Is it financially viable then?

If my DH had wanted to do this when our first was 12m it almost certainly would have changed our family plans and reduced the number of child we have. That is the reality of huge life changes like this.

OP needs to dig down into her DHs resistance and find out what his objections are.

[user892]

ClarasZoo - here's the list of health professional courses you can get full Student Loans Co funding for, if you already have a degree:-

Pre-registration courses in:

nursing
dietetics
occupational therapy
orthoptics
orthotics and prosthetics
physiotherapy
podiatry/chiropody
diagnostic radiography
therapeutic radiography
speech and language therapy
operating department practice

[Bue]

Another midwife here. The pay seriously sucks (although it's considerably better if you do primarily unsocial hours, but then your life really suffers) and it's a terrible time to be a midwife (or anything really) in the NHS, but there still isn't another job I would rather do. I'm direct entry and I do have some sympathy for the position that a nursing background would be beneficial, particularly because of the more complex population of pregnant women now, however the nursing conversion course is being cut in a lot of places so I am not sure I would rely on that route without research into that route. I have to say I also know a couple of fairly mediocre midwives who come from a nursing background, so I'm not absolutely convinced.

As to midwifery being limiting, there are many roles within midwifery and people do move around. There are also other doors open to you - you can retrain as a health visitor, I know a midwife who works in a sexual health clinic (although this is not common) and I know a few who are lactation consultants and private tongue tie practitioners (this is a role that is only open to nurses, midwives, doctors and dentists). Then of course there's Clemmie Hooper, the 'instagram midwife' who has written a book that is all over the media at the moment (maddeningly irritating woman but she's certainly making a success of her new venture). Lots of midwives also teach private antenatal/yoga/aquanatal classes etc.

[jellypi3]

Sorry for the lack of reply!

I've been seriously considering it for about 3 year's now (around the time i joined MN and started ttc). I'm a member of the student midwife forum and fb page and have spoken to loads of people about it.

And yeh i can get funding in the form of a second loan, which i wont have to pay back until my first is paid off (i spoke to the student loan company a few months ago).

Regarding if its financially viable, my DH earns reasonably good money and can pretty much support us without me working (if i kick my baby clothes shopping habit - nobody told me it was so addictive!!). He's an actuary-to-be so his pay potential is much higher than mine.

As for if he would he a sahd, im sure he thinks its all costa coffee meet ups and eating cake

[HorridHenryrule]

I had the same midwife from 8:30am until I gave birth at 17:15. She still had to clean baby and help the other midwives in theatre to get me sorted out. She had no lunch or break until she finished her shift. I think she finished at 7 or 8pm. I can't remember. It must be a challenging but rewarding job.

[GimmeeMoore]

Why does he want you to be at home?kids go to school then what's really you meant to do?
How will you accommodate shift working,late/early and nights?
Travel to/from placement and uni,do you drive?
Will grandparents help out or you can get a cm?
What's your science skills like,there is anatomy,physiology in mw degree
Maybe do an ou module get into swing of studying again.
Look at mw chat forums see what current students discuss

[Batteriesallgone]

Actuary to be? As in, doing exams?

And you want to start an incredibly intensive course too?

When will you see each other?!

[GimmeeMoore]

Are you suggesting because her dp is doing a course means she can't?outrageous
Dp and I both did postgrads when we kids were little.its achievable
No way should op forgo her career cause her man has exams too,Gosh can't have a man getting inconvenienced can we

[mrsenasharples]

I have a friend who was a band 7 nurse in a different field. For a long time she wanted to be a midwife so took a band 5 job as a maternity care nurse. Midwifery wasn't what she thought it was and now she is aiming for ITU.

Another friend is a Speech and Language Therapist. Her department took on a really good Therapy Assistant who was keen to do the Masters course to become a Therapist. She lasted a week.

It's a very big decision and I think a stint as a HCA would be time well spent.

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

The thing that stands out most for me in your posts is that your husband is not supportive. Without his complete support and understanding I think that could cause huge issues. Not just in terms of the course but for your relationship.

One person on my course quit after a term as her husband was not supportive and even though he did do his share and picked up dc from school or childminder etc he made sure she knew about it.

It's the shifts during training. I found my time at uni was actual not very much at all after the first month and there were a lot more placement time than fixed hours uni time.

You follow a mentor and you do need to stick with them to get a true continuity and fair assessments (they assess your ability on placement), you don't get uni holidays. It's two weeks at Christmas, 2 weeks in the summer and 2 other weeks. If you take time off for holidays it will be hard to catch up, especially if you miss placement.

It is a lovely job even with the bad things you can feel that you made a difference. However it is hard work. Unsociable hour, appoint pay and can be hard on families the most.

I left midwifery as I just wasn't seeing my family. Especially once they started at school it's seemed I was either in bed after nights or rushing out the door before they woke up (grandparents came over at 6am to get dc up and ready for school as dh works in London and leaves at 5.45 each day) or I was getting them off to school and then missing bedtimes and homework (some would say that was an advantage )

For me whilst my husband was very supportive and took it all in his stride I just felt that I didn't see enough of my own family or dc.

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

Oh and if you've really want to be a midwife then go for direct entry. They are getting rid of the conversion so you could find you have to do an additional three years after studying for a degree that you didn't really want to do.

[Libitina]

When I was pregnant I wanted to be a midwife too. I am now an obstetric theatre nurse.

As MrsSquidney said, 99% of the time it's fantastic! However, when its bad, its truly heartbreaking. It does take a special kind of person to do this job well.
If you feel this is really what you want to do, then go for it!

[Batteriesallgone]

Gimmee but wouldn't you want to time things better? I'm just confused how this whole situation has come about if he's a trainee actuary tbh. How their 5/10/20 year plan wasn't thrashed out a couple of years ago and signed in triplicate is beyond me only half joking

Of course she shouldn't have to sacrifice her career so as to not inconvenience a man. But if she's going to be relying on him to fund her lifestyle (albeit not pay for the course) it's a bit rich to stick two fingers up to his opinion isn't it?! And why would you have a child a year ago, if you've been planning this for three years without ensuring your partner is onboard.

[HiggeldyPiggeldy]

I say go for it, you have researched it well, have the relevant qualifications and childcare. I started my course with 4 dc the youngest was 4 and a half and had just started school. It was really hard, juggling the kids, course work and placements, but I had good childcare in place and back up. Its an amazing job

[NameChange30]

Gimmee
"Gosh can't have a man getting inconvenienced can we"
Exactly!
So much negativity on this thread. How on earth is a woman supposed to return to work after maternity leave or time off as a SAHM and forge a satisfying career if so many other women expect her #1 priority to be taking primary responsibility for the children and house so her husband/partner can succeed in his career. It's depressing.
The OP already has family willing to help with childcare FGS.

[MrsLouisTomlinson]

Midwifery is changing hugely at the minute. The profession as I know it won't exist in probably 5-10 years. The loss of supervision is going to have a huge impact, not only for us as midwives but for the women as well. Most have no idea how much they will be losing. Go for it as midwifery tends to be an itch you have to scratch. I just hope it matches up to your expectations.