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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the rape laws in the UK are sexist and should be changed?

316 replies

StuartAteMyStrawberries · 07/02/2017 23:43

Only men can be charged with rape in the UK. Women can be charged with sexual assault but not rape.

AIBU to think this is outrageous and that anyone who has sex with another person is a rapist and should be charged as such?

It was legal for a man to rape his wife up until the 1990's and the law was rightly changed to make it a criminal offense. AIBU to think we should change the definition of rape so that women can be charged with it too?

OP posts:
AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:46

Speaking of men, who do people think makes the laws? Remind me again what sex the law makers tend to be again...?

OopsDearyMe · 08/02/2017 00:47

I don't want equality actually so that's great!
Also not sure where anyone on the thread stated they did not think sexual assault was less than or not in any way as abhorrent as rape.

It appears to be all about a word.

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 00:48

I don't want equality actually so that's great!

Not sure if serious.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:48

There are a raft of non physical ways abusers employ to force people to comply with them.

Okay then. So how would a woman force a man to have sex with her without the use of physical force?

Enlighten me please.

GangstaRat · 08/02/2017 00:49

Has anybody on this thread denied that women can't be sexually assaulted by other women? Why do we need a "gentle reminder" that this happens when nobody has bloody denied it happens in the first place?

Yes, the fact there are four pages of outraged screaming that women are not capable of raping anyone, and in general utterly marginalising victims of female rape?

The fact several posters have responded to a thread about female rapists as something exclusively affecting male victims, as though female-female rape is something they've literally never thought about?

Read this thread again and genuinely try to imagine how a woman who'd been a victim of violent forced non consensual sex by another woman would feel, being repeatedly told she definitely definitely wasn't raped, don't be ridiculous, and who cares anyway the only women that matter are those who have been victimised by evil penises?

Very misogynistic and homophobic imo.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 00:49

As a rape survivor I personally feel that the penetration by a penis element of rape is important. I have been raped and I have been sexually assaulted. I have been digitally penetrated without consent and it is not the same as having someone ram their cock into you. Sorry to be crude.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:49

In one case the victim can get pregnant and in the other case, they can't

In one case the victim can get pregnant. Horrific. In the other the perpetrator can get pregnant and spend the next few decades legally abusing the victim.

This thread is about male rape, please dont derail it to issues that are already well debated.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:50

Why don't men do the same?

Because the nasty feminists gang up on them and accuse them of being misogynists or some other shite like that. Yet again it's all women's fault.

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 00:51

Okay then. So how would a woman force a man to have sex with her without the use of physical force?

Drugs, threats etc. The same ways that a man can force a woman, often.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:51

Speaking of men, who do people think makes the laws?

Yip Mps are only allowed to be men so they should be punished by allowing they to be raped.

OopsDearyMe · 08/02/2017 00:52

No very serious.

LoupGarou · 08/02/2017 00:52

Women fought hard for better help etc! Why don't men do the same?
Why is it expected that women sort out men's issues?

There are a vast number of societal reasons why - exactly the same reasons why DV against men and DV by a woman to a woman are also underreported.
It is not about one group of people sorting out another group of people's issues, or vice versa, its about everyone standing up and saying this is wrong, regardless of what gender or sex the abusers and victims are.

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 00:53

I didn't say the possibility of pregnancy is part of the definition of rape. The possibility of pregnancy is a HUGE difference in a rape by a man versus a sexual assault by a woman. Drawing the conclusion that I said women who are infertile can't be raped is ridiculous.

OopsDearyMe · 08/02/2017 00:54

I think you are twisting things by saying people are saying women cannot rape anyone, that's trying bto say we area saying women are not guilty of sexual crime. Which no one has ever said.
But women do not have the biology to rape , under the current definition of the word. Very very different!

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 00:54

How do you want to define rape, GangstaRap? We're not talking about women/women sexual assault because we're talking about penises. No one has said that women aren't capable of serious sexual assault of men or women.

worridmum · 08/02/2017 00:54

a gun a knife? drugging them and tying them to a bed (i have seen cases of this as in case law ), black mail etc

use your imgaination really.

English law is quite far behind in this regaurd compared to alot of western world while sexaul assult is deemed as serous in court, its no were near as seen as bad as rape is in this country sexaul assult could be anything from bloody feeling someone up to full blown penetrative sex

So sexual assult as a label is too broad to be used so ether "rape" needs to be redefined like it has in the nordic countries or all sexaul crimes should be refered to as sexaul assult.......

LoupGarou · 08/02/2017 00:55

not the same as having someone ram their cock into you.

No its not the same, but likewise having someone ram a broken beer bottle into you isn't the same either.

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 00:55

I didn't say the possibility of pregnancy is part of the definition of rape. The possibility of pregnancy is a HUGE difference in a rape by a man versus a sexual assault by a woman. Drawing the conclusion that I said women who are infertile can't be raped is ridiculous.

K, but what about the possibility of transmitting an STD from the perpetrator to the victim? Fun fact: that can occur regardless of the sexes of the people involved.

(It's also statistically more likely to happen than pregnancy)

GangstaRat · 08/02/2017 00:55

Venusinscorpio, I am truly sorry for what happened to you. But I had a broomstick shoved up my vagina as a child, I am deeply troubled with the implication on this thread that I am not allowed to consider myself a rape victim.

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 00:55

In the other the perpetrator can get pregnant and spend the next few decades legally abusing the victim.

Bog standard MRA shite now.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:55

Okay then. So how would a woman force a man to have sex with her without the use of physical force?

Was waiting for that question. The answer is abuse. Its a minority sport but it does destroy people, in every way. Do I need to spell out the details of what that abuse is. probably couldn't cope with writing it so hopes no one asks

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 00:56

Bloody hell, just take a note from the "backwards" Australians and remove "rape" from legal terminology altogether.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 00:57

I'm not denying that, Loup. And FWIW I would support a change in the law for objects. But that's not what is being discussed here, the issue is about men being forced to have penetrative sex with women and whether that should be classed as rape. I can see why some people think it should be, I disagree. For the reason I said in my post that you quoted.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:58

Yes, the fact there are four pages of outraged screaming that women are not capable of raping anyone

And legally that is correct. Stating that fact does not mean we believe women aren't capable of sexually assaulting either men or other women. Thus no "gentle reminders" are needed.

The fact several posters have responded to a thread about female rapists as something exclusively affecting male victims, as though female-female rape is something they've literally never thought about?

The OP was the one who started talking about female-on-male rape and other posters simply followed suit. It has nothing to do with not taking female/female sexual assault seriously or thinking it doesn't happen but were simply a follow on from the OP's question.

who cares anyway the only women that matter are those who have been victimised by evil penises?

Nobody has said that.

homophobic imo.

Not sure what homophobia has to do with this. Are you under the impression that only lesbians can be sexually assaulted by other women or something? Confused

worridmum · 08/02/2017 00:58

as they are are as serous why does male on female sexual crime need a speical term like rape if sexual assult is equally as bad?, why shouldnt they both be labeled simply as sexual assult?

Devils advicate here i am not dimissining victims here