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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the rape laws in the UK are sexist and should be changed?

316 replies

StuartAteMyStrawberries · 07/02/2017 23:43

Only men can be charged with rape in the UK. Women can be charged with sexual assault but not rape.

AIBU to think this is outrageous and that anyone who has sex with another person is a rapist and should be charged as such?

It was legal for a man to rape his wife up until the 1990's and the law was rightly changed to make it a criminal offense. AIBU to think we should change the definition of rape so that women can be charged with it too?

OP posts:
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 08/02/2017 00:15

Rape is a crime committed by men. It has in the past and continues to be part of women's oppression by men. It is sexist that so many men rape so many women. Pretending that women do it too diminishes the nature of rape and it's effect on all women.

^^ This!

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:15

If this is what happened to you, then I'm incredibly sorry. But that isn't a failing of the law Its a failing of society, the crime is marginalize by society so the law makers marginalize it, and in the end no one cares and a minority is abused and rape and no one cares. And if feminism is about anything its about equality. Guess I was wrong, its every sex for itself.

brasty · 08/02/2017 00:15

Women are believed!! Nothing could be further from the truth.

corythatwas · 08/02/2017 00:17

Anon1234567890 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:11:57
"Do you feel the charge of sexual assault insufficient?

Yes, the charge makes the offence less important. And if its less important it is less believed. And very few people, as evidenced by this thread, believe this offence is real. So women never get charged."

If this is the case, are you sure that is because it is on a lighter tariff?

Isn't that a bit like saying theft is less believed because the charge makes it less important than armed robbery?

Men get charged with sexual assault as well as with rape: according to your logic, that should never happen.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:18

I say that as a woman who has been raped and also been disbelieved about it, had my ordeal minimised and shrugged off and yes, been outright called a liar.

The idea that women are automatically believed about sexual assault and people are always outraged about the rape of women is a complete myth.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:18

Women should be believed, so should men. I fight for equality. Guess not all MN does.

Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2017 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1484539497 · 08/02/2017 00:20

I agree with you OP, any sex without consent should be classed as rape.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:20

Men should be charged with both sexual assault and rape. So should women. I dont why anyone who wants equality should do it on the backs of an abused minority.

Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2017 00:20

A stupid angry post by me, please ignore it.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:21

NO means NO. Its irrelevant of your sex

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:21

Sorry I am posting a lot but this thread had triggered me.

Lynnm63 · 08/02/2017 00:21

Once upon a time there was no such thing as date rape or acquaintance rape. Rape was only committed by strangers. Thankfully we have moved on since then...and we will continue to move on.

The point people are trying to convey to you is the legal definition of rape is penis in vagina. Any other penetration is sexual assault, it's not downplaying the assault but it can't be called rape.

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 00:22

Feminism is about the liberation of women from oppression by men. You're asking women to centre your experience as a man as part of feminism? Hmm

corythatwas · 08/02/2017 00:22

Anon, it is equality. A man who subjects a non-consenting sexual acts which do not involve penetration by a penis will also only be charged with sexual assault. Do you suppose a female victim suffers less in that situation? So why is it not equal if the same punishment is meted out for the same act regardless of the sex of the victim?

JassyRadlett · 08/02/2017 00:22

NO means NO. Its irrelevant of your sex.

Agreed. The law agrees as well.

corythatwas · 08/02/2017 00:23

sorry: who subjects a non-consenting woman

Spam88 · 08/02/2017 00:24

It's just terminology, there are other sexual offences that can be committed by women that carry the same sentences as rape. Not sure why people feel that only tape is serious and not all other sexual offences, but perhaps there is an argument for changing wording so that more crimes are considered by people who feel that way to be equally as serious as rape.

I am Shock at the comments on here about 'I fail to see how a woman can force sex on a man if he doesn't want it at least a bit'. Absolutely appalling. I assume people are referring to the fact that a man would need to have an erection. It's a while since I did biology, but unless things have changed since I was in school, an erection is a physical response to stimuli and in no way indicates consent.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:24

Women should be believed, so should men.

YY to this.

However you have heavily implied in your posts that women are believed and taken seriously by default. This is a complete myth. There is still a widespread belief in society that women routinely lie about being raped despite no evidence to support this.

I fight for equality.

Equality implies always treating everyone the same all of the time no matter what their individual circumstances or background which imo is not possible. I believe fighting for equity is more important.

FloraFox · 08/02/2017 00:25

I dont why anyone who wants equality should do it on the backs of an abused minority.

Seriously? Women are getting equality on the backs of a minuscule number of men sexually assaulted by women? Get to fuck with that.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 00:26

Excuse me, who are the abused minority? Forcing someone to have sex with you without penetrating them with a penis is a serious sexual assault which can attract the same sentence as rape with a penis. If a man is raped with a penis, his attacker can be convicted of rape. And there generally isn't the he says she says bollocks that means women rarely see their rapist convicted.

Anon1234567890 · 08/02/2017 00:27

the legal definition of rape is penis in vagina. Any other penetration is sexual assault

But the act itself is irrelevant of penis in vagina or vagina in penis. They are both the same act and should both be legally called RAPE.

venusinscorpio · 08/02/2017 00:28

They are not the same act.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 08/02/2017 00:28

I assume people are referring to the fact that a man would need to have an erection.

I was actually referring to the fact that men are physically stronger than women. 99.9% of women would simply be unable to overpower a man in order to force sex on him in the first place.

SuperBeagle · 08/02/2017 00:30

The term "rape" is not used where I live, for reasons like this. It's all considered sexual assault (well, they come under the banner of "sexual offences").

"Rape" was abandoned, because it only referred to penis-vagina penetration, and ignored acts such as anal or oral assaults, or penetration with objects.

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