To be a tiny bit pissed off they stole my only bit of me time

[Babyiwantabump]

Eldest in play group .

Youngest was napping.

Finally sat my bum on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a bit of the Netflix.

PIL turn up
No phone call before - I explain that eldest at playgroup youngest asleep upstairs it's just me . They still come in . Then I have to run around making them drinks and focusing on them!

They ruined my me time!!

AIBU?

[mammymammyIRL]

No you aren't and I empathise with you. I used to feel like this when dh's uncle would call to us, several times a day when dc were babies and every single week night and twice some weekend days after I returned to work. But he passed away suddenly last August and sometimes my evenings seem awful long when dh is on nights.

[ExplodedCloud]

Oh and I wouldn't even drop in unannounced on my own parents at the house I lived in as a child!!

[nat73]

Nightmare!! When DC2 finally slept for 2 hours during the day I just got into bed for a nap and my aunt turned up expecting a cup of tea and a chat!! OMG!! I was fuming!!

[ExplodedCloud]

trifle we were in the awkward stage where I was still trying to keep the peace for DH's sake. Peace didn't last

[RoughBeast]

My childhood was open house to unannounced, unwanted callers my parents for some reason didn't feel they could turn away, even though they often hardly knew them/they were elderly bores encountered 20 years earlier through my father's hobby/they were acquaintances of long-dead family members who had once lived in my childhood home. I'm talking five or more nights a week, showing up at meal times, in a tiny cottage (where you had to walk through the living room and kitchen to get to the one bathroom from the bedrooms) with six children and five or six adults trying to make dinner/do homework/get to bed on a week night.

I have become an adult who says 'no' easily, and who has an 'absolutely never' policy on unexpected visitors. When I work from home, I do so in a study beside the front door, from which I am visible to unannounced callers as they ring the doorbell. I still don't answer the door.

[MycatsaPirate]

I could cry for you.

My me time is just so precious. I crave that time alone, whenever it, in total peace and quiet with no demands being made of me.

Unfortunately dp lost his job at the end of the month so he is now home driving me mad by having the tv on and just generally being here :o

I now have my me time when everyone else is asleep.

[BiddyPop]

We had a similar household growing up - no family close by but a few extended family members who would call , on the "off chance we were home", during a trip to the local holiday destination. Always at a mealtime. Usually with the whole family in tow. Hands hanging, and no warning. (It even happened one day when we came home from school for lunch!). We always went hungry those days, as the visitors had to be fed and entertained (and actually broke toys more than once! And we didn't have a lot of toys given the economic climate in the 80s!).

Nowadays, I work FT as does DH. And as he travels a lot, I have almost all my time away from work taken up with DD. She's 11 now, but still needs a lot of interaction and organizing, and engagement. The constant talk, and answering the same question 20 times in the hopes I will change the answer. Planning ahead for loads of things, when I don't know what we're doing the rest of this week and need a few other things organized first, or to talk to DH about them, but DD NEEDS to be involved and if I completely ignore her, she just decides that it has been decided and will work the way she has planned it in her head, and freaks out if it doesn't (ASD). And she also goes to bed later now, almost when I want to go, so doing housework and getting things organized for the following day get done then and I get no "me time" at all.

I have taken to going to a coffee shop near my office, for a coffee and a couple of sudokus or similar, before work, a few mornings a week. There is 1 person from work who has figured this out, and now tries to muscle in on that time "for a chat" - except I never looked for this and NEED my own space at that time, but she gets offended if I don't welcome her with open arms.

[KathArtic]

Argh. This is my MIL. Hasn't worked for 50 years and floats around having coffee and lunch, and visiting. Would just turn up and take no hints what so ever.

Not sacred time, but busy time - when she turned up at tea time two nights on the trot, telling me the same stories was I finally lost it. As I waved her off at the door I phoned DH at work and told him to sort his fucking mother out. He was more dipolmatic and asked her to phone ahead or call at a more convenient time. She saw her arse and said Fine, she'll never call again". Win win either way.

[SapphireStrange]

He wanted coffee and lunch.

I want a pony.

Exactly. Who the fuck turns up unannounced and then demands feeding? I'd show them the door, whoever they were.

[WellTidy]

I sympathise. When DC1 was about 1yo and a dreadful sleeper and incredibly demanding and I had just gone back to work, DH went on a ski weekend. PIL offered to have DC1 for a couple of hours or so, so that I could have a mosey around the shops. Great. I dropped DC1 off with them, then went to the shops. Had a mosey for half an hour, then went to a costa with my book. I had just settled myself down with my coffee, and got a call from PIL. Thinking something was wrong with DC1, I answered it. They were calling as they had come to the shops too and did I want to meet for lunch! Oh no, I said, I am just in I am not stopping for lunch yet I don't think. Oh no problem says PIL, we making our way to costa, join us when you're done. There is one door into costa, it's the same door to get out again. I raced out so that I wouldn't be seen and came back half an hour later.

Why they thought I'd want to meet up for lunch, about 35 minutes after dropping DC1 off, I will never know.

[megletthesecond]

Yanbu.

[CheshireChat]

So, so NBU!

My PIL used to do this when DS was a newborn and used to wake both me and him up. And after they managed to interrupt his only bloody nap that was longer than 20 min they used to fuck off as he was inconsolable . In the end, I took the approach that if you wake DS up, you get to settle him which was fun as DS was one of those high needs babies.

Aaarrgh, I'm getting annoyed just remembering.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

He wanted coffee and lunch.
Well I want a 100 roomed mansion with a water park in the garden and a pet unicorn, oh and champagne on tap, but for now, Im afraid I'm still whistling Dixie

[ExplodedCloud]

Yes I appreciate all these ripostes to my FIL's demands but as I said I was trying to keep the peace.
DH was still deep in FOG and it would have caused merry hell for me then.

[derxa]

I just despair.

[RachaelCatWhisperer]

I disagree that whatever they do they'd be wrong. Surely ringing up to ask if you fancied some company, or getting the hint would be preferable. Ultimately the in laws are your partner's family so if there is a tricky conversation to be had, he needs to prioritise your feelings and speak up for you.

When my monster in law comes over, she bombards me with a thousand unnecessary questions, makes subtle bitchy comments about the state of the house, and reminds me that her daughter has chosen not to work, as though I do it for selfish personal reasons and not because her dear son can't afford for me not to.

My own mum? Rings ahead, brings a casserole and quietly empties the tumble dryer whilst making a pot of tea.

[SapphireStrange]

I wonder why Rachael 'can't stand' her MIL, Navy?

[LoupGarou]

YANBU. If its someone I don't want to entertain I open and look surprised to see them. Tell them now isn't a good time and you'll call them to reschedule. In a breezy but firm way, and stick to it.
I also have a discrete hand signal for our dog so if someone really starts being pushy she starts acting unfriendly, most people beat a retreat then.

[LoupGarou]

Oh yes, and our dog will snarl on command, so I look shocked and concerned and say " goodness I'm sorry, she's being really moody today". Thats usually pretty off putting too.

[BikeRunSki]

I'd be raging on the inside and passive aggressive on the outside.

[derxa]

My MIL is as mad as a box of frogs but I visit her because she is my MIL.

[RachaelCatWhisperer]

Unfortunately I have been nothing but courteous for 8 long years. The inane questions started the first time I met her. My husband maintains that it's just because she likes me and wants to be involved but it's very hard to sit and listen while she chats on and defend my household choices without losing my cool.

Don't get me started on whether it is necessary to use biodegradable albeit more expensive nappies, feeding the kids cheap lemonade and how certain ethnic groups are responsible for all society's ills.