To be a tiny bit pissed off they stole my only bit of me time

[Babyiwantabump]

Eldest in play group .

Youngest was napping.

Finally sat my bum on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a bit of the Netflix.

PIL turn up
No phone call before - I explain that eldest at playgroup youngest asleep upstairs it's just me . They still come in . Then I have to run around making them drinks and focusing on them!

They ruined my me time!!

AIBU?

Navy it's certainly not a PIL thing. If Michael Fassbender showed up unannounced at my door when I was settling down with tea and Netflix he'd get the short shrift from me.

What strange folk there seem to be around. Is it only on here that people won't open the door or answer the phone unless they know who it is? When did this concept of 'me time' come into being? Surely making a cup of tea and chatting to your in-laws is not too much hard work.

:o :o :o

Well I suppose it depends on the individual, but no, I would approximately a million times rather sit/potter/read on my own than have a conversation with MIL. She's hard work but also, I'm a working single parent with 2 young DC, I NEED time when no one is talking to me.

This is why I live miles away from family. No 'popping in' thank you.

And to that person who said about the concept of 'me time', when did that start is it so hard to chat blah blah. If you get very little time to yourself and you ve ear marked half an hour for telly and a cup of tea, there's no way you want someone intruding in. OP you have my highest sympathies.

I suppose Michael Fassbender might be allowed in as long as he promised not to speak.

NavyandWhite Yes, it is really inconsiderate, and plain rude. If you think it's ok to invite yourself to somebody else's house for a cup of tea, turn up unannounced at an inconvenient time, ignore all hints, veiled and not-so, that your visit is at an unwelcome time, and proceed to stay for an hour, leaving at just the time you could actually be useful, then you too are inconsiderate and rude.

Nothing to do with being a PIL, that kind of behaviour just makes you a pillock.

FWIW I have a good relationship with my MIL - mostly because she would be horrified at the sort of behaviour described above and think it both rude and presumptuous. I suspect also that she'd rather not see us and our house when we're not expecting visitors, works both ways

What is annoying about in-law visits when your OH isn't home is that they aren't coming to see you, they're coming to see the GDCs. So why not come when their son can entertain? There is a subtly sexist message there that your time is less important than his.

I'd have told them we have D&V and it's best they not come in as don't want to give it to them.

Nope, totally reasonable! And totally unreasonable of them to rock up without a consideration of what you might have to do, including a designated bit of doing nothing. Rude and selfish, and sadly shows the relationship up that you a) feel so invaded and b) feel unable to tell them to do one.

My outlaws used to let themselves in through the back gate and appear unannounced in the kitchen. We now have a 7' gate to which they do not have a key. At least if they come to the front we have to physically let them in.

Sounds like you live in what I call The Zone of Terror... close enough to pop round unannounced. I feel for you. Your optimum zone is too far to drop round but not so far that they become overnight visitors.

Have you considered a drawbridge and portcullis?

sapphire - no, true - I was just being very British! Sorry (not sorry).

Next time don't run round after them, ffs, and have an excuse ready

Yadnbu!

How rude.

I'm sorry but I also hate unannounced visitors with a passion. the fact thT it was your time alone makes it infinitely worse.

Rachaelcat I might start on a moat too when I get 5 minutes . Oh wait 😂

I can't not run around after them costa that would have made the visit even worse as I would have had to spend more time in the room with them 😂

You could do what my Granny did. Have a hat and coat by the door and put it on before answering. If they're welcome, you've just got in and you take it off. If they're not, put it on and say that you are going out

What is annoying about in-law visits when your OH isn't home is that they aren't coming to see you, they're coming to see the GDCs. So why not come when their son can entertain? There is a subtly sexist message there that your time is less important than his.

Absolutely.

I would be well pissed off. What would have been worse is if they'd rang the bell and woken the sleeping child. Nothing fills me with more rage!

Gandalf that is amazing!

sleep they did ring the bell but luckily he didn't wake - what really got me was when they walked into the living room saw he wasn't in the travel cot and then they were all diassapointed because they couldn't wake him up!

Gandalf, that's brilliant! Wouldn't really work with kids but I'm banking that tip for the future.

gandalf That is an awesome plan!

To whoever said live miles away, let me tell you from bitter experience, even then you're not safe :(
I had FIL drop in unannounced when I had a small baby, looked a mess, house a mess etc. He wanted coffee and lunch. I had been going to Hoover while dc asleep. He would have been offended if I'd hoovered round him. So he say and made rude comments about the house and When I went to get dc up, he took the opportunity to nose through my paperwork.

We see a lot of my ex-FIL. He lives alone and has all the 'me time' I so crave. He doesn't pop round without calling any more (I've known him 20 years, we've sorted that one out!), but he used to arrive well before he was expected and just sit in his car waiting for me to come home from work.

I HATED it - didn't have even 2 mins to get in the house and go to the loo before I had to start entertaining. Now I tell him a later time, or if he comes early I'll just carry on with my jobs.

I do try and understand that he doesn't know how my life is.

He wanted coffee and lunch.

I want a pony.