Aibu not wanting to see inlaws before my operation

[mummylove2monsters]

Long story as short as I can make it :
I have never got on with my sil or mil
( although I always make the effort with mil for husbands sake and grin and bare it ) .
As for my sil I have had 15 years of drunken abusive phone calls - we are totally different. No love lost atall .
Anyway I had a brain haemorrhage almost a year ago while I was pregnant - baby born safely and is now 8 1/2 months old . I had a scan before Christmas which found an aneurism- they tried to operate but an artery collapsed and they woke me up to say it couldn't be done at the time - I've been waiting at home for them to scan again and see if it's safe to go ahead and fit a stent .
During the first operation attempt my husband panicked and got his mum down to help him with the kids ( both my parents are sadly deceased) - she's still here so she can help him when I go back in . Now my sil has decided she's coming down to see her mum - I've asked that she waits till I've had operation as I want this time alone with my kids and not have a houseful ( and all that comes with it - they are big drinkers and I'm t- total but she's ignored it and is coming down anyway with a view to staying in a local hotel and her mum joining her there ) . Thing is she's bringing her kids and my husband is saying he will take our kids to see them and out for the day this was a huge argument as to me this means I won't be spending the time before my brain surgery with my children he says it's not all about me and I'm being selfish - what do I do now ? Say ? I'm scared that something bad could happen to me at the hospital. Me and sil haven't spent time together for over 8 years - I don't think now is the time - I know this is a garbled thread but I'm actually shaking with anxiety- I am so terrified about my operation and now I'm angry about the situation I don't think I should be in x aibu ?

Scan results show no change to artery in my neck so I have to go for another one on Monday where they will meet again 😥 beyond fucked off 😡😭

Sinsinawa
Thankyou for the link
The drug I'll be on is tricagralor (may have spelt that wrong )
Have looked into it but it's a no go
I could be on it for 6 months .
I will continue to pump and dump and try again when off the drug ( if you don't try .... )
Living nightmare - the whole thing a Thankyou for the support- your all lovely

I agree your DH is a spineless coward. At this time he should be putting you first 100%.

You are not being selfish here, not by any means.

Oh OP
Your husband is being a massive prick and I want to slap him for you. Sounds like expected behaviour from the in laws. Shame you can't book a hotel away for you and kids on the night they intend to go out
I hope you get some more helpful results soon. FIL had surgery on an aneurysm and is perfectly fine if that's any consolation

Sweetheart I am so sorry you are going through this, I can fully appreciate your fears and wants but also appreciate your DH must be scared shit-less, sometimes partners under stress say stupid things ( I trust this was a one-off?) plus I can understand he wants support from his family (Even if they are PITA!) as he stands by helplessly while the woman he loves goes through something he cant do sod all about! (They tend not to like being helpless...makes them act weird!)

Yes, he's not a child and should Man the Fuck UP! But he's also probably more scared than you! (But won't admit it) You don't need any more stress, suggest that the day before is you, DH and DC day ONLY, BUT while you are convalescing that you take up the offer to have your in-laws entertain the children, leaving you and DH some quiet time. Either when you are in the hospital or at home, I suggest you will be needing some rest and sleep...ideal to let the children run someone else ragged, then you get cuddles before bed.

Good Luck and huge hugs

I went back - the damaged artery means to fit a stent at aneurism site is risky - I have to wait four more weeks and have another scan . I'm going out of my mind , I'm terrified, I have four young children. I'm scared this is dangerous and I want to still be here and in one piece till I'm old / ancient ! I can't stop crying 😭

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that mummylove2monsters

Praying for you and hoping it will all work out.

All my love darling I hope it goes well for you

Your sil sounds batshit, you poor thing.

God bless and big hugs love

Your h is a knob. I'm so sorry.

'plus I can understand he wants support from his family (Even if they are PITA!) as he stands by helplessly while the woman he loves goes through something he cant do sod all about! (They tend not to like being helpless...makes them act weird!)

Yes, he's not a child and should Man the Fuck UP! But he's also probably more scared than you! (But won't admit it)'

Oh FFS! There's always some saddo who comes on and excuses the twat behaviour of someone because the poor ickle diddums has a penis.

Oh you poor thing 😟 💐

Thankyou so much ladies xxxx

for you for your dh

There are no words for what you are going through have some and a very unMN hug

You need his support, not the aggravation of his family. And never more than at a time like this.
I had a heart problem that I had to spend a long time in hospital with once, think my mil was cock a hoop as it meant she had free rein on my very young daughter. However they also thought they could extend their help beyond my arrival home, and after 3 days of claustrophobic interfering torture, wanting nothing more than peace with my children after a traumatic few weeks, I broke down and lost it big time.
Hope it goes well for you, of course yanbu

Thinking of you

Thankyou xxxxx still waiting- the damage the hospital did to artery is still making an operation too dangerous 😥 Pray pray pray x send good vibes x whatever your believes are , please send good my way I'm terrified can't stop looking at my children and being sad and scared xxxx thankyou

Saying a little prayer for you. Don't let fear drag you down, you need all the strength you can muster. Sending you hugs and big positive vibes

Thinking of you op

Oh lovely, sending you love.
If your MIL is still there is she actually helping? Contributing to the running of the house/childcare etc? If not tell her to go home.
Hope you get some answers soon

Sending you strength and love xx

'Husband will end up going for a drink with brother in law
Kids will be dropped home with cousin for a sleepover while sil and mil get pissed and I'll have the sleepover gang
Husband will arrive back with brother in law who will ( because he has every time ) fall asleep and piss my sofa in his drunken sleep
Mil and sil will push for a family meal on the Sunday
I'll be the bad guy for not wanting to go and sit with a group of hungover people I don't even like
Sofa cushions will sit soaking in the bath for the day and covers will never go back on right due to pissy brother in law -
( the main cushion is ruined from the last time )
Husband will say it's not his fault and he never meant for it to go that way even though I predicted due to my overwhelming 15 years of experience'

HELL TO THE FUCK NO!

Just NO NO NO NO NO!

You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. Show your spineless husband this thread and tell him in no uncertain terms that they can ALL go fuck themselves. Seriously.

x

Just no. He has to tell them you all need some space and quiet on dr's orders. That he will be unavailable until after your op & turn his phone off if they are making demands on your family's time that he can't stand up to.

Or reply with the more than reasonable truth:

'BIL, you know I can't leave my family to drink now'

'SIL you know we need alone time with our children at this time.'

Turn off the phone when they are abusive. IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. It has to be. Not them.

I agree with sky.

I don't know if this helps and I'm so sorry if you find this insulting or intrusive, but there is an Arabic prayer we muslins say when something very bad has happened and even for minor disasters, the meaning if it roughly is:

To God we belong, to Him is our final return. Oh Lord reward me (for my loss) in this situation and replace this for me with something better (in this world and later in the next one).

I have found it to be a powerful prayer myself. I hope the translation makes sense.

Anyway, whether you want to pray or not, once again all my love. Your dh really needs to step up right bow and put his family in their place even if it means having a big shouting match with them.