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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having sex with new partner with dcs in house

96 replies

user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:08

Been dating a month and made things official yesterday (see other complicated thread if interested).

He says he doesn't understand why I don't feel comfortable having sex when dd (2) is in the next room sleeping.

He's been round twice after she's gone to bed and it just doesn't feel right to have sex.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 06/02/2017 20:10

Is he a screamer?

GreenGoblin0 · 06/02/2017 20:11

my DP and I have sex when our DD is in then next room. are we being unreasonable?

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:11

It's not really a noise issue. It just feels wrong Confused I don't know whether I'm being weird or not.

OP posts:
FineLookingHighHorse · 06/02/2017 20:12

Shes 2, not 12.

Its fine.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:12

No of course not Green but hes a stranger to her and very new to me too.

OP posts:
luckylucky24 · 06/02/2017 20:12

Yes. If you ever hope to have sex more than once in a blue moon then you will have to get over it. We co-slept for 2 years and had sex with DS in the same room.

Chasingsquirrels · 06/02/2017 20:12

If you don't like it then you don't, regardless of how anyone else feels.
Do you have opportunities when you can be child free?

WildBelle · 06/02/2017 20:13

How do you think most relationships function once people have kids? Confused

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:14

Yeah I saw him on Friday at his so we do have child free time every week.

OP posts:
LovelyBranches · 06/02/2017 20:15

Have you had sex with him? Are you reluctant about having sex or is the issue purely around your DD and her seeing a new man in your life?

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 20:15

Babies know nothing about sex. Even if she heard something she wouldn't know what it meant, and you can avoid her hearing it by keeping the noise down. If the issue is her hearing the sex noise, I can't see why knowing him longer will make a difference. If the issue is that he is a stranger and she will be distressed by him being there, I can't see why sex is relevant - just wait longer before inviting him over.

Chasingsquirrels · 06/02/2017 20:16

Comparisons between a couple who are both the birth parents of a dc and have been together before the said dc were born v a month-long relationship are hardly helpful!

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:16

We've had sex twice. Which according to him isn't enough..

I just don't feel ready to have sex at mine yet. It feels wrong.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 06/02/2017 20:18

Then don't do it!

picklemepopcorn · 06/02/2017 20:19

If you are not ready, you'll be anxious, won't enjoy it, feel pressured and resentful.

Isadora2007 · 06/02/2017 20:19

If you don't feel comfortable then you don't feel comfortable. That's absolutely fine. It's only a month. Alarm bells would be ringing if my partner in new relationship was already beginning to disregard my feelings on such matters though.

Chasingsquirrels · 06/02/2017 20:20

Tbh OP, I wouldn't be happy about a man in a relationship this new telling me he wasn't happy with the amount of sex we were having (if I was a willing participant at appropriate times) and disregarding my feelings as to why.
You are a month in, he should be happy that you want to have sex with him at all, not pressuring you to do so.

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:20

You are not ready. That should be enough.

Why is he pressuring you after only a month?

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 20:20

Chasingsquirrels: What difference could that possibly make?

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:21

Actually he should not be pressuring you at all.

SausageFarmer · 06/02/2017 20:21

It isn't enough?

Ugh

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 20:21

OP, 'not enough' by whose standard? You obviously don't owe him sex. He sounds like a dick.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:21

He says it must be a 'girl thing' as to why I don't feel comfortable having sex at mine while dd is here.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/02/2017 20:21

I hope you don't mind but I've read your other threads and have just this to say:

ARE YOU MAD?

This man is a complete loser. He wants sex every time you meet up, tells you all about his wanking habits, talks dirty all the time, wants you to go back to his (with his parents there) to have sex, when you're a new girlfriend.... There's tons more than that but I'm too depressed to type it out.

GET RID OF HIM!

Elfieselfie · 06/02/2017 20:22

Jeez I think I'd tell him to fuck off!