Having sex with new partner with dcs in house

[user1485102013]

Been dating a month and made things official yesterday (see other complicated thread if interested).

He says he doesn't understand why I don't feel comfortable having sex when dd (2) is in the next room sleeping.

He's been round twice after she's gone to bed and it just doesn't feel right to have sex.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Oh god I've just realised you are the poster with the guy who sounds like he's about 15 and has just discovered his dick.

Seriously, leave him!

Oh, it's you.

There are two options -

One is that you need a shitload of counselling. The other is that you need a shitload of counselling.

You're either genuine with massive issues that need dealing with in therapy or aren't genuine & need therapy to work out why you make this shit up.

That's pretty obvious from your posts op

You really need to step away from the world of OLD for a while - and dump that user once and for all. Do you really want people like him breathing the same air as your precious DC? Your home, her home, should be her safe haven - not a place where some random dick can turn up demanding sex.

Sort it out for her, if not for yourself. And then have a serious think about why you keep letting virtual strangers treat you like this.

This is YOUR LIFE, your daughter's life and YOU get to call all the shots.

You and you alone make the decisions in your life and what makes you uncomfortable needs to be listened to and taken as a warning.

This man makes you feel uncomfortable, that's important! Listen

He shouldn't be pushing you, and I agree, there are countless twats online who want a shag and push to get invited back to woman's house.

Just say no! Set some boundaries and keep them until you're sure.

A break would be a good idea, just until you're stronger in yourself, stronger love for yourself etc

I do need counselling. I think I need more than counselling.

Believe me, I'm genuine. Wish I fucking wasn't.

He sounds a fucking treat...

If you felt safe and loved and secure and safe and happy and relaxed and SAFE in that relationship, you'd be happy to have sex in the same house as your child.

Listen to yourself, trust your gut feeling, nobody should ever have sex when they do not actively and enthusiastically want to (certainly not in the first month of a new relationship: sex should be fun and exciting and - have I mentioned this? - safe, making you happy and smiling and buzzing with endorphins).

I have not searched your previous posting history and I know nothing about you. But even on the back of this one thread I'd say to you ditch the user, stop being anybody or getting involved in sexual relationships and prioritise yourself. Put yourself first, what you want and what is good for you. Stop seeking validation from a man, any man, and learn to love yourself. Loving yourself is different from liking yourself (I've just had half a box of Celebrations - I am really quite cross with myself just now, but still love me in principle). treasure and value yourself, wart and all.

You are far less likely to then allow some rotten user to use you and make you feel worse.

What AnnieAnoniMouse said

user1485102013 "Low self esteem. Zero confidence.

I feel undeserving."

You are totally deserving, we all are. See if you can get some counselling and also some assertiveness training. But first dump this chump!

Put your dd first, put yourself first too! No more dudes who do not respect you and your boundaries.

Good luck, get some talking therapy help, read up on assertiveness and enjoy your dd while she is little. They grow so fast.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

I wouldn't feel happy bringing a month old relly guy back to my sanctuary with my vulnerable 2 year old in the house.

It would be months and months before I even revealed my address to a new guy. To protect my child who cannot protect themself.

I would also attempt to check he was safe.

We would meet on mutual territory or I would collect him for a date. Yes I'd have sex, but I'd keep my child out of it until much later.

Over protective? Yeah, but I don't care. If the guy started moaning about it, I would take that as a sign to discontinue.

I understand where you're coming from with this OP. I'm a single mum to a 2 yr old and I'd never thought of being in your situation before because I've not met anyone I'm serious enough about to invite around, however now I'm thinking about it I'm pretty sure I too would feel quite weird about having sex with DS sleeping in next room.
I suppose it is something that you'll get around eventually, but I fully understand why you're feeling the way you do right now

OP, one good thing - your instincts are spot on. There's a reason you didn't feel it was right to sleep with him with your DD there.

We've all kissed some frogs! Don't beat yourself up over it. You can learn and move on, it's no big deal. There is nothing wrong with you.

It's good that you know that your not comfortable with what he wants from you and that you've told him so.You might not see it yet OP but it is a step in the right direction!

I agree with the PP he does not sound worth your time or affection.

Step away now and take some time out for yourself and your DD,if you haven't already speak to your Dr about the counselling,once you start getting help and it's the right help it can make all the difference and you owe it to yourself and your DD.

Oh my gosh OP - I'm so pleased that you know this is wrong on many different levels - not least a new shag wanting to spend the night under the same roof as your daughter. You know how that would sound to social services?

He's not your boyfriend.

Please take some time to get to know and love yourself xx

Oh good god no. Ds was the same age when I met dp but we have a basement (with a bedroom in it!) and dp used to sleep down there for 6 months before the dcs knew he stayed over.

Introducing him was the most gradual process even though he has the kind of job where he is crb checked to the max and I knew he was likely to be as safe as anyone could be - a 5 min meeting after 3 months very gradually building up to him staying properly at weekends. Crucially, he never ever pushed the pace and was totally guided by me as their parent.

He's already testing and pushing your boundaries, get rid now.

I don't think it's weird to feel like that. I think it's natural. He isn't the father of your child. You have a protective instinct towards her. You've brought a guy in the house who isn't her father and is straight away making demands on you and trying to monopolise you. Apart from the fact that he sounds like he's going to be mean, and he doesn't sound the best person to have in her life, he's just ... not very understanding. Has he ever had his own baby in the house? I bet he hasn't.

Sex next to or near the baby/little child is only ok if it's with their father, I think. With someone else, it would feel really weird, kind of bad. I totally get that. He should attempt to understand. You need a bit of time.

After reading your previous threads user, I think this sad excuse of a man is going to further deplete your sense of worth. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to settle for shite.

Dating should be fun and flow at a speed you are happy with. You shouldn't feel pressured to sleep with someone because they say it's normal. Everyone has different expectations, his should NOT override yours.

You were made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, that is NOT ok. Nor is making indirect references to another persons weight/shape with the aim being to further undermine their quickly dwindling confidence. He used "his brother thinks this" but really meant "he THINKS this"...

He has his own agenda, which is to get his own sexual gratification. Your needs or feelings are irrelevant.

It's interesting that he's now decided to make it "official" after your kiss incident. Maybe he feels that he has competition? Or he knows by labelling he can further pressure you into having sex with him.

Whatever is going on? You don't feel good about yourself. He isn't the one for you. Back the hell out of there...

OP, are you scared of being alone?

Unfortunately when you have low self esteem, you seem to automatically attract the wrong sort of men

I think you need to learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company before jumping into another relationship. Leave men alone completely for a while and enjoy just being yourself. Build yourself up and then when the right guy comes along, you'll have a proper shot at being happy!

I've been single for 2 years so definitely not afraid to be alone. Will stay single and work on myself until I feel ready even though I thought that's what I'd been doing anyway.

Don't be put off because of a self-centred manchild. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and enjoy nights out with your mates.

Love normally comes knocking when you are at least expecting it...

Try the casual dating thing, a different date once a month. No sex, just a trip to the cinema or a meal out. Only have a second date if you enjoyed the first. Don't rush into the sleeping together bit. If a person is interested/respects you, they will wait.