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AIBU?

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Original poster

Having sex with new partner with dcs in house

96 replies

user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:08

Been dating a month and made things official yesterday (see other complicated thread if interested).

He says he doesn't understand why I don't feel comfortable having sex when dd (2) is in the next room sleeping.

He's been round twice after she's gone to bed and it just doesn't feel right to have sex.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
CharlieSierra · 06/02/2017 20:23

It's unreasonable for anyone to pressure you for sex that you are not comfortable with. It's a massive red flag that this man is doing this so soon.

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:23

No no no no.

Bin him now. He has zero respect for women and girls. Do you really want that attitude around your daughter?

Whathaveilost · 06/02/2017 20:23

I'm agreeing about alarm bells if he is not listening to your feelings after a month.

If you don't feel comfortable that's ok, they are your feelings.
Instead of moaning about lack of sex he should be reassuring you that it's ok.

Somerville · 06/02/2017 20:24

Comparisons between a couple who are both the birth parents of a dc and have been together before the said dc were born v a month-long relationship are hardly helpful!

This!

OP, I never thought twice about enjoying sex with our kids in the next room with my (late) husband. But when I got a new boyfriend it didn't feel right at all. And particularly in the early days - sex with a new partner involves taking time to get to know mutual likes and dislikes, and a lot of trust and exploration. I just didn't feel in the mood for that when my children could have woken at any moment - even with a lock on the door.

But frankly, any reason that you don't feel comfortable about having sex should be respected! Trust your instincts!

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 20:25

Oh God, are you that poster op ?

I wouldn't have that man within a country mile of my daughter, never mind having sex with him in the next room

ImperialBlether · 06/02/2017 20:26

This is where the userid is really not useful.

I would have died sooner than have my two year old child want me in the middle of the night, only to find some stranger in my bed.

Dump this idiot and then get to know someone properly before you have them stay over.

ImperialBlether · 06/02/2017 20:27

Has he told you yet that he doesn't like condoms?

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 20:27

And FWIW, I think it is perfectly fine to have sex when your dc are sleeping in the same house

It's this bloke that is the problem

MirandaWest · 06/02/2017 20:27

I wouldn't have felt comfortable having sex with a new boyfriend with my dc in the house after a month. Although he didn't come round when they were there for a while after we'd got together.

Are you comfortable with him coming round when your DD is there? It sounds like he's coming round just to have sex with you which you're totally allowed to not feel happy with.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:27

He hasn't stayed over. He came round for 2 hours last night. But it felt like hard work getting him to leave Confused

OP posts:
kel1234 · 06/02/2017 20:28

My husband and I had sex with our baby in his crib in our actual bedroom. Personally I don't see it as a problem

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 20:28

Why...was he pestering you for sex ?

Kookypants · 06/02/2017 20:29

Flags a flying

Somerville · 06/02/2017 20:29

God, ditch him OP.

But even if you don't, bloody keep him away from your kid!

Sweets101 · 06/02/2017 20:29

I wouldn't have him over at all when DD was there

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:30

Not pestering me for sex but think he was hinting that he wanted to stay over.

OP posts:
Hissy · 06/02/2017 20:31

You can't be for real, eh op? Nobody is this delusional!

You know this guy 5 mins and he wants to shag you in the same house as your toddler sleeps.

Please don't tell me you've introduced this bloke to her already?

YOU DONT KNOW HIM!!!

He sounds positively predatory.. Bin him!

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 20:32

I feel like such an idiot.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 06/02/2017 20:32

Why couldn't you get rid of him?

He sounds like a complete bellend, what are his good points?

Hissy · 06/02/2017 20:32

No decent bloke pesters for sex, or hints to stay over. Not in such a short timespan, not with kids

Emboo19 · 06/02/2017 20:32

You don't feel comfortable you don't feel comfortable, end of! If he doesn't respect that he's not worth your time.

When me and my bf, started having sex, bearing in mind we'd been together a while and had known each other two years, previously. I really didn't feel comfortable having sex at his, if his brothers were in the house, so we didn't!
He did look into moving out pretty soon after though!

Chasingsquirrels · 06/02/2017 20:32

I too had sex with my 1st husband with our infant (not 2yo) child in the same room, numerous times.
Regardless of whether anyone (or even everyone) else thinks it is okay, if someone is not comfortable with it that is enough reason for them to say no, and for their partner to respect it.
Fwiw, my now DH was the one uncomfortable with having sex with me when my dc's were in the house. I didn't have to understand but I fully respected it. We just kissed & cuddled a lot, and made up for it when they weren't here. He got over it ☺

lalalalyra · 06/02/2017 20:33

It doesn't matter why you don't want to have sex in your house. If it's because you don't feel comfortable, because the stars are not aligning properly or because you just don't feel like it. The fact that you don't want too is all that matters.

Any man who is pushing for sex that you don't want to have after only one month - when he's likely to be on his best behaviour and showing you his good side - is not a keeper. He has no respect for you at this stage - that's not going to get any better.

RockyBird · 06/02/2017 20:33

You're not comfortable with it, so don't. Anyone that pressures another for sex should be avoided. How unsexy.

Good luck OP.

Goingtobeawesome · 06/02/2017 20:38

I'd bin him off full stop for being pushy. He's pressuring you. Not cool.

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