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Original poster

To ask of the most embarrassing thing your children have done/said

127 replies

pinkiepie1 · 06/02/2017 18:24

So few hours ago started a thread about embarrassing stories with in laws and they made me laugh so thought I'd see if anyone had any funny/embarrassing stories about their children?

My dd is 3 and im expecting again soon so we went through the whole 'where babies come from'.
She was happy with what I told her and she didn't mention it again.
So went to see Fil and she went straight upto him and said mummy is going to poo out a baby...
We all laughed and it was fine, it was more embarrassing when she told the whole school playground with parents and teachers there and the postman on the way home from school.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/02/2017 23:41

I can recall I unwittingly embarrassed my mum and dad. We were staying in a guest house and while we were waiting for breakfast I was reading a magazine. I was 11 or there abouts, anyway I gets on to the problem page and started reading, and I said in a room full of strangers "Mum, What does this mean. I have bumps in my pub-ic hair. My dads face was crimson. There was also a teenage lad about 15 with his mate. They were crying with laughter.

justgivemethepinot · 06/02/2017 23:48

Post office queue, a man was standing very near us, his groin was level with Dd in pushchair. "Mummy, what can I smell?"

Ds (loudly) upon entering the bank: "are we going to the banky wanky? (Bank was full of people and far too quiet)
Blush

Katielou75 · 06/02/2017 23:54

It made everyone laugh, rather than being really 'embarrassing', but DD when 3 informed a packed train that she loved 'One Erection'.

SundialShadow · 07/02/2017 00:20

My son had a phobia about beards when he was about 2 and called everyone with a beard a "dirty man".

His crystal clear little voice would ring out "Look Mummy, a DIIIIRRRTTY man"

... on buses, in the supermarket, walking along the street and to Dad's new boss at the office Xmas party.

The little sod darling

lottieandmia · 07/02/2017 00:27

When dd2 was a toddler she pointed at a man in Tesco and said loudly 'Why does that man have an eye patch?!!'

lottieandmia · 07/02/2017 00:28

Sundial - that's classic

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 07/02/2017 00:38

My daughter asked "Are you fat or pregnant" to a fellow Mum in the school playground. No playdate there then.

BarbaraManatee · 07/02/2017 01:07

My 5yo was recently having a discussion in a new group we've started about chores they do at home. He announced to these people we'd barely met, & who we're going to have to keep seeing, that he cleans his bedroom window by licking it & wiping with his sleeve. I went out the next day & bought him his very own cleaning wipes. I feel like announcing this to the group! Blush

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 07/02/2017 01:14

Years ago in the supermarket , there was a man in shorts with a full metal leg, I think they are called bionic legs? Anyway my then 4 year old ds says in the loudest robotic voice possible "I am a robot"oh the shame.

Another more recent one was when I had a phone engineer round, my 5 yr old says to him "where's your mum?" "My Mums in heaven"he says. My son then says "no she's not...she walked past our house the other day! Wtf.

A more funny one was when he asked a 60 year old gas engineer if he could land a back flip Grin

BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 01:16

Was shopping once with my now ex and his son (then around 3 years old). When ex went to grab something from another aisle his son tapped another man on the leg and shouted "Daddy!!!" This man was gorgeous (and shopping with his gf/wife!) but I don't know which of us looked more mortified, I mumbled an apology and ran away!

KC225 · 07/02/2017 05:14

Asking if eggs come out of a chicken's bum my biology teacher DH told DD that chickens have an egg hatch. Whislt fussing with DS in a playground I noticed DD talking to a very pregnant lady. I called her over and she told me she had asked the lady if she had an egg hatch? And was the baby coming out of the egg or her bottom.

Rubyslippers7780 · 07/02/2017 05:41

Not me but witnessed a small child in a trolley ask her mum very loudly ' so WHY were you kissing daddy's peepee?'..... the mother promptly turned scarlet..removed child from trolley and left supermarket leaving massive shopping behind....

BalloonSlayer · 07/02/2017 07:03

I think they are called bionic legs?

Um no. Grin They are called prosthetic legs. Bionic legs are a 1970s science fiction invention.

RueDeDay · 07/02/2017 14:13

DD, aged about 3, after a visit to the cinema, exclaimed very loudly as we excited: "Mummy I LOVE cock porn! It's my favourite."

I died a little inside.

MrsHathaway · 07/02/2017 14:20

Lol Rue - I think most small children go through liking cock porn (popcorn), dicks (sticks) and cocks (clocks) as their phonology develops.

All parents will have been sympathetic Brew

notfromstepford · 07/02/2017 15:17

When DS was 3 he couldn't say minions, he called them minge-ons. Was very funny at home, not so funny in the middle of Morrisons at the top of his very loud voice.

SeriousCreativeBlock · 07/02/2017 15:29

DD is 4.5 and recently we were in a supermarket where I nipped to the loo to change my pad. I wiped, and DD starts shouting (to the nearly full bathroom) "MUMMY YOU'RE BLEEDING! WHY IS THERE BLOOD? THERE'S BLOOD EVRRYWHERE." This was swiftly followed by a promise to explain the menstrual cycle at home and a quick escape from the bathroom.

Another fun one was when she was 3.5 and she was walking out of my DF's pub in front of me.
She bellowed "Why are you following me? I don't know you, you're not in my life!"
I loudly assured her (more for the benefit of the general public) that because I'm her mummy I am, in fact, allowed to follow her.

NootNoot · 07/02/2017 15:40

Younger sister about 14years ago (who has ASD) in the middle of Catholic Xmas mass, priest giving sermon (Im buggered if I remember what the gist was) but said "and think of Jesus as female" to which sister at top of her lungs "HE'S A BOY DUMMY". Luckily he was the most tolerant, lovely parish priest who cracked up laughing along with the whole church.

OH (who was a little shit in public by all accounts) at the tills in supermarket, full volume "MUMMY THAT LADY IS REALLY UGLY ISNT SHE" to the cashier. MIL "shush dear shush"..OH "NO BUT MUMMY YOU COULD DO HER MAKE UP SO SHE'S PRETTY LIKE YOU"....

He still has no filter sometimes!

sleeplesshell · 07/02/2017 15:46

Just after Halloween we were out and a lady in a full burka walked towards us. My son started streaking. "Aggghhhhhhh a ghost, a ghost" while pointing and the lady was within earshot Blush

KingLooieCatz · 07/02/2017 16:09

Mycat carries away the prize with the anusol story as far as I'm concerned.

DS in church "Mine got a big willy" pales in comparison.

Bearfrills · 07/02/2017 16:24

I've had HG in this pregnancy and had a really bad time with the GP refusing to prescribe the cyclizine the hospital said I needed. I had to go for an appointment one afternoon to get a repeat for it and I'd commented to DH that "I hope it's not with Dr xxxx because she was bloody useless last time."

Walked into the appointment and of course it's Dr xxxx. Then-4yo DD pipes up "is it the useless doctor, Mammy? Is it?"

I did the done thing and hushed her with a polite 'haha' smile but oh no, that's not the answer she was looking for and she went on and on and on "but is it?... Mammy? Mam? Mam? Is it the useless doctor? .... did they book your appointment with the useless doctor?"

Now I specifically request to not see that GP when I have to make an appointment just so I don't have to sit through that awkwardness ever again.

Bearfrills · 07/02/2017 16:28

Remembered another one, DD again. She has form for showing me up.

We were out and decided to go to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. Everyone was happy except for DD who sobbed and wailed then started stropping about the second we walked in muttering that she wanted "normal food" and "not China food".

I bustled her off to the ladies loos for a quick talking to about her behaviour, sorted it and we had a cuddle.

As we left the toilets to go back to the table she turned to me, wide eyed innocence, and in a horrified, booming tone of voice that implied I'd said the opposite she said "Mam! Chinese people ARE normal people!"

Mojon201718 · 07/02/2017 18:52

Babycham- why would that be nasty???? He is 2- are you unreasonable/ don't have kids/ weird/brought up in a weird cult???Delete as appropriate.

Againagain97 · 07/02/2017 20:47

My son never spoke an audible word due to extreme shyness as a small child...(he's now 23 and doesn't shut up!)

Anyhow in a pet shop which had live animals, ducks, geese, and a Shetland pony.

Shetland pony was obviously "happy" that day and was showing his excitement.

DS (as plainly and loud as you like) Mummy, mummy look at that horses willy, it's EVEN bigger than daddy's!

Cue, the whole shop in stitches!!
BlushBlush