To expect the teacher to support an upset child fully and not walk off!

[OopsDearyMe]

My DD1 has aspergers, I know that. I am fighting to get a piece of paper that also says that.
My daughter has had no real problems going to school for months, but never likes going. She starts to get upset the night before and I relialise I probably could have handled this better, I told her last night that she might be able to stay off school today, I did it because she was so upset and anxious, she barely sleeps 6 hrsa night as it is and so she would sleep, I lied (and hate myself) I told her that she would still need to get up and dressed for school and come with me.
Then at school, I asked how she felt about going in, she began to get very upset, her teacher came passed and at first went to walk straight passed us. But I called out to her and explained , her response was a half hearted , oh well we have Computing today so you'll enjoy that won't you? Then walked off!!!
Leaving me with DS who still needed dropping at his school, and a crying DD who is gripping my arm and pleading with her eyes to take her home. The only thing I could do was leave and take DS. None of her peers approached her and her only two friends were not there.

I am so upset, both at myself!!!

But could the teacher have no taken 5 minutes , her manner was so not child friendly either, so pissed off.

[Catgirl83]

Posts like this make me feel so sorry for teachers.

I upset my child, tried to leave her with the teacher and the teacher wouldn't prioritise my child over their entire class so I could leave her and get on with other things. YABU.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

No, it's not the teacher's job, that's your job as a parent

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

Still not the teacher's problem to deal with. They are not there to magically cuddle every child who IS WITH THEIR PARENT!!

If you had asked for their help and they had walked off, it would be different. Don't expect them to step in - they'll be accused of undermining your parental authority next!!

[Userone1]

IF your dd gets anxious every morning, then she needs some prearranged support in place for when she arrives.

If teachers are not aware of this difficult, they cannot really response any differently to how they did.

Communication between yourself and school is key.

[Cherryskypie]

Ignore me. I missed the comment from whathaveilost

[ExplodedCloud]

Do school agree that she has ASD?

[Spikeyball]

Your daughter was safe with you. 29 potentially unsupervised children may not be safe.
You need to talk with the senco about the best way of managing your daughters transition into school in the morning and there are lots of suggestions from others on here.

[JanuaryMoods]

The teacher had somewhere to be I was always busy in the half hour before school. It's not her fault you lied to your child and thus she was upset.

[faithinthesound]

Even twenty minutes before class there are things that have to be done. There are children who are already there and have a right to be greeted and interacted with. There is paperwork to be done. There are procedures to be followed. There's probably a cup of bloody coffee to be drunk! The teacher is a human being!

Again, your DS and your time management issues aren't the teacher's problem, they're yours. If you hadn't created the mess, you wouldn't have had issues with time management getting DS to school, because dropping DD off would have gone without a hitch - or at least, with a much smaller hitch than it did.

The fact that you screwed up doesn't mean everyone else in the world should drop what they're doing to clean up your mess, especially a teacher with a hundred and one things to do, many of which may not be apparent to you for confidentiality and health and safety reasons. There are more things in Heaven and earth, etc etc.

And you may well say that you'd be fine with waiting while the teacher comforted another upset child, but given how U you've been on this thread, I have a hard time envisioning that. I mean you've spent this entire thread admitting that created the problem by lying to your child and yet still insisting that the teacher is somehow responsible for fixing it.

[Introvertedbuthappy]

You're missing the point OP, your children are your responsibility up until the bell. A teacher has lots to do before collecting the class. She chivvied her along, but up until school starts your daughter is your responsibility, especially when you have caused the upset in the first place. The fact you have another child is also your responsibility. If your daughter was still upset on going in on the bell then the teacher will have comforted her etc then.

[Geekmama]

So what was she supposed to do with your DD for 20 minutes before school starts? I'm sure she was running around getting stuff ready for the day. She is your child, Who you lied to and that was one of the reason she was upset. You should of dealt with that. FYI probably a good idea to drop your son off first if your daughter is having so much trouble been dropped off at school.

[Userone1]

SN section on here is very supportive and would have lots of advice and ideas to try.

[OopsDearyMe]

No I didn't want people to agree with me, I wanted actually to believe that we were not living in such a depressing day and age, where a teacher is more concerned with taking registration that helping a child, who in all other ways NEVER causes a single problem for her.

I wholly accept I took the wrong course of action and I am prepared for taking the flack, but I did expect more than a flippant c'mon we have computers today, for a child who is not just tired and can't be added,but is genuinely bloody miserable. I didn't expect the teacher to deal wit it alone, I stayed as long as I could and had the teacher been there still we BOTH could have solved the issue.

Maybe I'm soft but I could never simply walk passed a child in tears, or be as nonchalant as she was. Also as I said, this would never have been the case at DS school, so I cannot be that out of touch.

[unfortunateevents]

You have no idea what the teacher was trying to do at that point in time. Our school holds Governors' meetings before school, maybe she was rushing off to give a presentation at that? Perhaps she was on her way to a meeting with another parent? Or panicking because the photocopier had jammed and she needed 30 workbooks doing in the next 10 mins?! And if you were dropping your child early, how do you know that there weren't other children also there needing her attention?

You know your daughter has ASD and needs to be able to have absolutes in her life. You unfortunately created the situation by saying that she could possibly have the day off but she needed to get dressed and then you would assess when she got to school, I'm surprised the poor girl got to sleep at all with wondering whether she was or wasn't going to school. I think she did well to get as far as the playground without having a meltdown.

Yes, it would have been nice if the teacher had stopped. Maybe she should/could have but the situation was certainly not of her making so YABU to expect her to sort it out.

[Cherryskypie]

^ Good advice. They will also have advice on getting the school on board.

[2014newme]

The teacher has 29 other kids to sort out and no doubt a number of them had issues parents wanted to discuss
You lied to your dd and then dumped the problem on the teacher. Not acceptable. If she needs comforting yoy will gave to do that the,teachers do not have the opportunity.

[OopsDearyMe]

Vivienne .... I DID ask the bloody teacher!

[WorraLiberty]

Why didn't you tell the teacher you needed help?

[chocolateworshipper]

You don't know if the teacher was on the way to a meeting with a child and parents where the situation is much worse to your DD. I suggest you set up a meeting with the teacher and SENCO for after school to discuss how both sides can support your DD together.

[Finola1step]

Now I'm really confused. Did you expect the teacher to attend to your child 20 minutes before school started? So in her own time?

I know that you are getting a rough ride on this thread. But it is because you are frustrated at the wrong person. If there are significant issues with getting your DD into school, what discussions have you had with the SENCO?

[2014newme]

Of course teachers walk past kids in tears. Because the child was with you therefore being looked after and 29 other kids, some of whom may have sen too, we're waiting for her.

[Trifleorbust]

Oh dear. The teacher is responsible for a whole class, but suddenly leaving you to supervise two children is more than you can manage, when you were mostly responsible for your DD's state anyway (sorry, but you lied to her!). You ask whether the class couldn't wait a few minutes - with whom? You want the teacher to leave her class unattended and delay the start of the school day to clean up your mess. Sounds harsh and I am sorry but you need to get a grip.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I agree with Geekmama - I was going to say when you knew there was a possible issue and the reason you wanted to dump your daughter off on the teacher was to get your DS to his school on time perhaps you should have taken him first.

The fact you are there 20 minutes before school time does not make it better but worse that you expected the teacher to look after her before drop off!

[Cherryskypie]

Is the school aware of your feelings re your DD being on the spectrum and supportive of that (potential) diagnosis?

[peppaminttea]

I understand why you said what you said to your daughter. DS has been similar before and has physically refused to go to school (holding onto things to incapacitate himself) and got violent when cajoled into going to school.

We still haven't found the magic answer you are looking for though!

The teacher may not have been aware that this was more than a normal case of 'Monday Morning Blues'. Her response would suggest that she didn't recognise the issues that your daughter may be facing.

If you haven't already, you need to speak to the SENCO and teacher about these issues, maybe there is a member of staff (i.e. a TA) who can help with the home/school transition and other things they can do to help lessen her anxiety at school so that she is able to cope with going better. You need to make them aware that although she may appear to be 'coping' in school, getting this upset at the beginning of the day would suggest she is not.

You may find it useful to pop over to the Special Needs board. I only lurk but the people on there have some really good advice.

Good luck.