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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my mum a glass of wine then take the bottle to friends?

80 replies

teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 17:49

I was going round to a friends house, me, her and another good friend, people I've known for ages and don't feel any need to try and impress or anything. DH was away, my mum came to babysit.
As I was leaving I asked her if she wanted a glass of wine from the bottle I was taking to my friends. Mum was horrified and said it was terrible bad manners and even though she did fancy a glass of wine she couldn't take it.

I don't see the problem at all. I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind either. None of us are big drinkers during the week and only two of us drink red wine so there was still plenty for a glass each.

So AIBU to take a bottle of wine with a glass missing to my friends, or is my mum BU to refuse a drink?

OP posts:
GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 05/02/2017 17:52

I must admit, I would think it odd if even my best mates turned up with an open bottle!!

Surely you could have stopped to buy another on the way?

BendingSpoons · 05/02/2017 17:54

Wouldn't bother me! If you are taking it to drink rather than a present. But I can understand why your mum thought it might be odd.

grobagsforever · 05/02/2017 17:55

My friends occasionally bring open wine that needs drinking. Doesn't bother me - see it as a mark of how comfortable we are with each other

Crumbs1 · 05/02/2017 17:56

We often take part drunk bottles. As do our friends. Why would you not? Never known anyone be offended.

SorrelSoup · 05/02/2017 17:56

Wouldn't bother me or my family! I wouldnt do it with acquaintances etc. Our family live v v close and sometimes we just take a glass of wine round if we're just popping in for a chat (this particular couple don't drink wine).

witsender · 05/02/2017 17:56

It wouldn't bother me, but it is... Unusual. I would have left the bottle for my mum and bought another on the way.

MuseumOfCurry · 05/02/2017 17:57

It's a bit weird, but nothing to work one's self up about.

MrsBlennerhassett · 05/02/2017 17:57

YANBU unless you were planning to drink more than you brought? I take it the wine was not a gift you were going to be leaving there but something to be drunk at dinner. If so that is totally fine. If people come to dinner at mine i dont expect them to bring anything at all but if they bring their own alcohol to share that is nice of them... i certainly wouldnt expect them to bring a full bottle of wine and leave it there for me to have later unless it was my birthday or something.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/02/2017 17:58

If your DM would like a glass, give her one, can't imagine anyone would mind. If it was a gift, it would of course, be different.

mistermagpie · 05/02/2017 17:59

It is a bit odd, but not a major deal. Personally I would have got a new bottle on the way to the friend's rather than take an open one.

TyneTeas · 05/02/2017 17:59

It makes logical practical sense, but yes I think it is a bit unusual to arrive with an open, part-drunk bottle

NoCleanClothes · 05/02/2017 18:05

Unusual but not outrageous for close friends. I had a friend who used to write wine reviews. She'd often bring round opened bottles (of really amazing wine) to dinner parties and nobody minded. Although that might have been because it was wine way nicer than any of us would have actually paid for.

Original poster
teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 18:10

I ended up taking the unopened wine round, we each had about a glass and a half, then I took the leftovers home because the host doesn't drink red wine so didn't want it. It's been sat in my kitchen for about 3 days.
Isn't it funny the different things different people think are good or bad manners.

OP posts:
Twistmeandturnme · 05/02/2017 18:13

No comment on the manners or not because among friends these 'rules' do go out the window, but get that wine frozen before it goes off, then you can use it for casseroles and pasta sauces.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 18:18

I wouldn't take an opened bottle to a friends house for a social event and i would not take what was left of it back home with me either. I think it's a bit bad manners really. I'd have done as a previous poster suggested, given your mum the bottle and bought another one on the way, next time maybe make sure you have some in for her.

AuntNancy · 05/02/2017 18:24

I think it depends on whether you're taking the wine as a gift (eg, friend is cooking you supper, so you take a bottle with you that you may or may not drink) or if you're going round for a chat so you brought some wine and half a cake that needs eating up.

A is a bit rude (would you take a box of chocolates with all the strawberry creams missing?); B is probably fine.

snapcrap · 05/02/2017 18:24

I have lots of close friends and there are no airs and graces between us...but no I'd never take a partly drunk bottle of wine to any of their houses and they to mine. It's tight as arseholes!

Eatingcheeseontoast · 05/02/2017 18:29

To a good friend yes, and I'd have explained about my mum. Freeze the rest of the wine.

rollonthesummer · 05/02/2017 18:31

No, I probably wouldn't. If I was taking another bottle and this was a second bottle, maybe.

Katy07 · 05/02/2017 18:31

I'd be thinking it was a bit odd to give your mum just the one glass and then take the bottle away - what happens if she fancied a top-up?!

Trifleorbust · 05/02/2017 18:32

It's rude and a bit weird. It looks like you're a lush (couldn't wait and opened it before you went round) or a tight git with little regard for the host (wine has been open for days). I know those assumptions don't always hold but that is how it looks.

Buttercupsandaisies · 05/02/2017 18:33

I would never take an opened bottle and I think it's even worse to bring it home - even if she didn't want it. To me that's bad manners with anyone

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 05/02/2017 18:33

Im just struggling with the concept of leftover wine..! (but we clearly have different friends!)

YouHadMeAtCake · 05/02/2017 18:33

I think it is weird and a bit off.

Original poster
teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 18:34

But surely if I said "I left a glass for my mum", who they all know well too, no-one would mind? It's not like I downed a quick glass on my way out so I could be one ahead or anything, or I couldn't be bothered buying a new one so just lifted something that had been opened in the kitchen for a week as an afterthought.

It just seemed totally obvious to me to give some to my mum before I went, considering they are my pals, it was just a casual thing, and it wasn't all going to get drunk round there anyway.

Ah well, life would be dull if we were all the same.

OP posts: