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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my mum a glass of wine then take the bottle to friends?

80 replies

teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 17:49

I was going round to a friends house, me, her and another good friend, people I've known for ages and don't feel any need to try and impress or anything. DH was away, my mum came to babysit.
As I was leaving I asked her if she wanted a glass of wine from the bottle I was taking to my friends. Mum was horrified and said it was terrible bad manners and even though she did fancy a glass of wine she couldn't take it.

I don't see the problem at all. I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind either. None of us are big drinkers during the week and only two of us drink red wine so there was still plenty for a glass each.

So AIBU to take a bottle of wine with a glass missing to my friends, or is my mum BU to refuse a drink?

OP posts:

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 05/02/2017 18:35

I'm really uptight about drinking, so I wouldn't give alcohol to anyone who was being left in charge of my kids. I'm not sure about taking an open bottle of wine. I drink very rarely and most of my friends don't drink at all so I never have so far, but I don't think I'd be offended if a good friend did this.

teachergirl2011 · 05/02/2017 18:35

It would be awful bad manners to turn up with an opened bottle of wine x

Original poster

teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 18:36

And why is it bad manners to take the leftovers home if the host has told you she doesn't want it and no-one in her house will drink it? So much wine etiquette.

OP posts:

Giraffesaretootall · 05/02/2017 18:37

No I wouldn't take a part drunk bottle even to a good friend.

esiotrot2015 · 05/02/2017 18:37

I'd be thinking it was a bit odd to give your mum just the one glass and then take the bottle away - what happens if she fancied a top-up?!

this plus my one glass is a third of a bottle

esiotrot2015 · 05/02/2017 18:38

I'm really uptight about drinking, so I wouldn't give alcohol to anyone who was being left in charge of my kids

this train of thought always make me feel sad for single parents, aren't they ever allowed a glass with dinner??

eddiemairswife · 05/02/2017 18:40

If I was your mum I would like the bottle left for me, please.

Ohyesiam · 05/02/2017 18:42

We are talking close friends here, for an informal evening. Thinking this is bad manners seems rigid. Surely close friends are the warts and all people, who you could turn to in a crisis, who you can be a mess with, who you can donate a glass of (unwanted)wine to your old mum, and not offend anyone? Maybe I have a different definition of good friend.

Crumbs1 · 05/02/2017 18:45

Not bad manners at all to arrive with it but can't imagine anyone would then take it home again. Given wine is £20 plus per bottle, why is it rude to take it along? People worry far too much about wrong things. if taking an open bottle you would obviously pick up a second to take as well. Our book clubs run on already opened bottles.

Crunchymum · 05/02/2017 18:50

How much wine was left if 3 of you had a glass and a half?

Trifleorbust · 05/02/2017 18:50

Even with a very close friend, wouldn't they wonder why your mum had to have a glass of that particular bottle? Couldn't buy her own? Couldn't wait for the next evening? I would think you'd been swigging it on the bus

TheMysteriousJackelope · 05/02/2017 18:52

It wasn't a gift, it was more like 'bring a drink' so I don't think it was rude. I'm sure your friends wouldn't have begrudged your mother a glass of wine seeing as she was providing babysitting so you could go out.

MsPavlichenko · 05/02/2017 18:53

My late DM would have been with your Mum, as am I. I'd have left her to help herself to whatever she wanted, one or more glasses.

Your pal could have frozen the left over wine for cooking or whatever.

SorrelSoup · 05/02/2017 18:56

Given wine is £20 plus per bottle, why is it rude to take it along?

Your know you can get 4 bottles for that??!

StealthPolarBear · 05/02/2017 18:58

Yes I'd take it home if it would otherwise go down the sink!!

AskBasil · 05/02/2017 19:00

I think it depends how well you know people.

It sounds like these friends of yours are really close friends who don't stand on ceremony in the least, so it's fine.

It wouldn't be with anyone not either family or very very close friends.

AskBasil · 05/02/2017 19:00

If you're spending £20 a bottle on it, then I'd definitely want to take it home if it didn't get drunk.

haveacupoftea · 05/02/2017 19:01

Poor mum, i'd have wanted the full bottle

TizzyDongue · 05/02/2017 19:02

But surely if I said "I left a glass for my mum", who they all know well too, no-one would mind?

Well I wouldn't. Especially if I knew the mum, even if I didn't I'd be fine with a friend doing this.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 05/02/2017 19:08

*I'm really uptight about drinking, so I wouldn't give alcohol to anyone who was being left in charge of my kids

this train of thought always make me feel sad for single parents, aren't they ever allowed a glass with dinner??*

I honestly don't think badly of anyone else for doing it, it's just not my way. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was judging anyone, that wasn't my intention.

Trifleorbust · 05/02/2017 19:19

Nothing to do with begrudging a glass to your mum, btw. It's just odd. If you bought me a box of chocolates and had given your DM one (even though I don't begrudge her one) I would be like...Run, Forrest, run!

VerbenaGirl · 05/02/2017 19:19

Fine by me!

mambono5 · 05/02/2017 19:29

It's just strange. It wouldn't occur to me to take left-overs to friends, unless we specifically meet after a big party. It's just odd.

morningtoncrescent62 · 05/02/2017 19:29

Don't see the problem with it, OP, and I don't think it odd or bad manners. Nor can I see the problem in taking the remains of an opened bottle home with you. Context is everything here - if these are good friends with a take-me-as-you-find-me approach, then surely there's no need to stand on ceremony?

GabsAlot · 05/02/2017 20:57

yeah leave a bottle with a babysitter

are some people mad

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