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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my mum a glass of wine then take the bottle to friends?

80 replies

teaandakitkat · 05/02/2017 17:49

I was going round to a friends house, me, her and another good friend, people I've known for ages and don't feel any need to try and impress or anything. DH was away, my mum came to babysit.
As I was leaving I asked her if she wanted a glass of wine from the bottle I was taking to my friends. Mum was horrified and said it was terrible bad manners and even though she did fancy a glass of wine she couldn't take it.

I don't see the problem at all. I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind either. None of us are big drinkers during the week and only two of us drink red wine so there was still plenty for a glass each.

So AIBU to take a bottle of wine with a glass missing to my friends, or is my mum BU to refuse a drink?

OP posts:
RoughBeast · 05/02/2017 21:05

It reminds me of some English relatives who met my parents (who were visiting from our home country) at a railway station, drove them through the town and out onto an A road with a layby, where they produced a flask of hot water and teabags, and three (three!) of those little packets of biscuits you get in hotel rooms, and they all four sat at a picnic table watching the traffic whiz past, because 'cafes are such a rip-off...'

TizzyDongue · 05/02/2017 21:19

If the friends know the OPs mum well its nothing like that. It's simply sharing a bottle of wine with her too.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 21:26

I think its because it just seems a bit tight, I'm also unsure how much was left that you brought home if you all had a glass and a half each. Can't have been more than a small glass left. 🙄

EmeraldIsland · 05/02/2017 21:34

Hmm, I wouldn't with a bottle of wine because if that was the only wine I was taking then there probably wouldn't be enough left. I'm not a big drinker but would like two glasses of wine over an evening at a friends.

However, in principle I think it's fine and not rude at all. If I had two bottles on my way to my bff's house, I wouldn't think twice of offering to leave dh a glass of wine if he had none at home, and then take the remainder, which would be enough for two glasses each for me a bff.

Kookypants · 05/02/2017 21:37

It's absolutely fine, bloody hell.

OlennasWimple · 05/02/2017 21:57

My best friends and I always bring round opened bottles of wine (on the rare occasions we have them) if it's just a casual, mid-week get together. People I don't know as well, i would bring an unopened bottle (but still take home the rest if the host was certain that it would go to waste if left with them)

Crumbs1 · 05/02/2017 22:23

Our friends would usually provide the wine as they would know what we were eating. They would be fine about an opened bottle of decent 'ish' wine as an extra rather than as part of the planned drinking. We would not usually take wine to a supper party.

melj1213 · 05/02/2017 22:25

TBH it would be weird to me but that's because I always have half a dozen bottles of wine in my kitchen cupboard at any one time (I stock up a few bottles whenever my favourites are on sale) and there's invariably a part drunk white/rose bottle in the fridge... so if I was taking a bottle to a friend's house I'd just tell my mum that she was welcome to finish off the open bottle or open another bottle from the kitchen.

Also a friend and I have a weekly "wine night" - one brings the snacks, one brings a bottle - in the course of a few hours we will get through the bottle but that one bottle only does us about two drinks each (unless we make them spritzers if there's some left over lemonade knocking around) If I turned up with part of a bottle, it would be fine on a friendship level, but I'd worry we'd run out of wine if we only had part of a bottle, esp if the week's host happened not to have anything else in.

MuseumOfCurry · 06/02/2017 13:29

We would not usually take wine to a supper party.

Really? I thought a bottle of wine for a dinner party is obligatory.

AuntNancy · 06/02/2017 13:39

Crumbs1 are you in the UK? I can't remember a dinner party where we haven't taken a bottle of wine although they'd have to be pretty good friends to warrant a £20 bottle

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 16:31

I thought a bottle of wine for a dinner party is obligatory

Of course not! The host provides food AND drinks. It's a nice touch to bring something, but you don't have to. I much prefer flowers frankly, we have enough wine here, and it can be a pain to serve the guest wine if it doesn't go with the food or the rest of the wine, other guests feel bad if they brought a cheaper bottle. My kids prefer when guests bring chocolate or some nibbles.

A friend brought me some tea that I couldn't find in the UK. Of course it doesn't have to be wine. It doesn't have to be anything really.

Huskylover1 · 06/02/2017 16:37

Noooooo!

Leave your Mum the bottle, and take 2 unopened bottles to friend. What if it turns in to a sesh?

dowhatnow · 06/02/2017 16:39

With my really good friends I do lots of things I wouldn't dream of with other friends. This would be no biggie.

It's also easy to forget that not everyone has numerous bottles of wine at home. Some people only buy wine as and when they can afford it. Those saying I'd just get another on the way there, don't see that not everyone can do that.

MuseumOfCurry · 06/02/2017 18:03

Of course not! The host provides food AND drinks. It's a nice touch to bring something, but you don't have to. I much prefer flowers frankly, we have enough wine here, and it can be a pain to serve the guest wine if it doesn't go with the food or the rest of the wine, other guests feel bad if they brought a cheaper bottle. My kids prefer when guests bring chocolate or some nibbles.

I bring wine and flowers/chocolate/a candle or similar. Perhaps I'm surrounded by philistines but I don't think too much effort typically goes into matching the food and wine above and beyond red v white.

kierenthecommunity · 06/02/2017 18:11

Given wine is £20 plus per bottle

not in my house it isn't Grin

I often take opened wine to my friend's, if there's a reasonable amout left so we can at least one glass each. if we fancy another glass, she'll open one after

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 18:19

MuseumOfCurry that's very generous, but it might be a bit overwhelming for hosts without a huge budget who will feed bad about not bringing that much to yours when you invite them over.

I don't agree with you about only white/ red, but it still leave the problem of forcing guests to compare the price of various bottles of wine they brought. Hosts try to be subtle and discreet, but I still think wine is a pain.

My MIL goes completely over the top when she comes for diner, but doesn't expect anything from us and doesn't accept more than a token gift, bless

Crumbs1 · 06/02/2017 18:36

Yes UK. We would not expect or unusually take wine to a supper party (except perhaps very good friends) so as not to cause offence. The host has usually spent an amount of time/effort matching wines to food and might feel a bit put out if someone turns up with a bottle of new world Blush Chardonnay from Tesco express. I usually take some homemade chutney or jam in winter, flowers or vegetables from the garden in summer. If we'd been to France recently we might take a decent wine we'd picked up but not for drinking that evening.

MongerTruffle · 06/02/2017 18:40

I think it is a bit weird, especially as I often take wine as a present.

alltouchedout · 06/02/2017 20:25

I... wouldn't even notice.

dowhatnow · 06/02/2017 20:41

She didn't say she was going for dinner. I just read it as a catch up.

OnceIWas7YearsOld · 06/02/2017 20:54

Lol at Crumbs taking the opportunity to show off about how expensive her wine is Grin

Swigs bottle of Blossom Hill

MixedGrill · 06/02/2017 21:12

It would have been fine.

But then again I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving my Mum or other unpaid sitter without a bottle to help themselves to.

Buttercupsandaisies · 06/02/2017 21:21

It's the norm here to take a few bottles to a dinner party - usually a couple of red and a prosecco! I'd consider it extremely rude and cheap to turn up without anything at all!!

AuntNancy · 07/02/2017 07:52

The host has usually spent an amount of time/effort matching wines to food and might feel a bit put out if someone turns up with a bottle of new world Blush Chardonnay from Tesco express

Well, of course - the point of taking wine to a dinner party isn't to match it to the meal - it's for the host to drink whenever s/he wants. It's a gift. You say you'd graciously bestow the fruits of your French vino shopping on the host as a gift, why do you assume all the other plebs everyone else is just desperately grabbing 'new world blush chardonnay from Tesco' and expecting it to match the spag bol?

Basicbrown · 07/02/2017 08:42

Yanbu at all

It would be odd if you were going to a dinner party but just round to a friend's to drink yourself - is fine. Particularly as you weren't going to drink much