To wonder if you're one of the older members of a large family you ever stop and think

[PlayOnWurtz]

No more kids please mum and dad!

How much were you expected to do to support them?

I have had more than 5. My body is fine. Size 8-10, get told i look about 24. Stomach nearly flat but i don't exercise like i should tbh. I do not drink or smoke so maybe that has something to do with keeling my youth.

As for large families not going anywhere or doing anything with their kids, we do.

Each birthday the birthday child gets to choose what they want to do, we've had parties, sleepovers, shopping trips, eating out etc. Next week i'm taking my eldest to the Harry Potter tour for her birthday.

We make use of the kids AM at the cinema which they love. Last year i took the older ones to Thorpe Park, the younger ones chose to spend a day at their favourite country park and a cinema trip another day. We manage a caravan holiday every year, dp and eldest few refuse to fly. We go to the beach on hot days, parks, have the bouncy castle and ball pit out in the garden most of the summer, picnics etc. We play a lot of board games during the winter evenings, the girls put on shows for us. We have a blast tbh and many of their friends want to come here because its so fun (and i'm cool apparently) lol

I feel I must add some balance! I am the third of five children. I loved it growing up and love it now. I have three children and would love to have more but I am 44 and my husband is nine years older than me. A close friend of mine has 5 children who are more compassionate and more likely to compromise and see the other side than most children I know.

Ireland in the 70s, at least where I lived, was full of huge families. There were at least 12 in our small village with 10+ children. My best friend as a teen was from one of them.

As a previous poster said, parenting didn't go much further than feeding and clothing the kids. The older kids missed out on educational opportunities and were expected to leave school as early as possible to get a job and contribute to the family income. The younger ones definitely got a better deal. The mothers didn't have much of a life either. Almost all of my friend's siblings married very young to get out of the house. None of them have more than 2 kids.

I am the eldest of 6 and I love my brothers and sister to death! It's great being in a big family - 2 of my brothers and their wives are our best friends and we always have a great time at family dos.

There are so many advantages and I never minded doing a bit of babysitting. (Cos my mum never went out!)

I think being an only child is quite sad - my DH is and he hated being the only kid and thinks it was poor preparation for life and especially for learning to put others first (I can vouch for the fact that he is right)

I only have 2 DC but that it more because I was never good at the baby stage.

get told I look about 24

How old are you?

I was the eldest grandchild of 14 and used to get lumbered with looking after them while our parents went out. At age 15 I decided that family life wasn't for me. I've never had children and have never regretted it. I have a grown-up stepdaughter whom I adore and two great nephews who are lovely.

In reverse. I'm an only child and would've loved lots of siblings. I have 3 children. I would have had more but OH doesn't want more as he has 5.

I'm 35

I'm one of 6 although one of my sisters sadly passed away as a small child.

I absolutely loved my family growing up and still do. I never felt overlooked or unloved and I was never expected to do anything other than a normal amount of chores (tidy your room, wash the car to earn a few pounds...) and never, ever babysitting.

My siblings and I do have fewer children but that's not a reflection on our childhoods but on the way we live our lives now. There's also the fact that the women in the family are successful, busy professionals and, for me at least, I want to keep my career afloat alongside children. I think that's an easier outcome with a smaller family. My mum didn't start her career until we were grown up so wouldn't have had that consideration.

I'm the eldest of more than 6 kids. I had 3 myself. Only one of us has gone onto have more than 3 and he's a boy who got let off a lot of the childcare / housework when we were growing up. I love my parents but they are mad to have had so many. They are paying for it now with dozens of grandchildren and everyone still calling them for help and advice decades after we've left home :)

No-one ever had time to listen to me growing up - they were much better once I'd left - so I try and make sure my own kids feel listened to.

I'm one of 5 and grew up wanting 5! We have two though, we just can't afford 5. It was different back then you didn't need 2 wages for a decent house in a decent area - so I suppose you could have as many as you wanted as there wasn't massive childcare costs and birthday and Christmas present didn't need to involve massively expensive stuff like x boxes etc! There was no one left out in our family and no one left babysitting regularly, and nothing negative at all about being a family of 5. Sure there was a lot of hand me downs, but that didn't matter. However, i personally couldn't manage the sleep deprivation 5 times over! I hate not getting sleep and don't think I could be a good (or even ok) parent to 2/3/4 children whilst being knackered and sick through pregnancy and then just knackered from no sleep!

Big families are fine as long as the older ones aren't expected to provide child care. But too often they are.

This.
Big famalies are fine as long as the older ones get to be children for as long as possible and aren't used as babysitters and expected to take on extra chores.
It's not fair on them.

I was the eldest girl in a family of 8 and I can best describe my growing up as abject misery....total lack of freedom because you were needed for jobs and childcare, no privacy whatsoever, no money, (and I don't just mean money for 'nice' things like clothes and holidays...being painfully aware that my parents had serious financial problems), no after school activities, no having friends round because 1. your mum was knackered and short tempered all the time and didn't want any more kids in the house, then also, 2. when maturity / awareness kicked in, realising that you wouldn't invite anyone over anyway because the house you were living in ought to have been condemned it was so overcrowded, filthy and neglected. Of the children my parents had, only half have any children of their own. No one has more than 2. We some of us get on, but it certainly isn't the Waltons and I have huge resentment towards my parents for the totally shit 'childhood' they gave me. I left home at 18, for Uni, as fast as my feet could take me and never went back.

Having said that, I do think that it depends very much on the parents, how effective they are, and how they work as a team. Mine were just a bit rubbish at it all, but I do recall other large families I knew growing up where the kids were happy and looked after, not treated as unpaid help, and the parents both pitched in. That seemed to make a big difference. My father's idea of parenting was to leave it all to my mum, literally. So no wonder she leaned on the older ones... a lot.

Re the body comments, my mum was always slim even after 5. She's still under 8 stone now. I think some bodies are just a lot better at coping with pregnancies than others! I bounced back after pregnancy number 1 with no difficulty, but I feel my body's not the same after 2. Looking at pictures of my mum back in her 40s she had an amazing figure after 5, but she was a SAHM so always running around after all 5 of us!

I'm only one of two. I have four. I think their age gaps are close enough for them to be proper siblings and not too close so they get to be individuals. We do not ask our teens to babysit.

I'm oldest of 8, don't think I hated the packed house or limited privacy, we're 6 sisters and two brothers. Don't feel that I or siblings missed out on things or attention. Also I never really babysat or did housework other than expected chores of a teen.

I have 4 children, oldest is 17 and youngest is 4, older 3 enjoy looking after him. I recently started undergraduate study, don't think I would have if my kids didn't enjoy looking after him. Also my kids have homework or other obligation then their needs come first.

My kids do tell me regularly that I don't spoil the youngest as much as what they got

I am the oldest of four. Big age gaps and my parents fostering meant there was always a baby or small child in the house. Their needs always came first and sadly I grew up resenting the constant crying, babysitting, restrictions on spending time together or going out as a family (not enough room in the car etc) and lack of interest in me by my own parents. No help with homework etc or any practical or emotional support that I craved as a teen. No money to support me through A levels let alone university so straight into work at 16 and moved out as soon as I could afford it as I felt pushed out. Vowed I would never have more kids than I had the time and money for and stopped at two. They are my world and I was very nearly put off kids for life!

I had four kids and my husband came equipped with 2. Big family with some of the problems for the older "responsible" ones described on here. I probably didn't give the younger ones enough attention. I ran myself ragged dealing with toddler tantrums and teenage anst at the same time.
However, it's not all shit. We had a fab busy household with a range of personalities, a microcosm of the outside world. Always something to learn.
All grown up now and a whole range of different siblings to helpeach other. Emotional support, career wise, practical support with a spare room etc. (They live the length and breadth of the country now).
Swings and roundabouts like most things

I am the eldest of 4 (fairly standard size at the time) and I don't remember ever feeling resentful or not liking my siblings (occasional minor spats with my much loved twin sister - very much my other half)- shared bedroom, same class- same appearance). Youngest brother was 11 years younger - so of course Dsis and I helped with some childcare duties - but it was a pleasure not a chore. I have always been particularly close to that little brother. Perhaps the difference is that I did not feel I had to do these things - mostly it was a choice- but one I never thought to question. OK money was tight when youngest sibling arrived- but it always had been. Age differences also possibly affects relationships. My mother had several older siblings - but she was the youngest after a gap and felt a nuisance to her elder (9 years) sister because she had to be dragged along with her sisters friends as her mum ( my Gran) was ill.
I would have liked 2 or 3 children, but nature decided on 1. DH was the youngest of 6 and is a generation younger than his sisters ( the elder 4). Some have large families of their own ( the middle ones)- some have stuck at 2 (eldest and next youngest)- so no real pattern.

I know 2 very large families and have always felt very sorry for the children - especially the older ones.

My children have always come back from their houses very stressed and unsettled. Sleepovers were just a free for all.

Maybe it can be done well, but the families we know are chaotic and slightly neglectful imo.

Reading through this, its so easy to pass judgement on other families which are large. It really isn't right as what suits one doesn't suit another. I was one of 3 and my parents were both one of 4. DH is one of 2 and his father was one of 11 and his mother 1 of 4.

DH and I originally wanted 4 then our 2nd was diagnosed with ASD. Almost a year ago we were blessed with a surprise child, DD2 and the difference is noticeable. We are a family with the money to buy help, a larger home and all the other things that a larger family needs. If we had a fourth I would be hiring a spare pair of hands to help with getting the DC to their activities, parties, the cooking, cleaning, laundry and homework/reading.

I think it is very difficult to have more than 3 kids with both parents working FT and give enough of your time, as parents to your DC. Even with one SAHP, with more than 3 DC you need a very high income because you do need to buy in help during the early years.

Did anyone see the Sunday Times this week?

There was a cery successful woman with nine DC!

I was the fourth of five with fairly large gaps between us (so not as large as some families on here). Eldest brother left home at 18. There was a lack of space, privacy and money (which was hateful). Dad was a selfish, domineering bully and liked a drink - his main concern was looking after number one (himself) and my sister and I had to help with child care and housework. Three brothers not expected to help.

Apparently people from large families often become 'collectors' as adults - it makes up for having to share everything - including toys.
None of my siblings had more than two children and I chose to have none. I like my own space and having time to myself.

There is a generational thing going on here. My grandmother was 1 of 9. Contraception came in around the 60s and families that size are very rare now.