Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've massively fucked up?

106 replies

user1485102013 · 05/02/2017 03:06

Seeing a guy. Not official. Night out with girls. Dancing. Hot guy kissed me. Feel like I've cheated. Gutted.

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 13:08

Why did you tell him?! There was no need, unless you wanted to ask in a way that implied 'ownership' such as mention of 'grovelling', giving you a hard time etc. Are you interpreting these comments as him signalling to you that he wants a relationship? To be honest, I think you told him to elicit some kind of reaction from him that would prove to you he cares .

Serialweightwatcher · 05/02/2017 13:09

How would you have felt if your text had come from him on his night out? No doubt you would have felt heartbroken or jealous or annoyed also - you do need to do a lot of grovelling and maybe not drink quite as much when you're not with him so that you don't end up in that situation again Flowers

Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 13:32

serial
Hang on a second, they are not in a relationship for starters so OP owes him bjthubg, much less 'grovelling'. Secondly, you're making massive assumptions about how OP might feel if the tables were turned. The fact is, you don't actually know so your statement is untrue.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 05/02/2017 16:21

My intention wasn't to play games because when I told him in the early hours of this morning I was just feeling horribly guilty and very drunk.

I think there was an assumption on both parts that we quite like one another and want things to progress but we hadn't had the exclusive chat and I'm still very much single.

What I did is bound to hurt his feelings and confuse him a little after I told him that I like him a lot in my drunken state and I'm not proud of that.

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 05/02/2017 16:27

Its pretty normal to do the odd slightly naughty thing in the very early stages, its all part of getting rid of feelings for exes and other inner demons. Stop giving yourself a hard time!

Original poster
user1485102013 · 05/02/2017 17:05

Ah fuck it. Fed up of thinking about it now. I didn't do anything wrong so he's going to have to get over it

OP posts:
DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 05/02/2017 17:08

Your only mistake was telling him about the kiss.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 05/02/2017 17:14

Mind you if he's a bit of an idiot it's best to find out quickly.

EmeraldScorn · 05/02/2017 17:16

What makes you think that he hasn't been doing the exact same thing?

You aren't a couple, you've been casually dating for one month; No hearts will have been destroyed.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 05/02/2017 17:24

He told me he hasn't but last weekend he went on a night out and I did wonder whether he might meet a girl when he was out. I tried to not think about it because if he did then it's not really my business and I'd rather not know.

OP posts:
BeverlyGoldberg · 05/02/2017 22:03

@hackneyandbow what's the matter? Is it brown streak week?

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 00:10

So he came round tonight and we had 'the chat' - we've both agreed to be exclusive.

OP posts:
ChishandFips33 · 06/02/2017 06:24

Yay!! Wine

BeverlyGoldberg · 06/02/2017 06:37

Congrats OP. Hope it all goes well for you.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/02/2017 06:45

I think also the rules of dating have changed... Seems now in UK we've moved to a more US style of dating - where until you agree to become exclusive you're free to see /shagGrin others.. Personally I think this is much healthier /more fun that it was when I started out 30 years ago... The moment you started going out it was assumed you were an item/exclusive!... Well at least that's what I was led to believe Confused

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 07:10

The rules of dating are beyond me but now we're exclusive I feel better (and know for sure what I can and can't do). Feels weird to be someone's girlfriend again!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 11:00

Oh fuck. I think I actually have fucked up this time.

Since our exclusive chat last night he's just being a bit of an arse Confused.

I feel like I'm still having to earn his forgiveness even though we were NOT in a relationship. He's making no effort to talk to me today and is being a bit short with me.

Have I made a mistake?

OP posts:
Trills · 06/02/2017 11:04

Texting him drunk was a mistake, so yes you have made a mistake.

If he's being an arse, maybe he was always going to be an arse eventually (because people always make mistakes eventually). So maybe you're lucky to have discovered that he is a bit of an arse.

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 11:14

I mean have I made a mistake with regards to making things exclusive but yes I know what you mean.

OP posts:
Foxysoxy01 · 06/02/2017 11:16

first things first, you had nothing to be sorry for. He cannot be upset that you kissed someone when you were both dating. That is the whole point of dating! You date people to find the best fit for you.

I'm sure he would have had no qualms about kissing another woman while drunk and having only been on 6 dates with another not official woman.

He is being a dick and thinks he can have you over a barrel pandering to him because you have done 'making up to do'

It does look like massive red flags OP, sorry Sad

He sounds like a control freak that thinks you should know you place, which is to do as he likes and he now has the perfect ammunition.

If you want to try and make this work I would suggest telling him in no uncertain terms that you have nothing to feel bad about and won't be playing silly games or jumping through hoops to placate his unreasonableness, and if he doesn't stop sulking like a child you might find another man to kiss.

ChishandFips33 · 06/02/2017 11:24

If his behaviour has changed for the worse since you became 'exclusive' (and he's working at lightening speed to show this side of him!) then it could be a red flag.

I would be wary about the relationship advancing and consider it a lucky escape - he might not be what he seemed

Original poster
user1485102013 · 06/02/2017 11:25

I'm just going to leave him to it and hope he cheers the fuck up later otherwise things won't be exclusive for much longer.

OP posts:
welovepancakes · 06/02/2017 12:23

How complicated! I'd move on, to be honest, unless you want this to be thrown at you every time you argue about anything

tangerino · 06/02/2017 12:34

TBH, I think you should just calm down a bit. You kissed someone else on Saturday. You agreed to be exclusive late Sunday. Now it's Monday morning and you've decided he's being an arse- it's a fucking rollercoaster. How can you decide anything based on a few hours? How much communication would you expect before 11am on a Monday morning?

Just relax and be normal and see what happens- reading this thread is exhausting, Christ knows what living it must be like.

LagunaBubbles · 06/02/2017 12:39

Just relax and be normal and see what happens- reading this thread is exhausting, Christ knows what living it must be like

This kind of sums it up!