Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU regarding theatre experience?

631 replies

WildBelle · 04/02/2017 19:19

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

OP posts:
JanuaryMoods · 05/02/2017 08:36

So January, how many times have you been attacked by someone with learning difficulties?

Other posters in this thread have said they've been "attacked".

I've been whacked several times by my adult nephew with SENs because I didn't duck fast enough but I always try to make sure he doesn't whack other people when we take him out. And I apologise if his behaviour is upsetting others, I don't tell them to suck it up, I remove him from the situation. He can be quite frightening in melt down, especially to small DCs or others with SNs.

Normally he can keep it together in the cinema or theatre but occasionally we have had to take him out for a while to calm down.

Why would you not?

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 08:47

I don't believe people do leave adults to whack others - you made it sound like a common experience. In my experience any contact with the general public would be taken extremely seriously.

I've been bashed my small NT children more often than kids with SN. Ban 'em.

LouKout · 05/02/2017 08:49

I'm sure it goes without saying that people don't stand by and watch the person they are caring for hit others.

Noone is advocating some kind of free for all. Just some tolerance from both sides not just one and not just "not if I have paid a lot of money".

Spikeyball · 05/02/2017 09:03

Yep tolerance works both ways. Ds is expected to be tolerant of nt behaviours so he should those people to be tolerant of non dangerous behaviours in him.
I don't know anyone with a child with sn who takes them to places to prove a point.

LouKout · 05/02/2017 09:08

Exactly. I don't.

LEELULUMPKIN · 05/02/2017 09:14

Torn on this one. My Ds has severe learning difficulties and has all the traits and mannerisms you find so inconvenient.

All of the things you describe can be a vicious circle. Parents like me feel terrible about any noise or fuss our DCs are making so then take them out, meaning both parent and child don't get to enjoy the experience.

Also it totally demotivates you from trying again (the times I have spent fortunes on tickets for things) and spent 5 minutes in there to avoid upsetting others. Therefore the less your DC goes, the more unfamiliar the experience is, the harder it is for them to cope.

Before we had our DC now 11, my Husband and I had ZERO experience with SNs, but boy have we learned to cope fast!

Of course ALL theatre goers are entitled to a uninterrupted performance, so what is the answer?

I honestly don't know, but what I do know is that society needs to be far more accepting of people with SN. If they were, and were far more inclusive I am sure that SN people and their families would be able to access these things more and routine (in our case) the deal breaker, thus lessening the distracting behaviour for everyone.

I have no doubt in my mind that if you had asked this question before I had my DS, I would have totally agreed with you and been muttering about it.

Now? My first thought would be "Lucky them , to even be at the stage where they can attend a performance"

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 09:15

Well exactly.
The usual thought process is:

Shall we take ds1 to X?
It's going to be very busy
Of good point - scrap that.

NOT 'oh hooray we can prove s point & hopefully he'll hit some people' Hmm

MidniteScribbler · 05/02/2017 10:42

how many times have you been expected to suck up being kicked or whacked on the head by someone with learning disabilities?

I did get hit by a person sitting in the accessible area next to me. I was in a seat which was the one right next to the accessible space, they were in a wheelchair right next to me. They became extremely distressed when the strobe lighting began at the concert (Bon Jovi) and lashed out very violently. I was hit very hard, I had a black eye from it, spent some time in the first aid room, and it took two carers to stop him hitting out. I spent the rest of the night leaning over a balcony railing (and explaining to the security why I couldn't sit in my assigned seat).

Should people with disabilities be able to access a concert? Absolutely. Should someone that gets distressed by strobe lighting go to a concert where that is expected? Well, I would have to question if that is the most appropriate venue for that person to attend or if there are other venues that the person may enjoy more?.

DixieNormas · 05/02/2017 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouKout · 05/02/2017 10:48

I imagine it was their first time.

kali110 · 05/02/2017 10:53

I don't know what the answer is op.
It wouldn't be fair to ask them to leave for something they can't control.
If it were me i wouldn't be able to cope and i'd end up leaving.

P00pchute · 05/02/2017 10:55

This is a very hard and emotive subject. I am able to see things from both sides, having a family that sits on varying areas of the spectrum. My youngest can be extremely disruptive because of a combination of age and SN, whereas my oldest is more high functioning, because of age and learned coping mechanisms.

Often with the youngest, after attempts to subdue and calm, I often have to just admit defeat and leave because her noise and activity often end up making her the focal point instead of the film/music that everyone is there to see. In most cases she is disinterested in the event anyway.

With my oldest, he is impeccably behaved because he is very preoccupied with manners and rules, and is highly anxious. (

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 05/02/2017 11:18

Can I ask a genuine question of those who have experience of people who are non verbal due to disabilities? Genuine question, I'm not being goady.

On a school trip in my teens we travelled to London to watch a Shakespeare production , i think King Lear, in a big theatre. Sitting near us was a group of accompanied children with LDs who (from hearing them as they arrived) appeared to all be non verbal. Presumably they were from a specialist school.

During the performance there were lots of noises from their group, not words but loud sounds. Now as a teen on a compulsory school trip myself I wasn't fussed about not hearing all the lines, but I imagine some people were disappointed that there was a lot of noise.

My question is - would non verbal children have been getting something from a formal serious Shakespearen play that they couldn't get from a different theatre environment, also where making involuntary noises would be less of an issue? As a NT teen I didn't fully follow the story myself, there was a lot of dense dialogue and actors standing still talking, it wasn't like one of the Globe productions that have lots of music and movement and the story is made clearer, and you can enjoy the spectacle even if you don't understand the story. It was a very language dominated production. So if you couldn't understand the dialogue I wouldn't have thought there was much to gain/ enjoy from this type of production? Obviously going to the theatre itself is an interesting experience, but it seemed an odd choice to choose a production like this rather than say a musical, or a venue like the Globe where audience noise and participation is part of the experience, or a Shakespearean play that had more to enjoy visually and where the Audience would be laughing and noisier eg Midsummer Nights Dream? So it felt like these children had been taken somewhere they wouldn't gain from/ enjoy that much, but which impacted negatively on the rest of the audience. It just seemed an odd choice. Or am I wrong there?

Anyway I hope I haven't offended anyone, it's a genuine question and I'm happy to be corrected by anyone in the know, it's just something I've vaguely wondered since, and I haven't felt able to ask anyone in person!

LouKout · 05/02/2017 11:24

Being non verbal does not mean a lack of intelligence in itself.

Bubblesagain · 05/02/2017 11:30

if you couldn't understand the dialogue
Being non verbal does not always mean you don't understand spoken language around you.
And what loukout said.

BishopBrennansArse · 05/02/2017 11:35

Emmyrose

My son when he is happy flaps and makes noise - not particularly loud or disruptive as it happens - because his ASD means his limbic system is so suppressed he needs to stimulate it.

I've already said if he is distressed - in which case he'd be making so much noise and trashing about that firstly he wouldn't be getting any benefit from being there and secondly nor would anyone else - I'd remove him.

If your child is distressed why on earth wouldn't you take him away from the source of it? Even if it's someone else's disability causing them to act involuntarily? Why should your child's disability trump mine?

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 11:44

A mostly non verbal group of adults and young people with learning disabilities that I teach produced their own production of a Shakespeare play two years ago.

They absolutely understood the text and story and loved performing it. I also took them to see the play produced at another theatre in advance for inspiration and to help realise the link between a play script and a show.

Frankly can't believe that anyone thinks it's ok to question anyone's interest in going to the theatre as some kind of reason to proclaim they shouldn't be permitted to attend...

LouKout · 05/02/2017 11:47

Yes. Its not for others to decide what is suitable for people and to say they shouldn't go.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 05/02/2017 11:47

Sorry I've explained it badly.
The carers/ teachers were talking to the children in v basic language, so I assumed that their understanding of spoken language was limited too.
Anyway if they were enjoying this production I have no issue with them being there, it just seemed an odd choice to me.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 05/02/2017 11:50

X post
Thanks for explaining Penguin
But I do think it's ok to ask questions sensitively about things you don't have experience of, surely?

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 11:51

A play isn't just text or spoken word though, is it?

Take opera, for example, mostly sung in the U.K. In Italian, French or German. Enjoyed by people who don't speak any of those languages...

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 11:52

X-post too!

Yes, please ask, but please don't presume. Iyswim.

P00pchute · 05/02/2017 11:55

Why should your child's disability trump mine?

I can definitely see this going round in circles, as it's a statement that can batted across from both sides, with no real satisfaction in the end.

DixieNormas · 05/02/2017 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouKout · 05/02/2017 12:14

Im afraid you cant claim barring people with a disability is a reasonable adjustnent for your child P00P, so the law is not on your side here.

However autism performances were designed to have less sensory input.